A
female
age
41-50,
*erfect in pei
writes:Please I need help! I am a confident atrctive young female I have been dating an older man for almost a year he is 20 years my elder and I love him dearley however we have problems he has both erectile difficulties and an over active sex drive I am starting to resent the strain it is putting on our relationship I feel inadiquit and have gone to exstremes to fix these problems no matter what I do or wear it starts off good then fades you know what I mean the worst part of it is he is an exelent lover and allways pleases me but I wind up fealing guilty and have to deal with comments like "I see how you are you get what you want and that's it" that's not it! I want to feel like I'm good too but he blames me for his problem what can I do ??? After hours of oral manual and vaginal stimulation I'm left tired and humilated this goes on forever I can't deal with it I am of the opinion he shold go to the doctor and get some viagra its not a matter of disrespect but what can I do he is in his opinion ready to go five times a day and though we are intamit every night save menstral cycles its not enough well I guess not if you never get off well sir I'm just plain not in the mood to spend hours on getting on with no effect and I can't understand why??? He still wants to do it after I give up on pleasing him and then the critisim I feel unatractive unapreciated and further uesless but I know this is not about me is there any way I can exspline this to him we have a wonderful home many pets and a great life but this is a deal breaker he has become abusive and acuses me of cheating I'm not alowed to speak with men enless he is present if I do leave the home even to visit my mother terible things happen for example I went to visit my mother he followed me(in my car) and visited for a while after he went home I stayed and spent the night with my mom the following morning I found my car insurense in a snow drift(infront of our apt) everything I had in my glove compartment cleaned out missing or destroyed I entered my apt to find all of my personal things vandalized my art suplies(I'm an artist)destroyed my purse glued to the coffee table my pufume switched to bleach as well my animals were tramatized my gloves (go Canada!!!) Riped up it was a mess So I packed my things and left I thought he did it and was a basterd I had no opertunity to speak with him about this strange and scarey crap he took my car and camped out at his mothers when I called he hung up on me as if I had no right to be upset I know this goes on and on but berr with me eventualie I had his friend return my car and I took my kids (pets)I have a dog two cats a ferret and a bunny plus all my furniture books and well all of it I cleaned the place out but it was all mine I left only with what I came with he lost me the wii computer dvd dvr jvc sound sheets pillows the whole shabang!!!I still loved him and longed to find out why?? As it turns out his ex wife did most of the damage but my main concern is why did he bring her into my home ok they had years together and they need to talk but at my place and why didn't he stop her from destroying my things I'm out hundreds of dollers and it took me a week of abuse just to get the truth eventualy he admitted he brought he to our home just for. Sex and she turned him down but managed to effect me mentaly monitariley and on a pesonal level I lost my home the respect of my family and quite a bit of my confidence in our relationship that's a givin its my selfrespect I miss I have to go master wants to sleep and my puppy needs a walk anyone please what would you do this is the first time I have spoke up but I want your advise ic
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confidence, ex-wife, his ex, in the mood, older man, sex drive, vagina, viagra Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ilikequestions +, writes (18 January 2011):
Please say that you have either left this man behind or have entered into couples counciling. With the damage he had done to him and bringing it into your home, you need to be given a medal for staying this long. Patience can only go so far though. Change the rules before you get damaged physicaly and emotionaly. Looks like you have to be the alpha here and put your foot down. It won't agree with his personality but he will definately notice. Have a witness nearby for safety and support. Take a stand and remember who you are, and strive for your happiness. If he won't fight for that then too bad. He may be older but you sound much more mature.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (12 March 2010):
His mental problems are even more of a concern than his sexual ones. First of all, did his ex wife tell you herself that she vandalized your property? Because it sounds like he did it. Anyway, I would go to the police and lay a charge against her for malicious damage to property then take her to claims court. She should know not to mess with you. As for your relationship, your guy obviously has low self-esteem and is extremely paranoid. I don't think you have a happy future with him. You should consider moving on.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Two questions here. First he needs to see his doctor. Erectile dysfunction is only part of his problem though. He has some other sexual dysfunctions as well, based on your description. If that was all that was going on we would say get him to a doctor, go into the exam room with him and explain to the doctor how you are frustrated. But, there is a much more serious problem.
He is controlling and abusive. This relationship is toxic. He probably thinks that because you are younger he can get away with this kind of behavior. You are not that young. You have been taking care of yourself and your pets for some time. You know that what he is doing is wrong. Regardless of the reasons or excuses he uses to justify his actions. He did, or allowed to be done, things that could have physically harmed you. It is a very small step from bleach in your perfume, and wrecking your things, to hitting you and breaking your bones. You need to get rid of him and get a restraining order. Please before he hurts you.
Couples can work through erectile dysfunction. Doctors can help. Abuse requires separation first. It appears that he has no real respect for you.
FA
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