A
female
age
41-50,
*aindrops
writes:I'm 24 and I've been dating a 36 yr old married man for two years. He has three small kids. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but the more I love him the more it hurts every time he leaves me for the night. I know this is wrong, but I don't think I'll ever find someone like this ever again. He tells me he loves me, that it's over with her, and he would have left her by now if it weren't for the kids. I'm not sure if I want that, or if I want to live a life of lies anymore. I am so confused. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2011): I did this for three years. Get rid of the b^^^^d. ^Bottom line: you have no respect for yourself, neither does he. He's got his cake and eating it too. You are his bandaid so that he does not have to look at HIS problems and the fact that he is unhappy - poor baby. He has sex with you, you feel badly when he leaves because you feel abandoned (unresolved childhood issues) and he goes home and sleeps with her in their bed. He's not unhappy. He's got both of you.
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female
reader, jennifermlawson +, writes (22 November 2011):
I have a habit of dating married men or men who are already in relationships. I am not sure why I keep putting myself in these type of situations but I do. I hang out and socialize with men who are married and then things just seem to go too far. it starts out with phone calls and texts, socializing on sites like facebook and it has then led to going out and doing things together on dates. Maybe I am just a (???). Currently I have been seeing someone that is married. Not sure what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): THIS POST IS OVER A YEAR OLD. READ FURTHER DOWN THIS LADY HAS UPDATED AND HER SITUATION MAY HAVE CHANGED.
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female
reader, peoplearedumb +, writes (2 July 2008):
OK, you are tired of his lies?? HAHAHA, why don't you ask his freaking wife how tired SHE is of his lies?! You are a booty call and it's easy for him to tell you he loves you, I can tell you I love you and I've never met you. I LOVE YOU is a phrase people throw around like rice...it's not true in your case. You are the other woman, you are convenient, you are his cake and he's eating it too. BREAK UP WITH THIS LOSER. I mean, come ON...he is never going to be with you. He has kids with her...it's cheaper to keep her and just have sex with you. Do you find that it's "hot" to be the other woman?? Or do you just enjoy being a slut?? Seriously chick, grow up and stop messing with a man that is already married. There are PLENTY of single men, did ya ever think about getting with one of them?? Oh, I know...it's SO adventurous being with a taken man. You are pathetic sweetie.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): Im 28 dating a 38yr old married man with two kids. And his a cop.....It just started about 3 months ago...and I already think Im seeling my self short. Im worth more. I just care and love him so its not easy, to give up hope. The only thing I can say is its not easy to give up when you love them, but you got to ask your self if you love yourself more.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2008): He will never leave her. Take it from me. I have a child wiht a man who is four and this has been going on for way more years than that. Let it go. I no its hard, im doing it myself, but please let it go. It is much harder when you have a child with a man who is married and believe me that does NOT change anything. I didn't do it on purpose. I was on bc and he wore a condom each and every time and it still happened, condom broke one time. That's all it took and we have this child and now WHAT?? BELIEVE ME ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2008): hello my dear, if he spent 2 years with you without breaking with his wife, he will not do it, NEVER. go out and look at the world, happyness is waiting for you, if you stay with him you will be unhappy for the rest of your days. love your self and give you a chance. go to www.hellogoodlove.com ann read if you want and advice. but please, love yourself because you have a strong value that he never recognized.
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female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (22 January 2008):
 I read your most recent news and I'm happy for you.
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female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (22 January 2008):
Honey, let go of this guy. If he really loved you, then he would have left his wife to be with you, no matter that there were kids involved. He would have figured out a way to be with you and introduce you to the kids.
My first boyfriend has a fiancee he didn't tell me about and I felt so dirty when I found out. If you're hurting, think of how his wife would feel. Sooner or later, this will come out and he will have to choose between you or her. Which one will he choose?
You will find a man out there. There are plenty who want to love you and make you happy. You just gotta give them a chance.
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female
reader, raindrops +, writes (21 January 2008):
raindrops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your concern, I wish you all the best. I'm going to live MY life now, please go live yours. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): You must not be able to read, so you have been having an affair for three years and it took him this long to leave his wife.....what the studies show is that after his marriage ends, your relationship will have a less than 1% chance of lasting past the divorce even one year.....you are being stupid, once a cheater always a cheater....if he lied to her, then guess what you are next....you aren't his true love, love did not prevail, you were handy, he divorced and soon enough he will leave you, too, because any woman who would settle for being a bit on the side has already lost his respect....yeah, even cheater's need to respect their women, I bet his wife has more of his respect than you do!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): First of all, he's a liar to begin with. Think about it? He's cheating on his WIFE and his THREE kids. He will NEVER leave his wife for you. Your just a coochie to mess with because his wife probably lost her sex drive after having kids. He uses those poor kids as an excuse to play you so you'll stick around that much longer to give him what he needs. Its his selfish acts that is causing pain for his wife and kids. Trust me when I say this.. your just another item on his dish to eat.. I'm sure he has plenty others on the side or if you leave him he'll replace you the next day. I say move on to better men that deserve your love. Your WASTING your YOUTH on a DREAM!
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female
reader, raindrops +, writes (19 January 2008):
raindrops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh my little pessimist, it'll be three years next month. thanks for the optimism, it's great to hear. maybe you should pay attention to your own affairs...
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Congratulations, you were a big part of ending a family. Guess what, the story isn't over for you yet....you may not have beaten the odds, my dear....according to the psychological community who have done extensive research in the matter of broken marriages and relationships began in infidelity.....a relationship that has begun in infidelity like yours, has less than a 1% chance of lasting more than a year after the dissolution of the marriage in which it destroyed....so keep in touch in a year from now.....if you think you can beat the odds........
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female
reader, raindrops +, writes (19 January 2008):
raindrops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, I wrote this question almost a year ago. Since then I have been through a lot. But My man and I have beaten the odds. He and his wife have since been divorced. They have joint custody of the kids and still are civil with each other. We are currently living in an appartment and are now looking for a house together. I know this isn't how it always happens, and everyone said he'll stay with his wife, but true love does prevail. I couldn't be happier. good luck, and don't give up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): TO THE JAN 10
I could never understand why my friend was telling the woman he was having an affair with and whom he spoke of poorly that he texted saying all things like he couldn't stop thinking of her in his texts I asked him why? His answer "To keep the B-----happy so she thinks I am being nice to her you never know if she shows up at my door, I lose everything I worked for for a cheap piece of ass," This Sweetie is why he calls you, and never is around HE IS PLAYING YOU JUST LIKE THE WRITER BEFORE ME IS SAYING......You are seconds to the wife.
"he makes all kinds of excuses not to be with me yet he still calls or text to tell me `am the love of his life', he cant stop thinking about me, he " YOUR OWN WORDS RIGHT...WHY ALL THE EXCUSES BECAUSE WIFEY COMES FIRST THEN A CHEAP TRICK........
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): TO THE ANONYMOUS ON JAN 10
To the woman who wrote in on January 10 about seeing a married man if there were less skanky women sleeping with married men there would be more good men around. But desperate women who cannot get their own seem to prey on something that does not belong to them married men are easier to get because they are stressed and sometimes lost in the everyday monotanous things same for married women too and will go off track into an affair, but when this happens the other women get dropped like the seconds that they are, only not all men are vulnerable to the next affair, because a lot of them are repulsed by what they have done to the woman they have at home who they KNOW ARE REAL, and what they have to deal in their conscience they end up despising the other woman for seducing them......THE GOOD THING IS MAJORITY OF THE OTHER WOMEN ARE ALWAYS CALLED THE OTHER WOMAN ALONE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT WHILE THE MAN TAKES OUT THE WIFE AND MAKES LOVE TO HER WITH NEW TRICKS UP THIER SLEAVE.......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): I am in a similar situation dating a married man. He texts often, calls to tell me he loves me and drops disparaging remarks about his wife every now and then. when I try to get closer to him he withdraws. Of late he makes all kinds of excuses not to be with me yet he still calls or text to tell me `am the love of his life', he cant stop thinking about me, he loves me etc etc. I am hurting so much. Am in a whirlpool and frankly I think it is not worth it. Yes, its so exciting being with him, I have never felt this way with anyone but its time to let go. At 24, there are good guys out there who will make you happier. We are not their first infidelty and we shall not be the last. Lets leave them alone for their wives.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007): You must be proud
When you have sex, is he comparing what he will never have again,,he will think of his ex especially now that she is in the market for another man, my husband said he cringed just thinking about seeing me with another man when I found out about his affair,,he begged me not to leave him that the other woman was a disgusting pig..she did things he was curious about and realized the sex was not worth what he was about to lose we are still together and Our Love is stronger than ever we do not take each other for granted. anymore I hope you remember that what goes around comes around...Karma is a bitch
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): I suggest you do the right thing a leave this guy alone. I too have dated a married man and trust me going through the pain of being second is not worth it. I have a daughter and my daughter had gotten attach to him also. I felt ashamed because I allowed my daughter to see and know that I was dating a married man. This guy kept promising me that he was going to get a divorce each year only to have his promises be broken. Change your number and say good rittens because he his not worth you loosing who you truly are. Trust me I know because I have too many journal entries of how I wanted to be loved by someone who wanted me to be in their lives permanently only to keep settling for someone who was married.Your prince charming is out there but you will never meet him as long as you keep allowing yourself to be involved with this married man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): hi i am going through the same problem myself i have 2 years with this married man. I am getting tired at the point that he can hardly spend any time with me or be with me on holidays. I miss him so much at night too. He tells me the same thing about not able to leave the wife because of his kids. What we should do is have more respect for ourselves and try to be happy ether by ourselves or to find someone single. Come on girl I know we can do it.
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female
reader, raindrops +, writes (23 November 2007):
raindrops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, I wrote this question almost a year ago. Since then I have been through a lot. But My man and I have beaten the odds. He and his wife have since been divorced. They have joint custody of the kids and still are civil with each other. We are currently living in an appartment and are now looking for a house together. I know this isn't how it always happens, and everyone said he'll stay with his wife, but true love does prevail. I couldn't be happier. good luck, and don't give up.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): girl i amin the same situation as you , i am 24 and met a married man when i was 21 and were still together and his wife foun out about us but im sure he is still with her, i have no contact with her anymore but im sure they are still together and he tells me he is not ofcourse , we even had a baby together , our son is now 2 motnhs and when i waspreg we were out there looking at apts becase he said we were going to live together to prove to me he wasnt with his wife and as of now im still living wih my parents and i know he goes home to her everynight , my instinct always tells me but i keep lying to myself becauseits so hard to leave im just trying to get the courage to just leave and never look back, beleive me i have tried so many times but i know one day i will do it because i know ther is no future for us, it hurts me to be saying this but i know this deep down and theres nothign i can do. and he is still saying that when he gets his money together becausehe is in alot of debt for when he was with her we will move out in jan, but i knowiuts not goi to happen, now its harder to just leave and not look back because we have a baby together, and it hurts everyday knowig that his family knows nothing about our baby, and hsi reason is that his mom wont accept me and he told his mom well if she doesnt accept thathe is with me then she will no see her grandson,but i know its all a lie. i wish you the best and hope you find strenght to leave him and hope i do to because if we stay we will always be second because there wife will always be first no matter what
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female
reader, artlover +, writes (7 March 2007):
 my goodness love is tricky. a year ago I would have given you a hard time on the loving a married man thing, but it happened to me too. its hard when there are children involved. for me it was a dreamy affair. i found myself confused when i found myself uncomfortable after he told me he was moving out and leaving his wife. it was overwhelming so i understand why its hard to deal with. That was a month ago and he is still there. oh well. people say stay away from married men, i would agree thats a good policy but sometimes it just happens, and boom you are in love and in trouble. i wish you the best and hey have no guilt or shame.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): I think People need to read the bible and look at God's Laws. One day everyone who is having sex snd fooling around with someone else's marriage will pay big time what go's around comes around and it will catch up with you sooner or later beleive that, in this life time and hopefuly you will be able to stand it. never get into anyone's marriage unless there are divorced and then , I have stii seen people who left they're spouse regert it, that they didn't stick it out. there is 2 sides to every story stay out ofg it. life and marriage is a serious thing. I wish you the best mzy you find peace, and your own Man.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): Gee, I don't understand how attraction can make women to very stupid and self-destructive things. To be honest, I think it is only attraction that keeps external-affair relationship going. He uses you for sex and you want him for the attraction that he has been training himself for. If you are a decent women, you should be able to be more rational about not fooling around with someone who has immoral (dishonest, perverted, disloyal, selfish). This is a self-inflicted torment that is going to nowhere. The sad thing is, it is effortless to attract naive women like you. You just need the evilness.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): Well his wife asked for a divorce and she doesn't know about you, so you think you are vindicated (not at fault, had no part in how their marriage ended)?
She says their marriage has been over for years...her husband has not really been "there" has not been present in the marriage, but has been turning away from his wife and family by being with you. Granted, their marriage was imperfect or he would not have been with you in the first place...but affairs are never the answer they are the symptom of deeper problems.
Now that he is becoming available, you are suddenly back pedaling and saying you don't know if you can deal with this....how ironic. Just be aware that relationships that begin in infidelity have less than a 2% chance of lasting more than a year once the relationship is supposedly solidified with a commitment....Gee, could that be because of trust? If he did it to her, what is stopping him from doing it to you? If you did it with him, what is stopping you from being some other guys bit on the side?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (21 February 2007):
 If he asked for a divorce then you have got what you set out to achieve. You and him have bust up a home and made his children deeply unhappy...
I am a little perturbed by your comment **I don't know if i can deal with this**, I mean what do you have to deal with exactly. You just need to sit back and wait for 'your' man don't you? Or did you mean something different? Not sure I am following you on this one.
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female
reader, raindrops +, writes (21 February 2007):
raindrops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your sincere kind-hearted words
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): STAY AWAY FROM MARRIED MEN!!!!! HE IS NOT YOURS!!!! HE IS SOMEONE ELSES!!!!! GET YOUR OWN MAN...HOMEWRECKER!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): I have been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and he is still married. his wife did leave him and took their two kids and went to his brother. the only problem is we don't have the money to file. so they are still married and now we have a child together. he also has a kid with another girl from when he was a teen. it is really hard. his wife does now about us now and she doesn't like me coming with him to pick up the kids. it makes it hard. since it all came out we have grown further apart. i also feel like he is not over her because he didn't have time to get over it even though he said he wanted to leave her for years but he didn't till we got together. and even then she left him. so i don't feel as though he's over her. i also don't feel he loves me and my daughter as much as his other 3 kids. if i could do it all over again i would have never became friends. that is how we started out. i regret the whole thing. i do love him but it has caused me so much pain. now i have a daughter with this man. i love her and don't regret having her i just wish him and i never got this serious. i'm trying to build up the courage to leave him but then i will be a single mom and am afraid that i won't find a guy that would date a single mom. i'm only 22 almost 23!!! i don't want to be alone forever. get out now while you can. when you have a baby it's a whole lot harder. good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): First of all I dont really have advice for you I just want to share my story. It might help it might not. I fell in love with a married man 2.5 years ago. He was my best friend, soul mate, he seemed to be the perfect match for me. We started out as best friends and things progressed until we ended up sleeping together. This went on for about 6 months and I finally couldnt take it anymore. Everytime he would leave me to go home to her I would cry for hours. I left him. He left his wife 2 weeks later. We are together now. I still love him but it is different. I never expected this to happen. We have lost something along the way. It was almost as if not being able to have each other made us closer. I ofter wonder if he had stayed with his wife if our love would still be as stong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): I am also involve with a married manfor 2 years now. We had a lot of troubles and fight but we're still intact with each other as if we're soulmates.Really. I understand how you feel. Sometimes you have doubts if you he really loves youy because we are not secured and that is the reality. i advise, if you really feel that he loves you, just let your heart rule but don't close your heart to other man.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): Any advice from a man. As you well know woman are looking at this from their perspective. They say he is a Pig he lies blah blah... Well first of all you knowing him married means he is not lying. And I am sure if he says that he loves you he means it. But he loves his kids he even loves his wife. We humans are capable of loving many people at the same time. I have 5-6 friends that I really really love. Not having sex with them at the same time doesn't change this. Since you know he was married take some responsibility on you. He might have said that he is going to divorce but it is not just going to be for you and it is not that easy though I am sure when the time comes it will be done. So you either love this man and accept to have the relationship to continue on constraints and wait if things will improve according to what you expect or you say you need something else and leave. I have seen many woman had relationship with married man and again they call them pigs. I am not denying that man also likes to have two woman at the same time so when they feel they are not loved they can find refuge but again this does not diminish anything if he has love. If he didn't love you I don't think he would take the risk of loosing everything. So its up to you, walk away or walk after your feelings for him...
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female
reader, raindrops +, writes (10 February 2007):
raindrops is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell it looks as if his wife asked for a divorce. She knows nothing about our relationship, she said thier marriage has been over for years. He now asked me to wait for him. I don't know if I can deal with this. We'll see...
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female
reader, ladyred1 +, writes (3 February 2007):
 Hi girl please walk away as hard as it is Ive been there. I had all the luv stuff ect, went cold turkey many time but final picked up my last respect and walked away.He will lie 2 you and tell you what you want to hear and he will never leave her if he does it wont last long cause the seed was planted on unhealthy grounds ..lies and decite.If it was that bad.... he would leave but he choses to stay with her (his wife and family.) sorry he wants his cake and eat it and players dont change its hurts knowing all this but be strong and walk away now this will leave you free to heal and meet a man who will luv u cause your worth more. x
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female
reader, Girl In Love +, writes (3 February 2007):
This Man Has Three Children, Can you Remember What It Was Like To Be a Child? Thinking Your Parents Might Get Divorced Over Fights Or Maybe They Are Divorced, What I'm Trying To Say Is think About how Much Those Kids will Hate You For Divorcing their Mum. You Have Loads Of Your Life Yet, Don't Get Tied Down By This Man. good Luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): Sweetheart, you have been seeing this man since you were a child of 22....sorry, but you were a child when this began.
This guy is a PIG! He has been feeding you a load of crap and saying he would leave her if it weren't for the kids.
This is one of the oldest stories in the book and you have fallen for it hook line and sinker.
You have a hot body, a nubile body and he is simply into you for the sex with no strings attached, no midnight feedings, no bills to pay, no nagging wife that has gained pregnancy weight, he is a complete shell of a man and a jerk.
You are all about fantasy, and you are hooked because of the sex, you are bonded, many women become ADDICTED once they sleep with a man, this is not love, it is bonding that occurs when you have sex with someone you are very attracted to.
What you neec to do is rip off the bandaid really fast and go cold turkey, stop all contact.
If that does not do it for you, start thinking about his three little kids and his wife. What kind of character does he have to do this to them? He is hurting the people that he brought into this world and promised to love till death do us part in front of God and everyone else.
Seriously, he may be unhappy in his marriage, but he is the majority of that problem, he has chosen to turn his back on his family, lie, cheat and sneak around with you.
If you were to win this prize, you will find yourself looking from the outside in eventually. A relationship started on a foundation of infidelity has less than a 1% chance of surviving more than a year.
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