A
male
age
41-50,
*chew
writes:Hello, I've been dating a 34 year old girl for about 11 months now. We met online and really hit it off, till one day 7 months into the relationship I discovered that she was using cocaine before our lovemaking. She told me it was so she could be more esentrik. The problem is she knows how strongly against it I am and I view it the same as being cheated on. Before we started dating she had to make sure I was not a heavy drug user, and now look. I'm not sure if I can ever trust her again. I can't not forget about it and it's driving me crazy it's making me physically sick. She's told me she hasn't used since then. Our sex life has gotten to the point of almost none existence. I don't know what to do??????any help,,,please and thank you
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): She needs your love and support, not your condemnation.
Cocaine is a particularly addictive drug and if she has used it for a while I doubt she will be able to just stop in the way you want her to.
Cocaine is used in particular by people who have self-confidence and self-esteem problems, girls in particular have problems such as body image, fear of rejection and social anxiety. Cocaine stimulates dopamine production in the brain, a chemical central to the "reward" system (the same as nicotine)
She has probably created an association between sex, and probably other social and stressful situations with cocaine and it now she is unable to cope, or be her true self.
If she has come to a point in her life where she truly wants to stop taking cocaine then she can do it, I would say though she most certainly needs to speak to a professional to work on rebuilding her confidence, without this she will not be able to remove the habit and association between the drug and the events in her life that trigger its need.
If you want to stay with this women you really need to stop seeing it as her "cheating" and to be there for her emotionally and support her. You will probably find it is love she has lacked in the first place that has led her to become dependant on cocaine. It takes a strong person to support someone in this way, you need to find out if you are that person. All the best.
A
male
reader, ichew +, writes (3 February 2007):
ichew is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the answers. First off I am not a drug dealer and I put being lied to and betrayed in the same category, it just sucks. I'am constantly wondering if she's still using cause of the runny nose stuff and all, but then again it's winter here. My previous girl did the same thing but her use was sosial. I will take the advice and RUN fast.....thank you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): I don't get why you'd view it as cheating, exactly. Don't get me wrong though, I DO see why you'd feel hurt, betrayed, lied to, etc. But she didn't literally cheat on you. But that perfectly explains why she was on to you about being a drug dealer. Don't ya know that when people are always guilty of something, they accuse everyone else of it first? It's funny how that always works out. Anyway, she broke your trust. Sometimes that happens in relationships. And it's up to you whether it's worth it or not to fix it. It seems to me that she's attempting to quit for your sake (and hopefully hers, too). And in her defense, that must be extremely HARD to do, considering cocaine is a VERY addictive drug. So don't forget to take that into consideration. Anyway, good luck with things. Hope you make a good decision.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2007): RUN... AND RUN FAST!!! I am 24 years old and I use to use cocaine causally and it was great for sex, but let me tell you that in time it will lead to an addiction just like it did for me. I was in a relationship and he had no idea what I was doing, and it hit him like a ton of bricks and our relationship since then has been horrible. I got help for my addiction and now we dont have sex anymore and we have all but fallin out of love with each other. We argue all the time and things are just falling apart. All I can say is I wish you luck if you stick it out but knowing what I put my man through its not worth it.
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