A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I"m dating a few guys. Just dating, nothing serious. I am looking for something serious, but at the moment, I have these really great guys pursuing me and I really don't know who to choose. The first guy, I've known for years. I've always had a crush on him for years. So he finally asked me out, and we've gotten pretty close. But, we don't really have that much in common. We think alike, but we handle things differently. He also seems a lot more immature than me, but than he's also very mature. He's the type of guy that is very pensive, and somewhat introverted. I'm the same way. We both like to feel the situation out before we jump right into it. He's very level headed but he's a little out of the loop. We both like each other a lot. He has met my parents, mainly because our parents are friends, but he's also met them under our circumstances now. We have had sexual relations, and I'm pretty satisfied, but he seems pretty inexperienced compared to me. Our sexual approaches are very different, but he has potential. The second guy, I've also known for years. Our parents are also friends. But he's not taking this as slowly as I would think. It surprises me that he is so serious about me. He is really trying hard to get me to commit to him. He says that hes been in love with me from the first time we had gone out. We were previously in a relationship, but it didn't work out. I like his personality. He's a good guy. He's hardworking, considerate, and he likes to make sure everyone around him is happy and smiling. He's the type of guy my parents have always wanted me to be with, but I get the feeling they don't want me to be with him. I'm also interested in another guy. He's interested in me, but we've only gone as far as discussing if a relationship is feasible. He thinks it would work. He also claims to have loved me for a long time, but he gives me space, and I like that. I know I'm ready for a relationship, it just seems too good to be true, if you know what I mean. This isn't the first time I've been in this situation, and eventually the guys have faded away. The guys that I am dating now are the result of that. They were the ones who stayed. And still I'm confused. It doesn't seem fair to keep them in this situation, but I guess I'm not really ready to let any of them go. help?
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male
reader, steph007  +, writes (12 December 2010):
This age and this period of your life is mainly for collecting experience and learning how guys "work" - at all. So do not be worry about your dating practice.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): first of all, at your age i'm not convinced you need to stress about settling down, i mean, it's okay to be exclusive, but it's okay to *not* be, there's nothing wrong with what you're doing, though i think it might be unfair to convince any or all of them that you are exclusive with them, but then again, maybe not, i dunno - that said, the third guy you mentioned doesn't sound like a serious contender, and the second one sounds like he's trying too hard, or at least, that he's not convincing you. ;-) anyway, the first guy sounds like he's the one you are leaning towards (you mentioned him first).
one thing: don't overestimate *or* underestimate the importance of sex, i mean, great sex can be an amazing thing in a relationship, but it may not last, and if one or other partner (or both) become unable to have sex, all the other stuff becomes even more important.
that said, it's not inconsequential, i mean, having different approaches is one thing, but he either turns you on or he doesn't, and if it's important to you that he rock your world in bed and he doesn't, it is not likely to improve with time, and will likely leave you wanting more, and less-than-satisfied with him over time.
mostly, i just think you should relax about settling down unless you really *do* know he's the one - you're young, enjoy your life, date, experience different guys, and find out more about what you really want, it's okay.
best wishes!
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 December 2010):
 If you're not ready to let any of them go, you're not ready for the serious relationship. Each seems to have qualities you appreciate and ones you don't. I want you to eliminate all the characteristics and begin seeing them as individuals. The answer to your question will be found in the one that you can't get out of your mind. When you go to sleep, they're the one who stays in your mind that you just can't seem to wait til the next time you cross paths.
Anyone can have sex. People vary in personality and what they bring to a relationship, but the one you want to be serious with is the one that every time you think of them, your heart beats that much faster.
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