A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel left out from my friends constantly and it's starting to really drag me down, I never stop crying, and I'm plummeting into depression.I've tried talking to them and they say they didn't realise but I've brought it up often enough now for them to know that it's bugging me.What should I do?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): I know exactly how you feel. My friends have started leaving me out because I'm currently trying a friendship with my ex, and they don't like him. One of them yelled at him in public last week, and I got really upset about it because it just makes things so much harder for me, but they wouldn't understand that and accused me of choosing him over them, which is absolutely not what happened. I went to see them and asked them to forget it and made up, but not before I had received a lecture on all the reasons I should not be friends with him etc, my one friend is basically trying to control my life and regulate who I speak to. A lot of this is because issues she has with being the only one without a boyfriend, and issues surrounding her ex. And that's what I have to tell myself, this is THEIR problem, not mine. But it does hurt, even tonight, they have gone on a night out without inviting me, even though that never happens, we always go out together. But I'm lucky, I have a great job where I have brilliant friends and a load of fun there, and am on several student committees where I am making new friends. So eventually, I won't even notice that the controlling, selfish ones aren't there, and that will be their loss. So if you feel that your friends are leaving you out, treat it as their loss, and go and get yourself new hobbies, new interests and new friends!I hope you're feeling better soon, and please don't let it get to you too much. Good, lasting friends are hard to find, my mom says if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand, you are truly blessed, everything else is just white noise.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): hi,, um i have been going through the exact same situation. My friends would leave me out constantly. Organise things without me, have whispered conversations in front of me, and i couldn't bear it because i truely thought they were going to be there for me. I went through denial- i just thought i had to try harder to be involved, my parents said that as well, sad/relisation- i realised what was going on and became really sad and i would get home and cry every day. And then i was just angry and would be very quite around them and not talk to them anymore and the worst thing was when i didn't speak they wouldn't even ask me whats wrong,, so i ended up moving schools at the start of this year and im much happier. i hardly even stay in touch with my old friends,, and why should i. You shouldn't have to put up with that. I hope it works out for you,, don't even worry about them, they aren't worth your love and compassion i am sure. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): As painful and hurtful as this is right now, you have to move away from this group. When my sister was in high school, she was "dumped" by the girl who was her best friend since 1st grade. She felt humiliated, stupid, confused, pissed off, depressed.
But, instead of turning to boys and empty sex, or drinking or drugs, she dug in deeper into her school work. She joined the chorus and the swim team. She tried out for the school plays. In doing so, she made a new friend, and then another, and a few more truly good friends after that.
The good thing about friends is, they're NOT family. You don't have to put up with them when they act like assholes. These people who aren't inviting you to things are jerks. And you know what? In 20 years, they'll still be jerks. And probably fat, poor and married to drunks. Or drunk, unmarried and lonely. Hah! :)
Hang in there. Talk to a counselor at your school if you have one. Talk to your parents--they care about you more than you will ever possibly know--and they will want to know if you're depressed so they can help you, too. If you have a brother or sister, tell them about this, too. Sometimes, just talking it out will help. Especially if a brother or sister says, "God, I always hated that idiot! She's such a stupid bitch. I didn't want to say anything but I'll be GLAD if you don't hang out with her anymore!"
Slug it out, every day. Dive into a new experience. You can't control them, but you can control you. You truly have that power. You may not feel it right now. But it's in you to dig out from the heaviness this has brought you.
So...eat healthfully (a poor diet makes you feel like shit, PLUS everyone knows looking good is the best revenge!), get lots of exercise (working out sends endorphins to the brain, which makes you feel good and fends off depression), and work hard at immersing yourself in new activities that will both take your mind off these people, and introduce you to new ones.
Good luck! You'll be great!
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (14 January 2008):
I always felt like this, i had no other friends other than those guys and wasnt really part of the group. I just put up with it until school finished, also i stopped caring, when your constantly rejected eventually you give up. On the bright side when i went to a college i had better friends and when i went to uni i had even better friends.
One thing you could do is talk to people who you dont normally talk to, there may be some others who would accept you. Some of those better (college) friends were there in the school days.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (14 January 2008):
 Im sorry you feel like this but joni in with your friends more start aranging more things take the lead in conversations and if that doesnt work find people who will treat you better, things do get better i found my truest frinds in the last years of school and made more in college friendhsip like all relatioonships take effort and time you cant expect people to change if you dont
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