A
female
age
51-59,
*ammielee66
writes:I get no affection from my husband at all. We have been married 15 years. Recently I came in contact with my first love.I want to see him really badly. I'm not sure if this is the thing I should do since I have been getting alot of effection from my first love. I really like it. I have tried so many times with my husband explaining how I feel and he wont help fix it. I'm tierd of it. What should I do??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tammielee66 +, writes (29 July 2007):
tammielee66 is verified as being by the original poster of the question The thing is my husband is in denile that anything is wrong with our marriage. I have told him several times I don't feel loved or get enough attention from him yet he says nothing is wrong...
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 Even though you've talked to your husband you don't have the right to cheat. That will make it worse. If you want our of the marriage, leave. Do it properly so you can hold your head up high. Why on earth would you want to be a rotten adulterer? It's the worst choice to make. It's understandable that you need attention. Free yourself from your marriage if needed but do things in the correct order.
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A
male
reader, mpmpaul +, writes (29 July 2007):
Well....don't screw around on him behind his back. Tell him exactly how you feel. Do not mention the other guy. However, after telling him how you feel let him know that if things do not change that you will leave him for someone else if the opportunity presents itself. Don't lower yourself to being just another disgruntled housewife "getting laid" just because her husband isn't showing enough interest. Get professional help. If he doesn't want to then dump him. If he does agree to get help and it doesn't work then dump him as well for that reason,....but, give him (and you) a chance. Tell this old flame to screw off and mind his own business and stop playing on your problems just to get himself a little action, from you. You will live to regret it if you just bed him, out of hand. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): OH the book, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): Well all relationships get into cycles and yours may be in a down swing.
If you keep pointing out to your husband how he is letting you down, he'll eventually believe he can do nothing right and will give up. So how much of this is your doing?
Ownership and accountability is key.
There is such a thing as learning behaviours and do you enable him to keep acting a certain way or have you tried behavioural modification to get what you want and need?
We as beings have so much power to do so much good and to shape our lives.
I recommend you get a book by John Gray, Ph. D to get some insight into the whole male vs. femaly dynamic FIRST. Before you make any decisions.
I say work with what you have FIRST.
Get some counselling to deal with past hurts and disappointments and forgive your husband. Start treating him like a king. Start being thoughtful and considerate.
Thank him when he takes out the trash before you "remind" him. Thank him for opening the door. Thank him for giving you a hug and kiss him. Thank him more. Find little things he can do and thank him.
Honey, will you take this to the bank? Give him time to respond. If he says no, let him.
Love, will you please help me with dishes?
Handsome, will you please go to a movie with me tonight?
Love, will you please snuggle me for a bit?
Ask again. Honey, will you please massage my feet. If he says yes, smile. When he is massaging your feet let him know how good it feels. Thank HIM.
These are oppurtunities to let him do things for you, for you to thank him and make him feel special, like he is making you happy-he wants to and maybe just forgot how to and maybe you let him forget.
It works. I'm not kidding.
Try all these before you start to build up the ex lover as some great Hero and how you will happily ever after.
Happily ever after isn't recognized until after some hard work, tough love, forgiveness, willingness to change for the better, sacrifice, enduring. It won't be til the twilight years when you realize just how fortunate you are to marry an imperfect but loving man who wanted to be what you needed and did his best.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, tammielee66 +, writes (28 July 2007):
tammielee66 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice, I have alot to think about! Your Great :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): Right you obviously get no Joy from this loveless marriage,Now its time for once in this 15 yr. to be fearless if you had a crystal ball right now and you saw yourself still stuck in this impossible situation on the future you’d want out!,Its more then a coincidence that your first Love has come back onto your life you attracted that feeling back that you craved the affection even if this just turns out to be a fleeting moment with an old flame its there for a reason The reason is you deserve better and if this gives you a get out if you wish to be happy in the long term (think crystal ball) you need to take this chance even if its far out or your Mother wouldn’t approve,Or it feels fearful of course its going to hurt but you have only one life to live and you need to take this chance in my opinion. Your words “he wont help fix it” “I'm tierd of it” your words the word you don’t wish to be saying for the next 15 years do you? You will still be ok no matter what you will find someone else if not your first love but then again go for it he could be your soulmate,Try and pick what’s right for you, and think about where you’re the most happyTake care
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): This is a difficult situation your in. Of course, I was first going to tell you to try and talk with your husband about his lack of affection, but you seem to have already tried that. What you must realize is that seeing your first love could open up a door that you may not be able to close. Are you willing to give up on your marriage in hopes of something better? Have you thought about counseling? It might help to have a third party to mediate. What kind of affection is your first love giving you? It sounds like you've already given up on your husband and you're looking for happiness in other places. your first step is to decide whether you think the marriage can be salvaged (and if you're willing to work to salvage it) or if you want something new. hope this helps! let me kno how you are dear =)
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