A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating just short of a year now. We're both 16 and just starting having sex about a month ago. We've only done it a few times. Both with and without condoms. For some reason she hates condoms and doesn't want to take the time to put them on. I don't much like them either but I want to keep her safe. I've never actually came when using a condom, and when I do cum I always pulled out before. But I was still really worried that I'd screw up her life by getting her pregnant. I'd always freak out and look up her fertility calendar when I was alone. I hate feeling like this, so I looked up a bunch of info. on the pill and tried to talk to her about it. She said she doesn't want to go on it and the best explanation I could get was because it didn't feel right to her. I don't know what to do now. I've always wanted at least one kid when I'm older but I'm considering becoming sterile just so I don't mess her life up. I don't know what to do... Any advice? Ideas? Anything? ps. Please don't yell at me for not being safe.. I'm already beating myself up about that enough as it is...
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condom, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (9 May 2009):
 She thinks the pill is a hassle? What about having a baby?!
Look, you asked about becoming sterile and what we thought. I don't believe any of us once mentioned the whole unprotected sex part, except in that the consequence would be pregnancy, which was a concern of your as well.
Its tough love, and it looks like you seriously need it. The pill is a hormonal contraceptive, not drugs. It doesn't alter anything else but her uterus. That's all. If she is that naive then she needs to go to a free clinic, or ask her gyno about contraceptives next time she has an exam, which she should be having yearly.
And she can't tell her parents she is on the pill, but you can become sterile for her? How does that work? And by what method were you thinking of becoming sterile?
If you want to stay with her, fine, but unless you use a condom each time (and you should be using one from start to end of sex if you want to avoid pregnancy), or she gets on the pill/patch/IUD/ depo shot, then you will most likely be a father within the year.
And pulling out doesn't work. That's how I got pregnant at your age.
A
male
reader, The Gentle Man  +, writes (9 May 2009):
 Tell her its either a condom or the pill, end of story. She is not the only one at risk here and if shes mature enough, she will see the point. You need to be firm about this, do not get caught up in the moment and stand your ground. She is being completely unfair and you need to take control.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): I just read 8 straight answers that told you clearly not to become sterile which is what you asked.
We're volunteers here and we see someone ruining their lives, yes, we tend to be a little harsh in a desperate attempt to get the point across. It doens't matter if you get her a promise ring and you're looking for engagement rings.. been there done that.. didn't end up with him.
That's no excuse for letting her talk you into having sex wihtout a condom.
If you don't appreciate what we've had to say, then feel free to NOT thank us, for it's not verynice to tell us in those words. If we've wrecked your whole world because we gave you the truth, then you need to desensatize i little bit. You're doing something right now that can ruin your life and your asking us if you should sto doing it and switch to this new thing that will ruin your life. We've seen a lot of thigns happen, we've lived though a lot of mistakes. You needed some tough honesty and although you don't like what we had to say, i really hope you listen to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): simply tell her... No contraception, no sex. Do you really wanna be a dad at your age? A vasectomy is not the answer.
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A
female
reader, pebble +, writes (9 May 2009):
 Are you sure she doesn't want a kid? She doesn't like taking the time to put condoms on... She won't go on the pill... Sounds very suspicious doesn't it?To be honest, I think you both need to grow up. If you cannot take responsibility for contraception and protecting your bodies then you should definately not be having sex. You both sound like children.And by the way, no reputable doctor would make you sterile at this age just because you don't want to make your girlfriend pregnant. They'd tell you to get a grip and use contraception.If you carry on having unprotected sex, she WILL get pregnant. Simple as that. So if neither of you are willing to use contraception then DON'T HAVE SEX. Take some responsibilty and tell the silly girl to stop being so selfish.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDid nobody read the ps?..... you all just insulted my whole world...my soon to be fiance...and made me feel like crap.... I didn't think agony aunts were supposed to cause more agony...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Oh yeah.. and when i said use something i meant condoms. Don't go get sterile.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): She's being selfish honestly. She doesn't care about safety but you do and she's not respecting your comfort zone. the pullout method DOES NOT WORK. Please take my word for it and stop putting it to the test. Didn't work for me and although i couldn't love my child more, I wasn't planning on her. She's being stupid and by letting it go, you are too. You two need to step it up and use something. And if she doesn't finally agree, tell her no sex. Maybe she's willing to take the risk, but you should not be. You can be much smarter than she is. If she wants, she can get herslelf on this site and read all about all the teenagers getting on here and saying.. "omg i had sex im pregnant." well no duh. Sex has a purpose. Reproduction. And since we overuse it, it also has diseases and can now cause cervical cancer. I hope she's had her shots for that. I had two of mine before i got pregnant. After i concieved, i couldn't take one anymore and i can't take one ever again and the first two don't matter. I had a really solid method that said i will not get cervical cancer but i ruined it.
It's not a game. It's fun but it's not a game and only those who are mature enough to handle it should be taking part in it, and that is obviously not her.
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A
female
reader, KiaGrace  +, writes (9 May 2009):
 Do not go sterile because there is a GOOD chance you won't be with her later on in life, and you won't be able to satisfy your wife with a child when your older, and then you'll feel really stupid. (no offense)
There are more options then the pill and the condom to be protected. There is Nuraring, (look up on the internet) and the Detox needle, (look up on the internet)
If you guys can simply not make ends meet, you have to break off this relationship all together. It sounds like your a really sweet boy, who is trying to fight to make ends meet, but she sounds very difficult.
Tell her, SAFE SEX OR NO SEX!
good luck
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I should've mentioned this before. I've been dating her for a year and I've given her a promise ring and have been looking at engagement rings.
I also finally got an answer about the pill. She feels like it'd be almost like doing drugs. She also thinks it's a hassle to take it at the same time everyday while hiding it from her parents. She's said that I'll just have to be able to tell her no, since she never wants to stop in the heat of the moment, so that I can put the condom on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Oh yeah, and DO NOT BECOME STERIL. Your too young to even think about getting yourself fixed. Think about your future. When your mature enough to be doing what your doing and are ready to actualy start a family what will you tell the grown up woman you love. You two shouldnt be having sex. But if you are protect yourself fool. Duh.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Don't be an idiot. She subconsciously wants you to get her pregnant because she is young and foolish, completely in love, having sex and wants to make sure you can't leave her. Girls think a baby will keep a guy around or at least in their lives forever. Forget ruining her life, use self control and don't ruin your own fool.
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (9 May 2009):
No doctor would in their right mind operate to make you sterile.
Look, I'm sure you care for her, but it doesn't sound like she cares much for making a compromise with you. She is the one who will put both of you in the position of having a baby while you're both still in HS.
It might suck, but if she isn't willing to use condoms, or get on some form of birth control, then you either need to tell her that there will be no more sex, or break things off with her.
I know, it's a sucky situation. But it's the one that she has put you in.
And how are you thinking of becoming sterile? A: you would need parental consent for surgery, B: any other urban myth about an at home remedy is completely and totally unsafe, and C: no doctor who wants to keep his license would perform the procedure on someone so young.
You can always find a new GF who actually cares for how her actions make you feel. You can't always reverse a vasectomy (Ok, you can, but why risk it?) You aren't the one messing up her life, she is doing it just fine on her own. I say get out before SHE messes up YOUR life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Good for you, I mean yeah you are having sex aan unprotected age but you want to stay safe. I think you should tell your girlfriend how you feel meaning that you think you should wear wear a condom for her safty and yours too. Not only would you decrease the risk of her getting pregnant but also getting a sexually transmitted desease.
If your girlfriend still dosn't want to, sugest the patch. It's really sweat that you would make yourself sterile for her but do you really see you spending the rest of your life with her? I mean when you are lets say 30 and married to another women and want to have three kids what would you do? I do not think you should get your tubes tied.
If your girlfriend is still stubborn tell her that you don't want to have sex unless it is protected.
Hope this helped
Luck
xxoo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): I'd say, 'Look, hon, it's a little strange that a guy has to tell a girl this, but... we're going to use a condom whether you like it not.' It's called tough love, sweetie. You become sterile now and then all the sudden you guys break up, where does any of this benefit you other than the 10 minutes of 'ungloved' pleasure. Don't risk it, sweetie. Both of you are better than that and smarter than that. Good luck. =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): i hate to say it but you're being ridiculous.
you are 16 years old. there is no way you should even be thinking about becoming sterile at your age so you should put that idea out of your head.
also, you say neither of you like condoms and your girlfriend doesn't want to go on the pill. well there are so many other options to consider. for example the patch, the ring, hormone shots, IUD...
the bottom line is, if you're not ready to consider these options and take responsibility then you're not ready to be having sex at all.
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