A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I am having dinner with my ex (we're on a break) this Monday, and for the last few months, I have made itclear that I am serious about my intentions with her.The last time I spoke with her, she could have told me it was over, or she didn't feel the same but no, she told me she was afraid that if we got back together, it would be great, and then something would screw it up. Trust issue I guess, but she did say that and to me, if I'm not wrong, sounds like her true feelings that things would be great. She must see that as a possibility? Anyhow, back to dinner. I am afraid of how to handle myself. I have already made it clear how I feel, and she is aware of this. She said she "thought it would be nice if we got together to see what's going on in both our lives" . I can't help but try to prepare myself for anything. So, how do I proceed? If she says anything other than, I've realized I missed you or I want to work it out, should I assume that she is trying to end it? I do not want to grovel, or engender pity from her. Is it ok to calmly assert myself and perhaps say, well, if this is how you feel, then i respect your wishes, but I am no longer going to continue pursuing you. I need to move forward in my life, and start seeing other people.Well, what do you think? I don't want to be mean, I just want to regain my dignity in front of her since I've grovelled the last few months...I am not a mean person either, and she knows that.Any advice or comments are appreciated...
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female
reader, laurette +, writes (27 September 2005):
A women wants a confident and assertive man in their lives, we like to chase a man and love a man in control, so that is how you should be when you have dinner. You don't have to be off towards her just understanding to her needs aswel as yours. Maybe she feels as though you both went to fast before and she felt rushed and confused.
Be calm and collective, talk as though you are friends. You shouldn't grovel because it can be quite off putting, just be yourself but don't open up too much let her guess how you feel and let her ask all the questions. Tell her that you been doing fine and you do miss her but if he just wants to be friends then that's fine with you. It's not too suttle or too blunt.
The thing is she asked you too meet up for dinner, don't think negetively about this situation but don't let your guard down either, be strong even if you're hurting, let her see that you're doing fine without her and it might make her want you more.
Be yourself and show her that you're fine with just being friends even if you're not. It's not likely that someone will go to all the effert to invited a man out for dinner to end things between them when they can do that over the phone or at your home.
good luck and i hope it works out for you...
laurette
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2005): Be totally honest with yourself. If you got back together, would things be as wonderful as the first time around? How many "trust issues" do you have to put behind you?
I've been where you are, done the grovelling with the intense hope that after "dinner" things would be wonderful and go back to normal. Unfortunately it didn't work like that for me and he just wanted to see me to affirm he was better on a break. This was ultimately a kick I didn't need. Could you be strong enough if thats what this is about? Do you want to go backwards or do you want to go forward and live life without the grovelling and the begging?
At the end of the day, do what your heart is telling you, but be prepared for the worst if you go through with dinner and understand that there is a big world out there still for you.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2005): stop the grovelling! its nice for a while but then its a real turn off for femaels. it is possible to be romantic and manly at the same time. if that doesnt work then move on buddy!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2005): You sound like a very sweet guy and guys like you usually end up getting their hearts broke. personally I think the
"afraid that if we got back together, it would be great, and then something would screw it up." sounds like an excuse. How would you know if you don't try?
At dinner tell her that you still care about her but the last few months have shown you that you can survive without her. You would just like to know where things stand between you two. If there is no future with her then you need to move on with your life. Be strong tell her you care but act like you don't. If you need time to regain yourself, you can always say I need to make a phone call.
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