A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I am dating a guy for the last 5 months who I think is great. He is funny, insightful, loving, and we have a wonderful time together. But there are two issues that really bother me greatly:1) He has kids (a boy that is 9 and a daughter that is 16) 2) He is financially limited (not college educated and I am in the middle of a graduate degree). I don't want to write him off, but it been a source of me not fully being able to give myself in the relationship at the moment. Granted, he only see his kids every other weekend as they live far away with their mother. I feel bad that I don't ever want to hang out with his children, but I really don't.To make matter worse because of these issues, I don't really feel comfortable telling my folks about him. His family knows about me and likes me, and he did mention how he feel insecure about my parents not being very accepting. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (31 May 2013):
 I think it's a case of him being a 'partial match' but not quite right. Your gut is obviously making you hold back because there are things about him that don't quite suit you.
Him having two children is a major factor...children are part of the deal, they can't be excluded or kept out of sight, especially if you intend to have a long term relationship with him. If you make it a 'me' or 'them' situation at any time, you are not going to come out on top, because he will always put his kids first.
I do think though, at only 5 months that it's not unreasonable to have not met the kids already and maybe you will feel more comfortable with the kids as time goes on but it's going to take time, patience and effort on your part.
The financial side of things may also cause a rift long term if you are the kind of person who is bothered by being the main bread winner in the family. Again it's your choice to choose someone who is on par with you finacially if that sort of thing really bugs you!
Perhaps give things a little more time to see if you can love the man above the 'issues'...stranger combinations of people have worked out before. But if you just can't get your head around things then maybe it's time to say 'Thanks and goodbye' before you get in any deeper!!
It's unfortunate, but these sorts of situations often are.
Good luck x
A
male
reader, playitagain-sam +, writes (31 May 2013):
Seems like a case of cold feet. These issues didn't scare you off in the first 5 months of dating, so how serious could they have been for you? Now that you have to decide to quit or face the issues, and its understandably a tough call. Seems to me you need to make a gut decision on this. In my experience, when I can't make a decision, that non-decision usually means the answer is a negative. Besides if you can't say "yes" with some certainty than how serious can you be about it.
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