A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife is a manager in a small store of 20 employees. She texts and Facebook messages a male employee half her age. The texts/messages are both work related and non work related. Non work related include videos of songs and home decor along basic funny things that happen such as a goofy mistake made at home. I discussed this with my wife who insists that the young man only views her as the boss and a friend who have music and home decor in common. I expressed my concern that this is not normal since these communications occurs outside of work and approximately four to five days a week. She insists she is doing nothing wrong and I'm overreacting. There is no fear of infidelity but rather concern that a young man is texting my wife a married women and mother. Am I out of line with my concerns?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2017): This is how affairs get started. Your wife is sharing things with another man that no married woman should be sharing with any man other than her husband. You need to find a way to nip this in the bud otherwise you're on your way to having an unfaithful wife and possibly worse. You have sympathy bud
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 I will be honest with you, I am getting married August, I am very close with a guy at work, would never effect my marriage
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (14 January 2017):
 I think your insecurity is getting the better of you. If you dictate who your wife should be friends with because you are either jealous or don't think you measure up, that's not good. This is your issue. Not hers. If it was a female employee, would you have an issue with it? Insecurity and petty jealousy is a sure way to drive a wedge between couples. What is the worst that can happen? She leaves you for a younger man? If she leaves you, it means something is not working in your relationship and she wants out. I think you need to get out of the mindset that your insecurities should control your wife's behaviour. Work on yourself. Work on your relationship in terms of making a stronger connection with your wife and don't stop trying to control her. It will only aggravate her and driver her farther away from you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 January 2017):
 Although I feel you ARE over-reacting, I also feel your wife should put your feelings ahead of those of her colleague and at least try to cut back on the texts.
I used to have this sort of relationship with one of my bosses so I can see how it can be totally innocent and just two people keeping in contact who get on really well, socially as well as at work. Luckily for me, my OH is secure enough in our relationship not to worry about me having male friends.
Ask her how she would feel if you were texting a female friend so much?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (13 January 2017):
 No I don't think you are. It's not what I would consider being professional. Having a good rapport with your employees is one thing but in a position of professional authority it should remain at work, during work hours. Innocent it maybe but your wife should show a bit of common sense and consider how thing can be misconstrued by him, others of perhaps even herself if it gets too personal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2017): I could see why you are concerned. Your wife is crossing professional boundaries. And she is crossing boundaries as a married woman who has a husband and a family. Likely she is enjoying the attention of a younger man. Do you have a good marriage? Do you have sex often? Do you pay attention to her or neglect her? Do you work a lot? What is the state of your marriage? Women like attention and maybe it is harmless but I do believe these kinds of actions could escalate. So, why even put yourself in this position to begin with? This is the problem with men and women working together. It all seems so friendly and non threatening when deep down, it is threatening or has the potential to become threatening in a moment of weakness. Relationships progress. If this continues, they will become too friendly and over time, shit can happen. How do you affair proof your marriage? Stop talking to people of the opposite sex! There is no such thing as harmless or just friends between men and women. Something happens because often it goes too far. And you know what? She didn't mean for it to go that far. Neither did he. But in reality, they are setting themselves up for this by communicating constantly. Your wife needs to stop. Her communications with him should be on an as needed basis only. There is no reason to chat socially outside work hours. She is a manager as well. Bad behaviour on her part and she is setting a bad precedent and bad example. She is a boss, not their friend. If she values your marriage and your feelings, she will stop. But you will have to take a hard stand with her. You cannot just sit back and let her do that and feel uncomfortable, unappreciated and threatened. You are her husband. She needs to go out of her way to please you. Not him. To make you happy. Not him. If she cannot stop, you will see where her loyalty lies. And perhaps you need to rethink your marriage.
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