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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I'm a 47 year old woman that found a dildo in my boyfriend's closet! We've been dating 2 year's and only see each other on the weekends,but talk every night. He has two kids,so he's home with them every night. He isn't vocal about what he wants in bed and hasn't seemed like the type for kinky sex,but sex is great! Just freaking out and don't know if I should wait and watch or just come out and ask!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2017): I would ask him in a serious tone what it is doing there. Don't lead him, just let him talk. My suspicion is that:
1) maybe he is using it up his own butt (kinda weird in my view, might indicate further kinks? but apparently this is common so what do I know. For some men it is a gay fetish, for others just to stimulate the prostate.)
2) he is using it on another woman
3) he used it in the past on another woman.
Who knows which it is, I would be upset too.
Good luck and update us on what he says.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2017): Keep your eyes wide open.Men who are not committed to you and only use you for sex on the weekends are not to be trusted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2017): it could have belonged to his ex or could have been obtained to be used in practical jokes among friends or given to him by a friend who didnt want it anymore. who knows. Now if he had one of those male toys then you would have had reason to be upset.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2017):
 Aw bet chat to me he sounds shitmxx
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 January 2017):
 He may have bought it for you. If sex is "great" maybe he wanted you to have better than great. Men ALWAYS want to have their partner to have better than before so as to keep their partner satisfied. Just ask but make certain you weren't snooping. You don't want him to think you were digging around in his closet looking for things to confront him with. I'm assuming this was just an innocent discovery and you were not searching for stuff that was none of your business right?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2017): How old are his kids? Maybe if they are teens he might have found it in their room and just did not know what to do with it so he just thru it in his closet. It could also have been a gag gift. Maybe it has been in the closet for years and he just forgot..The kids do have a mom. Give the poor guy a break everyone just jumps to the worst outcome without even knowing anything.Ask and see what he says.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 January 2017):
 It could be HIS dildo. He might get off on having his prostate rubbed. Doesn't mean he is into guys but that it's something he enjoys but having brought up in conversation about sex, YET.
It might not come up at all. It might be his "thing".
I agree with "like I see it".
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (13 January 2017):
 Personally I WOULDN'T jump straight to the assumption that this dildo means he is secretly seeing another woman with a dildo fetish, as female anon has suggested. It is my suspicion that such far-fetched yet specific advice comes from a place of personal trust issues. Certainly there's nothing in your post to suggest that another woman is in the picture.
Unless he's independently wealthy, I would suspect that "what he is doing during the week" includes a job to support his kids and keep a roof over their heads. And if he has his kids every night during the week, that doesn't leave much room for wild nightlife. You don't seem doubtful that he is home with them when he says he is, and that's a good sign. It seems you're also allowed free access to his home (and closet) so I'm guessing there isn't a wife in the picture unless she doesn't own any clothing. Otherwise you'd know about her :)
I think a more likely explanation for the dildo is that it's something he:
1) has either tried out in the past (on himself or on someone else) and not thrown away afterward
2) uses on himself currently
or 3) would secretly like to bring into the bedroom, but is too nervous or shy to ask, (especially if it's something he'd want you to use on him).
Prostate stimulation or "milking" is an act that can be very pleasurable for men, but not all women would be into the idea of doing this for their partners (or even comfortable hearing the request) and that would certainly explain the secrecy and the fact that he hasn't managed to broach the subject with you yet. But again, it seems very unlikely to me that he'd be wild about using a toy on another woman on an ongoing basis yet never once have brought the idea up to you over the course of a two-year relationship, so in my opinion you can safely rule that out.
That said, you've found it (and if you happened across it, his kids probably could) so I'd mention to him casually that he needs a better hiding place and see what he says about it.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (13 January 2017):
 To me it doesn't sound like he is up to no good, considering you both talk on the phone every night.
And I really don't think you have any right to question him over what you found. After all, he didn't leave it lying around for you to find; you found it in his closet. It could belong to his ex and he has just never got round to throwing it out. He could be into a bit of anal when masturbating (some straight men can have gay fantasies, just as straight women can be turned on by watching lesbian porn). There could be a number of possible explanations but, unless he does other things which make you question his behaviour, fidelity and motives towards you, I would leave the dildo in the closet where it belongs.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2017): Hmmmm. Okay, so the real question is what is he doing during the week while you two are not together? So, you say he has two kids he is at home with every night? How do you know for sure? Maybe he just tells you that. Is it not possible he shares them with an ex or takes them to a babysitter for a couple of hours on a Tuesday and a Thursday because he entertains another female friend at his place? And perhaps she has a fetish for dildo's??? All is possible. I mean, why would he have a dildo in his closet if you do not use it with him? Unless he has secret gay fantasies and masturbates using it on himself? Or was he planning on using it on you to spice things up? And he hid it in the closet for the time being, and has not sprung it on you yet?After 2 years, why is this relationship not official or more serious where you are both living together? Why can you not be more integrated into his life and see him on weekdays too? Is he married? You have questions and trust issues because you are a tiny part of his life. Likely a little sexual escape on the weekends. And you wonder what he is up to when you are not around. Especially now that you have found this dildo in his closet.You can come out and ask him. See if he is taken by surprise. See how quickly he comes up with an explanation. He may have to think one up out of the blue to fool you. Or he may tell you the truth. It's hard to say. Depends on what he is using it for and if he is cheating. Then you need to ask yourself, will you BELIEVE his explanation or will you go on being suspicious of him which will create problems in your relationship from now on.
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