A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I concerned for my dad's health.He's obsessive over fast food, and demands we eat it six times a week; gets angry about not being able to have access to it, and even has taken out a loan for fast food.He spends hours driving to and from fast food places, and constantly spends family money on food and drink, one night he ate twelve hot dogs and drank six cans of beer then followed by six packets of M and M's, nine packets of Skittles and five packets of donuts.Mom's told him no, we need to keep fit, she's always been into fitness, but Dad thinks it's brainwashing by the media about obesity.I'm concerned about him mentally and physically, and told Mom, she wants to get him help about it.It doesn't help that dad gets up at about 3am and I've found him eating a load of nachos and screaming at the television.I feel angry, upset and worried; this is causing me no end of stress I shouldn't have to deal with as a 16-year-old.I'm worrying about money since Dad told me he's took out a loan of $3.5k claiming it was for business, but "it's really just to spend on fast food, I can blow $3.5k on fast food!".I'm getting seriously worried about him, and don't know what to do next.My cousin Jenny is my best friend, and she's concerned for him. Jenny's my cousin on mom's side of the family.I don't know who else to turn to... what should we do next?I certainly don't want to copy my dad... being a girl into basketball and slightly sporty, obesity doesn't come naturally. On another matter, I hate how people think I'm a tomboy when I'm actally girly, despite being into basketball as a sport (some people assume I'm into it because the players are hunky... ironically, I really was into it for the game itself!). Shooting hoops is fun, even at a serious game level. I was bullied a lot over it pre-covid but that's another discussion in iself.Looking for some help from everyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2021): Some things you're concerned about are better left between your father and mother. Unfortunately, your father isn't going to take orders from his teenage-daughter. All you can really do is tell him how it upsets and worries you; but you have to leave it up to your mother to deal with his behavior. It does seem that your father has an eating disorder; but some people with addictions or mental-illness don't accept being told they have them. He seems to be binging on junk-food to comfort himself; and I would assume he's overweight as well.
Try not to carry this burden on your own shoulders. You're too young to be handling adult-problems; which may require professional-counseling and therapy. You shouldn't approach your father about what he should or shouldn't do; it will hurt your feelings even more, if he has an angry reaction to what he might perceive as your disrespect or criticism. It's better to ask him and your mother to sit-down and listen to some problems and worries you're dealing with; and hope it will appeal to his compassion for you. That might not change him; if he suffers from an untreated mental-health disorder. They should also be aware of the bullying. They have a responsibility to keep you safe. Hiding it from them and internalizing your pain is not healthy for you.
It's not uncommon for female-athletes to be teased and accused of being tomboys. The same goes for boys who want to be in chorus, take dance lessons, or take drama and theater classes. It comes from jealousy, prejudice, and meanness; but being different always seems to draw attention to us.
You have to learn to ignore most of it, and pursue your dreams. I'm sure there are other girl-athletes at your school. They put-up with the same thing; but you can't let other people decide what you can and cannot do. Most of the world's top female-athletes you see on TV and online videos went through the very same nonsense growing-up; but they focused on their gifts and athletic-abilities, and played the sports of their choice. You should too! With your parent's permission, of course.
If the teasing becomes unbearable, report it to your principal and guidance-counselor at school. If you have a school psychologist, you should also inform him or her when you feel it's affecting your schoolwork, and causing you serious distress.
Never hide your pain, that's what you have parents for. Even when they seem lame and have more problems than you do. They shouldn't be the last to know when you're hurting. They should be the first, and if they don't solve your problems; talk to a responsible adult you can trust. Even call hotlines that you can find online; where you can express your feelings with an online-counselor.
When you can, pull your mother aside and tell her exactly how you feel. Understand that she would have done something long ago, if your father wasn't so aggressive; but she may gain more courage when she knows how this is affecting you, and how upset it makes you.
It's very difficult advising young-people when they have dysfunctional-parents; because some parents become angry and retaliatory. They get upset that you've taken your family-problems to outsiders; but to protect your own health, they sometimes force you to get help wherever you can find it.
Make it known to her, if your dad is too much for her; she leaves you no choice but to ask for counseling for yourself, or you will have to go find another adult who will help you. I wouldn't advise giving your father ultimatums; he may lose his temper, and that's more upsetting than anything.
A
female
reader, Tinacandida  +, writes (27 August 2021):
 I think your dad is actually addicted to fast foods by what you are saying. You say he demands that you eat it six times a week. Although he cant make you eat it I can see it would be difficult for you to stop him eating it. My advice wold be to talk to your mother about how its affecting you. Maybe a family conference to all get together to try and let your dad know how worried you all are. If all else fails you shoukd concentrate on yourself so that you dont go down that fast food road.
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