A
female
age
30-35,
*ophiebrown94
writes:Hello.... i am in the midst of a total dilemma romantically which is being worsened by the fact that i have so little trust in my own feelings and judgement. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months. He is very kind and lovely, treats me well, is there for me and all the other positive things you could ask for the in a boyfriend. However, for the last 2 months I have had so many doubting thoughts about my true feelings to him and questioning if there is any attraction or if i am really in love. At the start of the relationship i was unsure but then things blossomed and i really started to care about him. I care about him a lot and love him like my best friend but i don't think that i am in love with him. I find myself attracted to other men and wanting my own space. I don't want to have sex either, and i find myself wanting more. I feel safe and loved with him and comfortable but not content. I cannot stand the idea of hurting him. Last night i opened up to him about this and my feelings shocked me because he was so upset and when it come down to the crunch and he asked if we should split up i felt terrified and sick as well as my heart breaking at the idea of him ever being sad or hurt. I was terrified at the idea of life without him. We talked a long time and agreed to see how things go for a month then decide. I know i still have my doubts and don't feel as much as i should for him romantically but i can't stand hurting him and am terrified of life without him. I don't know what to do for the best, and i question my own judgement a lot in the sense that i doubt my decision making.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 May 2018):
 He's a great guy who deserves someone who is totally INTO him, not someone who already has doubts a few months down the line. This is not going to improve with time. You are only going to feel more trapped and wonder more about alternatives.
Tell him that it is BECAUSE you care for him that you are ending things, because he DESERVES someone who is SURE about their feelings towards him.
Then go out and find that someone for you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 May 2018):
 Yep, I'm with N91
End it and stop stringing him along because he is a nice guy. You aren't attracted to him physically, you are already looking to see what else is out there... After ONLY 8 months.
It's NOT fair on him.
And being single isn't that hard or horrible. Come on!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (24 May 2018):
 End it.
Don’t string the poor guy along. It really doesn’t take a lot to know whether you want to be with someone. If it’s got to this extent where you question your love for him, don’t want to sleep with him and think about other people then it’s extremely clear that there’s no future here.
Forget the month trial period. Break up and both move on in your separate ways. It’s very possible to care about someone very deeply and not want to hurt them but at the same time not want to be with them. Don’t prolong the heartache, break up ASAP.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2018): This may be a sign that you resent the committment to him and just want the freedom to flirt with many guys.Although you cant fault him I think you want to move on.If you terminate the relationship you will probably both survive.The fact that you are not interested in sex with him means that you are not fully suited to him.Now that he knows that you have a wondering eye he may start to reevalate you as less important in his life.So you either throw yourself back into the relationship or continue withdrawing from him.If you want to keep this boyfriend then dont self sabotage any further.Better you try to rewire it with more exciting events to come such as outings, indoor sex, concerts, picnics, barbiques etcIf you have no template for happiness then you will follow the media idea of happiness which tends to be very far removed from reality. You will never hear violins when you kissunless you tune into the channel first.So if you want sex then set the mood with scented massage oils, quiet rooms , clean bed linen, your kind of music etc.You dont want sex you say, but you want more!How strange that is.Are you saying more sex with him or someone else?Try these remedies before you give him the boot.
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