A
female
age
41-50,
*ji
writes:I am 29 years old and have been married to my husband for 7 years. My husband is very good to me, is a hard worker, very physically fit, attractive... About 6 months ago I started seeing a man at work who is 39, divorced, has four children, and has a girlfriend. This man is not nice to me, he doesn't compliment me, is moody, and seems to get angry with me very easily. And, the sex is terrible. He doesn't like me to call or email him, he always has to be the one to contact me. Sometimes he calls me two times a day, other times I don't hear from him for a couple weeks. Yet I crave his attention. My biggest concern is that I don't feel bad for cheating on my husband. I don't want to divorce my husband because he loves me so much, I don't want to hurt him. Plus, I would miss him. But, this doesn't seem fair to him.
View related questions:
at work, divorce, has a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (3 May 2007):
 Oh sweetheart what a tangled web eh!!
All the advice you have given by all the others is certainly sound advice and the fact of the counselling I think is essential.
This guy is a user and once a user always a user. He is divorced with 4 children and already has a girlfriend. He is having his cake and happily eating it.
Bad sex is just that, I'm very surprised he managed 4 kids if that is the case but they often say you don't have to be good to make children.
Yes you do have underlying problems of self worth and sitting around like a puppy dog waiting for this guy to click his fingers is just not right and you are worth so much more.
You have a loyal husband at home but perhas the spark has gone out of the marriage and contentment has settled in which means that the danger factor has gone and perhaps that is the element that drives you to continue seeing this loser.
A marriage is not dead if you put the energy into it but it can go stale like any relationship.
Also the fun can go with the boring routine of married life and children as all our energy is just doing the day to day things that have to be done, work, housework, sleep and start the next day over.
Perhaps getting away for a holiday with your husband and if you have children all go and spend some quality time together and away from this other guy. Or perhaps just a romantic weekend away with your husband to a nice hotel on your own.
Loser guy does not deserve someone as wonderful as you and how would you feel if you became pregnant, mortified I would think and from what I naturally feel as gut instinct I don't think bad sex guy would stick around and face up to his commitment as he has been there 4 times before already.
Seeing a counsellor which is trained as a sexual counsellor could well be the right way to go and even if it is only for one consultation it could be well worth the money.
Keep us informed and just try your hardest to stay away from this guy, he is no good for you and never will be.
Also if your husband is as gorgeous as you say I am sure there are plenty of other women who would be more than happy to spill the beans on you if you were ever spotted seen with bad sex guy. Keep your husband, he sounds like much more of a catch and they are hard to find, believe me.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): i think you need to stop having this affair. the other man doesn't respect you whereas your husband does.ask yourself what you would do if your husband was cheating on you think about that every time that man rings you. but if you still don't care then tell your husband how you feel he doesn't deserve to be hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (3 May 2007):
 You need to ask yourself why you crave this man so much ? What on earth could he possibly be giving you for you to risk your marriage ?
Do you love your husband ? You say you would miss him but you dont mention love. Im thinking you husband is a probably a great guy too great and your looking for someone that will degrade you hence this other guy, what you have to work out is why ? What is the attaction ? Is it a self confidence issue ? Have you been treated badly before ? Do you like the way this man makes you feel by being treated in this way ?
You could be afraid of how your husband does treat you which is a whole lot better than the crap affair guy. It sounds as though you do have issues surrounding how you feel you should be treated and what you deserve.
I think you need to address what the need is for this bad guy and stop seeing him straight away.
I get the sense that something has happend to you before and you feel you deserve to be treated that way, its sometimes a way we are treated when younger... im not a quack so i cant say for sure, but there is something deep rooted her and you need to get this addressed hun. Im not comming accross as judgemental, I do just think you have an issue thats causing you do this, one that you really need to get looked into. I think counselling will someway go to helping you identify this... so please seek some help. This isnt right... you deserve to be treated well, not like this affair guy, and i think the reason you dont feel guilty is becayse you feel you deserve what you get... now you have to banish this and re order what you want in life... you do have self confidence issues somewhere but i dont know what these are related to... please seek some help and you can understand why this is all happening to you.
Take care xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (3 May 2007):
 Why do you have sex with a man that is not nice to you, doesn't compliment you, is moody, and gets angry with you very easily??? And why do you have sex with him, when this sex is terrible??? and above all he is not your husband! So why do you do this??? What is the reason you get attracted to such man? Why do you like him? Why do you need this? I can not understand you! You seem to have a very low self-esteem! Is sex with your husband not nice? I'm sure it is much nicer than with sex this man! So why are you in need of such terrible sex with someone that is not nice to you at all when you have a loving husband at home??? Why at all are you in need of this man? You seem to have a problem and I recomend you very much to get some professional halp of a psychologist or to go to a counselling!
And stopp seeing this man NOW! Don't answer his phone or textes! Do you don't realise that he is just using you for his own fun! He will text and phone you only when he wants to. He only wants to have sex with you when he needs it. He is using you like his privat prostitute, but don't need to pay you anything. Do you don't realise what is going on?
You don't need him! You don't ned to have sex with him! You even don't need think about him! He is not worth your time, your thougth nor your feelings! You have a worth yourselfe! And you are too precious for this man! If you follow him like a slave, you will get hurt very much and you will break on this.
So stop seeing and hearing him NOW and get some professional help bevor it is to late!
...............................
|
