A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This gonna be as concise as possible.I found six pictures of a woman in provocative dress (lingerie, bedsheet) in different poses in my boyfriend's email address. I confronted him about it and he got mad and said that he only asked for those because he wanted to see how she looked like, because he plays with her sometimes on Lord of the Rings Online, a pc game. He said that she said that the photos are meant for her husband, but he said to just send them anyway because they were all that she had. He told me I was throwing stones at him, but all I asked what why were he had those photos. I figure that he would only need one. So why send six? This happened a week ago. I'm trying to put it in the past but my heart just won't let go of it.The last pic he received was the day before I moved in with him. Also when I confronted him, he said there were only four. We looked on his email and there were only four. I thought I was going crazy. He asked me what I wanted to do with them and I told him that he could do what he wanted with them. I looked on his email again today and the pics were still there. I deleted them myself but forwarded them to my email. I'll probably delete them. He has nude pics and regular pics of his exes on his computer. He tells me that he forgot all about them. He comments on his exes pics, about her boobs and how she was holding a pole. Is this ok? He also has nude pics of another ex on his email. I'm bothered by all this. Please tell me your opinion about this. I would really appreciate it alot because I'm pretty sure I'm not thinking straight at this point.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did...And it wasn't even the fact that it was naked women. Porn I could care less about. It was the face that it was six pics of a woman he interacts with from day to day.
A
female
reader, laura31  +, writes (17 September 2008):
Men are always going to love pictures of naked women. It doesn't mean they're going to be unfaithful. Also, it's you he's living with, so presumably it's you he loves. He could well find your behaviour rather oppressive and controlling and that could push him away...if there's no emotional attachment to the women in these pictures I'd try to let it go. It could well be totally meaningless. I wouldn't go fishing around his private stuff either. You've only been living together a few weeks, take it easy. You need to try and build up some trust of each other, not be accusing. Otherwise it's not worth being there and living in misery. If you talk about it again try to show you're sad and upset about it rather than angry and accusing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd I also emailed that LOTRO chick and told her to stop sending pictures. I also established that I was his girlfriend. Lol.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went looking in his email because my curiosity got the best of me. I know it was wrong to invade his privacy but I already apologized to him about it. I'm not uncomfortable in our relationship but it just bothers me that he has those pics. He assures me that its nothing. We've been together for a little over a year. We've lived together for a few weeks. I've had an ex cheat on my before and while we were apart, there have been times when I couldn't reach him for hours at a time.
I might be deemed over possessive but I deleted those pics of the LOTRO chick and the other pics on his comp that was not of his exes. I understand logically that he has a right to have pics of his exes but it doesn't help my heart feel any less heavy. I cracked the password on his myspace and checked out all his female friends...I've found nothing incriminating. I talked to him about it again and got it all off my chest.
I feel alot better now but I think there will always be a part of me watching out for my heart.
Thank you for your answers and just keep adding if you have any further thoughts.
Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI went looking in his email because my curiosity got the best of me. I know it was wrong to invade his privacy but I already apologized to him about it. I'm not uncomfortable in our relationship but it just bothers me that he has those pics. He assures me that its nothing. We've been together for a little over a year. We've lived together for a few weeks. I've had an ex cheat on my before and while we were apart, there have been times when I couldn't reach him for hours at a time.
I might be deemed over possessive but I deleted those pics of the LOTRO chick and the other pics on his comp that was not of his exes. I understand logically that he has a right to have pics of his exes but it doesn't help my heart feel any less heavy. I cracked the password on his myspace and checked out all his female friends...I've found nothing incriminating. I talked to him about it again and got it all off my chest.
I feel alot better now but I think there will always be a part of me watching out for my heart.
Thank you for your answers and just keep adding if you have any further thoughts.
Thanks
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (16 September 2008):
 With the online LOTR woman- seems to be an emotional, perhaps sexually explicit, affair. It's not just porn, it's a woman he chats to. That's highly inappropriate.
The exes- masturbation material. It's relatively harmless assuming he doesn't have emotional connections to these women anymore (and the pictures weren't sent recently). But I can see how it might be bothersome to you, so I suggest you both sit down and lay out some guidelines as to what is appropriate/inappropriate and come to some compromise on the matter.
Of course the online woman needs no compromise, he needs to cut that shit out.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (16 September 2008):
 If you have spoken to him, and he lied, and refuses to delete them, leave him.. he might delete them to your face, then change his password and get them back again!
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A
female
reader, ZeeZee +, writes (16 September 2008):
On one hand, that old saying does really apply: "If you go looking for trouble you are bound to find it." What made you look in his email? Were you thinking that he was cheating before? And how long have the two of you been together? How long have you LIVED together? All these things really apply.
The fact that he got SO upset over it does send off a red flag for me though. I'd say... have a chat with him, and follow your gut. If you're not comfortable in the relationship, what's the point of being in it?
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