| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend says that i love my bike more than her, trouble is, i think shes right!?We've been together about 2 years now, we were fine to begin with, but when i got my new bike (HARLEY-DAVIDSON DYNA GLIDE FXDCI) last year i feel that i wanted to spend all my time with it/her instead of my girlfriend. (Its an amazing bike though)Now i feel like I'm being forced to make a choice by my girlfriend, is that fair? Cant i have both? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2006): Yah a ride will include her is what was meant so she feels less threatened by an object and really; most women put far too much meaning on such things as he values his bike more than her and their relationship...give me a bloody break!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): It sounds like your girlfriend is feeling justifiably neglected. You get your new bike and then all of a sudden she goes from your number one to a somewhat far off number two. If you had got the bike and still spent the same or similar amount of time with her this probably wouldn't have happened.
If you do really love your girlfriend then why do you chose to spend most of you time not with her? Maybe you don't feel as strongly for her as you think.
This mightn't be your girlfriend in particular. You might find that most people would be unhappy about coming 2nd after a bike. How would you feel if she got some car or something and then didn't care or have time for you so much!? I don't think you'd like it.
Yes you can have both providing both she and you are reasonable. It sounds like you have been very unreasonable. She perhaps has been a little unreasonable as she would have been better to have asked you to spend more time with her than to demand you get rid of your bike.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): haha, this cracks me up. just take her for a RIDE on your bike. surely this will work.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2006): It's too bad she isn't some hard up thirtysomething and has a devilish fantasy that involves a motor bike. *yowls*
Seriously, have you offered to take her out on some of your trips?
How much time are you "investing" in your relationship? What is the appeal of the bike? Freedom? Speed? Power? Sexual thrill/rush? All of the above?
Do you happen to live in a country where there is little snow?
If you live in Canada; I say it is not a "serious threat".
Are you interpreting her asking for more time with her as she despises the bike? Have you told her about stories where women like you on the bike? Is this what is the sore source?
I say limit your time on the bike til after you spend time with her; if she still sees it as "it's me or the bike"...then move on-no one should let their insecurities rule them.
Does she find that you can spend all that money on yourself and not on her as an offense?
Sounds like her ego took a recent blow and she relates it in some way to your bike and newfound "freedom".
Talk to her about this and state where you stand on your bike.
To be honest; if you can honestly be that torn up over a bike and a girl-you are just not as ready to be in a commited relationship as she wants and expects.
Good Luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (5 September 2006):
 I would choose the bike..why?.. because it cant answer you back,it will give you a good time when you ride her and you probably wont have to spend much money on it.As for your long suffering girlfriend,i would just let her go...otherwise there is 3 in this relationship and it just wont work,bless her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (5 September 2006):
 im not being cheeky but does your girlfriend actually hear herself when she says this to you?? She is jealous of a bike, an object - not a real person! Truthfully in order to make this relationship work you'll obviously have to spend more time with her and just explain to her that she is your number one, your bike is just a hobby that you have. Try sharing it with her and try to show her the excitement that it gives you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (5 September 2006):
 You can have both if you divide your time equally!! I can see where you are both coming from! Shes sick of seeing you disappear off to look after the bike and not look after her, and your like but the bikes great i need to do the man thing why cant she be happy for me!! Now why cant you divide up your time, why do you have to spend all your time with the bike ? Why cant you agree to disagree, a relationship is all about compromise... and so far you havent been... Whats the point in being in the relationship if you want to spend all the time with bike and would rather that than your girl ? So are you saying you are now ready to spend some time with your girl ? No wonder shes fed up as you have actually written here, you preffered being with the bike than her. So i think if you want the both you have to a include her a bit, try and get her interested in it, take her out on it, show her what a great machine it is, i know they are! I used to date a biker and he managed to juggle the two... he did spend a lot of time with the bike but also had time for me! Anyway.. she may take a bit of coaching to come round to the idea but it may be the only way you are going to win! Show her that you care and want to make it work but dont want to lose your bike.. Do you live together ? Im guessing maybe not... in which case, why dont you have say 3 days bike the rest with girl or totally split it, spend the weekends with the bike and the week with your girl, but from time to time take at weekends take her out and show her a good time... Its not that hard to divide your time up if you really want the bike and the girl. NO matter what girl you date, shes not gonna like coming second best to a bike, and never sees you. So show her that you do want to be with her and make the effort to show her spoil her a bit and also schedule time in there for the bike... after all you may get later on down the line and decide your a little bored of the bike and what then ? No bike no girl... Say if you still want the girl and the bike your gonna have to play it fair and divide up your time... its not that hard, also maybe try and get her into a hobby and she wont be on your back as much! Either way you gotta make a compromise!
Take carex
...............................
A
female
reader, theskycastle +, writes (5 September 2006):
 well, you're the only one who will know best. If I'm your girlfriend, I'll be very mad if you spend all your time with your bike and not with her. However, as a girl, I know we often exaggerate things and get extremely emotional about how boyfriend never spend time with us. Being someone's boyfriend, you might have to sacrifice a little for her. Maybe you should schedule yourself to spend time with both so both you and her will be happy. If you're unable to make this alternate arrangement, maybe you're not ready to have a relationship with her yet.
...............................
A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (5 September 2006):
 You've got to weigh the pluses versus the minuses.
Bike Pluses:
Gets you from point A to point B.
Makes you look cool (so you think).
Doesn't talk back.
Bike Minuses:
Isn't as much fun to have between your legs as a girl (I hope not anyway).
Might leave you stranded (although a girl might do that too. LOL)
Can cause you severe pain or death if you crash (a girl can just cause you severe pain. LOL)
Why don't you buy her a bike and ride together, or let her ride with you on your bike?
Hopefully, you can reach a compromise.
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): Of course you can have both. If there's times when you're apart, then go on your bike. You could try to get her involved, see if she'd want to go for a ride with you. And the rest of the time spend with your girl. Try to do a few more things together so that she doesn't feel second best. Even if at the moment she is
x
...............................
|
