A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I of 5 years recently had an argument about him being at strippers and getting a dance. It was brought up again last night and his reaction took me by surprise. He had asked what was wrong I said upset still and he said after a week he though ridiculous, said he didn't notice and don't take too long to get over it.Thinks it strange to have such an emotional reaction rather than anger, he could deal with a slap on wrist he could understand but not this emotional response. Thinks he's hard done by as reaction as of something much worse and he not a player like some guys. I said couldn't help how I felt and fact it upset me thinking of a girl all over him like that and made me feel like I wasn't enough. He thinks it's strange I've had this reaction over something irrelevant and ridiculous which happened a while ago and it's not that bad could have been worse.I asked him did he think it was wrong at the time and he said no he didn't think that, was drunk and didn't take my feelings into consideration. Told him that what really hurt me as he didn't think it was wrong. I said makes me worry if he gets that drunk again and it happens again and he said not likely to happen after all of this.He spoke to his mate and said this why his wife doesn't make a big deal cause she doesn't know. He thinks it would have been better if he hadn't said anything. I said that was worse to me as it then beginning to hide and lie and he said it would have avoided all this emotion.I asked him did that mean he just going to do it again and lie to me know and he said he shouldn't have said that cause it will be in your head now, I'm likely to not go in again at this rate if this is what happens. He thinks I think he's looking for another girl and I told him that not the case at all completely trust him just don't want that to happen when at strip clubs as I think it wrong and disrespectful.I said all I wanted was some reassurance that it wouldn't happen again and he said he already told me that and what else did I want him to do. I said I don't want lied to can go to the club but just no dances. Told me again it was a voucher on entry so he didn't pay for it as if that makes it better but I said could have gave it to someone else. He said didn't think of that but they all married as if he can do it because we aren't marrried. I said I don't care could have gave it to them anyway.Based on this reaction it's taken me by surprise as he's not usually like this at all. I'm worried he doesn't care for me and should I be considering leaving before I get hurt again. I'm battling to trust him to his word based on how he wishes it hadn't been mentioned. what should I do? It seems a waste of such a happy relationship previously to give up after this
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drunk, player, stripper Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (20 January 2020):
 I think you've asked about this before. Why do you keep asking when you already don't trust him and don't like his actions. Just end it and find someone you can trust.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2020): I disagree with the statement that it would be a waste to give up on this relationship. The trust is gone, at least from your end, so to hold on would be the waste...of both your time and his. It is no longer the happy relationship that it was, and it never will be, because you’ll drive yourself crazy wondering if he will continue to get lap dances and lie about it. To be honest, from what he said to you, it sounds like that’s exactly what he’s planning to do. You have mismatched opinions on boundaries within a relationship. That’s what it boils down to. You aren’t going to make him see it your way. He made it clear he doesn’t see it as a big deal.
Neither of you are wrong to hold the opinions you do. However, you both need to find someone who agrees with you in this area, otherwise there won’t be any trust. I would have this conversation fairly early on with the next guy. You have the right to set boundaries, and leave it up to the other person to decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not. I’m sure there are guys that would be just fine with the “you can look but don’t touch” approach that you’re asking for. You’re actually on the more lenient end of the spectrum when it comes to this issue. Many women would feel uncomfortable with their partner going to strip clubs at all, let alone their partner having physical contact with the strippers.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 January 2020):
 We have had a number of questions over the past few weeks dealing with this issue, this one in particular sounds very much like your situation, I suggest you read through the answers and decide if they are applicable to your situation.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-am-uncomfortable-with-my-partner-going-to.html
and this one:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-uncomfortable-with-the-thought-of-my-boyfriend.html
and then there is this one:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-my-boyfriend-lies-about-what-he.html
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