| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm looking for peoples personal experiences with this if possible please.Has anyone ever wasted 10 years of there life and manged to not let it get them down?I've wasted a lot of my 20s as I've kind of been stuck in life. So no love life and no career building.. I always try to say to myself OK my 30s will be good but I get a negative thoughts saying 'well you've wasted the fun years of your life why bother now.. I know it's the' missing out' feeling but it's froze me so much.So has anyone dealt with something similar and it doesn't bother them. Thank you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, justadebbiedowner  +, writes (21 January 2020):
Are you the same person now you were while this was going on? If you have realized you wasted time, I say this: welcome to growing up. I too did that. Before I realized what a good formula for living my life would be I was married young and had children when I had told myself I really didn't want that. Somewhere in my subconscious mind it was programmed there I guess. I love my kids and my wife but our best time to get established and travel would be in our 20's. Point is, you can't look back, only forward. Do what you can do NOW and don't fret about what was because if you let it it will Rob you of peace and happiness.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (20 January 2020):
 Every day above the ground, is a good day. It's also an opportunity for change. You can't change the past but you can work towards creating a good future for yourself. Don't throw away the rest of your life which could be the best of your life, for the years behind you that you can do nothing about. Look forward. Let the thought of your future bring hope and excitement because many good things can happen for you. The past is just that, the past. Make peace with it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 January 2020):
 You know, a few sessions with a good, qualified counsellor would probably help you deal with some of those negative feelings you have about your 20s, and give you some tools to move past them.
I saw this on facebook earlier today,
"Never be a prisoner to your past, it was just a lesson, not a life sentence.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2020): how do you know its a mental health problem? Everyone i know says im fine.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2020): You have to write a line underneath these so called wasted years and look forward. Otherwise the next decade could be 'wasted.' I put the word wasted in parenthesis because it all depends on what your definition of wasted is.
Most people in the world feel that parts of their life have been 'wasted'. Life ain't a fairy tale where everything goes in the way you want it to. There aren't marking posts at every point of your life ...by the time I'm twenty I will have achieved such and such.....by the time I am twenty five such and such will have happened. Human beings PUT these markers on their life, but life isn't like that.
Looking back I could say that I have 'wasted' loads of years, many decades in total by going in the 'wrong' direction with the 'wrong' people. For instance I gave way more than a decade to the wrong job for me, because it was secure and paid the bills. By giving 22 years to a jealous and manipulating friend who guilt tripped me every night of my life to go out with her, when all I wanted to do was stay in. I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd told her to piss off much sooner that I actually did. I 'wasted' another near decade in total being with abusive men.
Life is a learning curve and even though you might feel that you have wasted a decade, you have been learning all about life and guess what you will hopefully do so until you die. Learning about yourself happens through making mistakes, through 'wasting' time. No-one gets born and starts off on the most fantastic path that's just right for them from the off. In fact there are many more than just one path for us to follow. If I had my life I would most certainly change a lot of things and the way in which I did them, wasting time being one of them. But at the time, it was the way it went and I cant change that and I'm not going to waste any more time in looking backwards.
I'm nearly sixty and have discovered a love for writing. I wish I had discovered that decades ago! But I didn't so I create as much as I can in the time I have left. I have been passionate about dance for the last twenty years and boy would I have loved to have made that my life but I came to it far too late. So what have I done? I have enjoyed it as much as possible for the time that I have left on this earth cos there's absolutely nothing else for me to do.
I hate to tell you something, but there may well be other times in your future where, looking back, you will feel you have wasted. But we don't have a crystal ball. And we cant MAKE certain things happen. Like relationships. You're not alone in wanting one. So many people seem to crave a mate and to settle down, sometimes finding out it's the worst thing they ever did and wished they'd stayed single! We don't know the best way forward always, we have to come to it via a circuitous route sometimes and that can feel like a waste, but the time that we spend getting somewhere is a time for learning, about ourselves, about others and about life. And that's never a waste.
Do try and lighten up and enjoy life! Don't take it so seriously! You can't rewrite the past. So don't go there. Don't look there. Look at what you have and what your opportunities can be in the future.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2020): Absolutely know how you feel. I split up with my daughter's father when I was 26 years old and spent 17 years not moving on and forward in life.
I met my boyfriend at 43 years old and things changed drastically in my life. It's hard to get your head away from negative thoughts but set yourself goals, do courses to progress forward, maybe a new hobby you haven't tried before.
Life can always change and for the better. My boyfriend feels he wasted most of his twenties being with the absolute wrong person and not getting out of it quick enough.
You can't change the past you can only change the future
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2020): Yes, I've done exactly the same thing. It has taken me time to realise I had a massive mental health problem... And is only now I'm sorting it. I'm 34 now, and every day is a struggle, but compared to when I was in my 20s my life has changed quite a bit. Set yourself small targets and achieve them bit by bit. A wasted decade isn't necessarily a wasted one, but a stopgap to make the next one better.
...............................
|
