A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 18 years old and I am attracted to my step Father. He's been with my Mother for 16 years now and their relationship isnt perfect. As far as I can remember I've been attracted to him. He seems like the perfect guy for me. In my relationships ive been looking for a little bit of him in them. I am single now. No one cannot ammount to his level. Its not the sexual intercourse that I want from him. Last year was the first time sometime physical happened between us. We snuggled on a bed. :) Its was pure bliss.. I swear that I had a miny heart attack.Im debating weather to continue this 'thing'. I want him to hold me some more, To say that he loves me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2012): it seems like this guy raised you. that's really gross on his part if he tries to make something more of it because you are like his daughter. and doing that to your mom is awful
A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (29 April 2012):
He isn't just a step father he is the man who has brought you up over the years, it isn't blood that makes him your father it is the way he has brought you up over the years that makes him your father. YOu are also talking about betraying your mother!You are looking with someone who has the same qualities as him to be your boyfriend....not him exactly! Also in my country step fathers who have brought up a child from a certain age and and for a duration as yours are not legally allowed to have a relationship with them.What you are thinking about doing is wrong on many many levels and needs to stop straight away. If you even attempt to discuss this or pursue it then you are likely do lose your mother forever and your step father.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Hi
Your step father has been your parent since you were two. I understand he isnt a blood relative but he is your Mums partner and in effect,your Dad. His behaviour is creepy and he is taking serious advantage of this situation. He knows how you feel.
Do not persue this, it will lead to heartache for all of you.Ruin the relationship with you and your Mum. If you can,leave home, live with a relative if possible.Avoid getting in a one to one situation with him. Spend time with your friends, find things to do with people your age.
You will meet a lad one day and fall in love, maybe somebody a bit older than you. But not this man.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 How is the relationship with your Mom? Because contemplating a relationship with your Step-father is the ultimate betrayal of your Mom. Can you talk to your Mom or to a counsellor?Now that you are over 18 - for your step father to give you a snuggle on the bed last year - I would call that grooming you. For more of the same in the future. if your step father and your Mom are fighting in front of you or so you can hear them - then they need to sort this out. It is not fair if they argue so you can hear them. the state of their relationship is THEIR problem to fix. And maybe they do need some counselling or help with their marriage. You may have feelings for this man who has in effect fulfiled the role of father for part of your life. That his relationship with your mother is not strong is their problem, not your problem. To even be contemplating stepping in to fill a need in his life will only cause mayhem in your family.This is a step too far and you need some support to help you realise this. The role (for your stepfather) of your snuggling partner is not one that will help you in life. It will mess with you big time and destroy your relationship with your Mom.Does your Mom know about the snuggling on the bed episode? If yes then she too should be attending counselling to recognise that your step father is betraying his role as step father if he thinks it is appropriate to snuggle with you on a bed. How can you ensure that does not happen again? If you cannot or do not know how to stop it happening again, or DO want it to happen again - in all instances you do need some emotional support - probably from a counsellor who knows the signs that indicate a teenager at risk of abuse in the future.You may have your step father on a pedestal in your heart. But Step fathers are meant to protect you from harm, not make it easier for you to be harmed in the future.Do not allow yourself to be in the home alone with you. It is too risky. That your step father thought it appropriate to snuggle on a bed with you tells me that his intentions are questionable.This link is aimed at parents. But it may give you some insight into potential problems in the future : http://www.safersociety.org/uploads/WP071-Prevent-Child-Abuse.pdf Do you have a biological or legal father who you could discuss this with? It might help bring some clarity to this situation. There is the love of a parent. And there is sexual love. Neither a parent nor a step parent should ever contemplate a more physically intimate relationship (I am not talking about sex). At this stage you have snuggled. And then you want him to say he loves you. I hope he loves you as a step-DAUGHTER and nothing more beyond that honorable relationship. The support your step father has been giving you should be support any good father gives - looking over your school reports, attending school meetings and events, taking you to sporting and teen social events. And home events - asking you to clean up your room, giving advice, encouraging you, helping with homework. Yes, lots of step fathers do not care to do these things, but life if so much better if they will do these good things. If your step father does these approriate good things then there is no doubt he cares and probably does love you.A step Dad can also let you know when you look good (in a parent-appreciative way = not in a sexually orientated appreciative manner - the latter is inappropriate.A good step father may even need to step in sometimes and discipline you and step in if you act up. He needs to set boundaries. And those boundaries should never be crossed.if your Mom does anything to encourage you to get closer to your father then I would suggest you leave the home and live elsewhere. However I wonder if your Mom is completely in the dark about the actions of her husband and completely unaware of your emerging feelings. Please see out some support. Otherwise you get way out of your depth if this situation escalates in a way that will be bad for you.
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