A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boy friend going on a year now. And i love him and care for him dearly. The only thing is, is that he is suffocating me. He wont even let me talk to another man, and if we are out and he see's some guy talking to me he will cuss them out and most the time cause a fight. He always wants me around him, or when i am out away from him he expects me to be on the phone with him the whole time. I have also had some trust issues with him. Other than that he loves me and treats me fairly. Just so annoying that i stay upset and angry with him all the time, but i know i still love him. And now to make it worse, the guy who i have been friends with for over a year now, i have fallen in love with him. Never thought it to be possible to fall so hard for someone online. Yes, thats right online. I have never met this man before. But he is all that i think of.. Somedays i'd rather talk to the other guy than my man. I am so confused about what to do now. I don't want to hurt my boy friend. But then again, i don't want to hurt the other man, or me for that matter. The other man makes me so happy, and i feel at peace when i speak to him. Now he is talking about meeting me. I'm such a lost cause. Someone please help me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): Thanks For All The Feedback That You Gave. Nice To Know Someone Cares Enough To Stop And Read My Question, Must Less Take The Time To Answer It. So Thanks Again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Your "boyfriend" is a control freak and you should run for the hills as soon as possible. These type of men are terribly insecure and project them all on their significant others. In time he will not allow you to do anything. He will call you at home to be sure you are there. He will follow you to see where it is you are going. Eventually, he will invent relationships for you and accuse you of being unfaithful because they are ultra jealous. (I'm running a few years into the future.) Some of these men eventually kill their wives or girlfriends when they attempt to escape and sever ties.
http://www.healthboards.com/boards/archive/index.php/t-117232.html
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Cannot-Stand-Controlling-Men/391313
RUN. RUN. RUN. AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (11 June 2009):
 It really sounds like you are going through a difficult time, and I'm sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. The very first and most important point you have to address is your boyfriend's behavior. I think it's really inappropriate for him to treat you like that. If you really love someone, you trust them. Or at least you attempt to pretend like you don't have jealousy issues, and you grit your teeth and bare it when your significant other talks to members of the opposite gender. I think that the fact that you are angry with this all the time has pushed you even further into this other guy's 'arms' so to speak. Mind you, that doesn't rationalize at all what you are doing. Emotional affairs are affairs none the less, but it's probably the reason behind it. As for a solution?
You need to honestly ask yourself if the guy you are with is worth being around. I can't really tell you if he is or not. If he is, then you need to sit him down and tell him that what he is doing isn't working. You need to tell him that half the world is men, and you are going to have to talk to them at one point or another. And he needs to accept that. If he doesn't, then you two obviously don't belong together. If you are willing to take this step instead of breaking up with him entirely, and you see this guy worth the effort, the next step is to stop contact with your 'friend' online. That is cheating in some form. On the other hand, if this guy isn't worth confronting and attempting to patch things over, then dump him! Simple as that. And after you dump him, you can guilt free talk to this other guy online. I would wait before meeting him though...nothing worse than having a rebound right after a relationship.
If you've been talking for a year online, he'll understand the wait. So you have to choose if you are willing to work on the relationship you have now, or if you're tired of things and ready to move on. I wouldn't suggest having the best of both worlds (having a jerk boyfriend with an emotional affair on the side), because it can really damage self esteem. So choose!
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