A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey, im hoping someone will help me.me and my husband have a 1year old baby. my husband has lost alot of friends since we got together, mainly due to jealousy. He only has one mate now. They are quiet close and his mate *steve comes round every friday night to chill and play xbox.This doesnt bother me, im happy my husband has someone other then me. Iv lost all my mates and i dont want him to feel how i do. My problem is, steve comes round say at 6pm and they play xbox until 7am! I dont think this is fair on me or our baby. Steve has unlimited calls on his phone contract aswell so is always phoning my husband, last night i went to bed around 1am, i got woke up by my husband coming to bed at 6:30am, i asked him why so late and he said steve was on the phone. This made me so mad.Also when steve comes round they order pizza, which usually costs like £40, my husband says steve gives him half towards it, but i have a feeling he doesnt. in these hard times, im not sure we can afford £40 pizza every week. Iv spoke to my husband about this and told him to talk to steve about it, but i dont think he will. what shall i do? i dont want to talk to steve myself and seem like a cow. Steve made a big deal a few months ago about saying "im glad your (my husband) still wanting to chill with me even though your married, most people when they get married get boring and never come out" Iv told my husband i dont mind them playing xbox until 3am but 7am is unacceptable. what should i do?
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Hi OP.
I can understand why you are trying to defend your husbands even though he is the reason you have posted.
The fact is, the impression that I am getting from what you have said is that he is being irresponsible, selfish and childish. If my 34 year old partner stayed up till even 3am on his ps3 I would have something to say about it and seriously question his commitments.
Do you and your husband work? How does he manage to get up in time after a hard nights gaming?
What were you studying at college? Have you thought about going back now that your son is a bit older?
Are there any baby groups you go to? My sister in law said that her and her daughter get very agitated if they don't get out every day, cabin fever. Being a mother with little company can be lonely and stressful.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): hey op again, my hubby is 24 and im 21, we got married in november. we are not to young to be married. i very much doubt there is anything going on with them to be honest. and yes our baby was planned. dont judge me when you dont know me, we got engaged 6months after being togther, planned our baby, fell pregnant at 8months, planned the wedding for november so i had chance to loose the baby weight. i didnt force him to marry me, he wanted to!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): hey op again, my hubby is 24 and im 21, we got married in november. we are not to young to be married. i very much doubt there is anything going on with them to be honest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): The fact is, at your husbands age, you can't make him 31, he is still 18-21 and whether you have a baby or not, the fact is, you're too young to be married, he must have been a father by 19, then married. As no doubt your baby wasn't planned, you just became pregnant whilst dating a guy, and so end up married.
He needs to experience all those things he's doing with this guy Steve, and more besides before he becomes ( if ever he does ) a mature responsible adult ready for commitment.
Marriage doesn't make you change overnight, nor does a baby. All these things should be learnt before having a baby.
That's what dating is for! You're basically an Xbox widow, and the other guys can give you all the advise on how you need time for yourself, talk to your husband, that may be fine, if you're a couple in your 30's or 40's with lots of single life before. You can't go from school to marriage, and a baby within four years, and expect it to be anything than what you have in front of you.
Sadly, it's a harsh fact, and the ones' that are harsh, are the hardest to swallow, but they are the ones we learn by. As much as your request is perfectly reasonable, you are not dealing with a fully mature adult, all you can do is talk to him, but somehow I don't see you making your Golden wedding anniversary!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): its op again.
its been going on a while but reason im fed up now is because iv recently had the flu, it was my babys bday party on saturday and friday hubby went to get a cake, he left at 4, he didnt get back until 9:30, i had to look after our son and tidy house by my self while ill. i went to bed at 8pm because i was tired, hubby woke me up when he got back and i told him to wake me at 11 so i could eat. he didnt, he was to busy playing xbox, so that day i didnt eat. he came to bed at 7am and our baby woke up at 7:30. obviously i got up but the house was a mess again, i got hubby up because party was at 1pm and we needed to make food and tidy up, he had ago at me, he was moody, slamming about etc. it turned into a major argument. If hubby went to bed even at 3am at least he would of had some sleep. theres always something planned at weekend cus thats when hubby off work.
im not going to put a child lock on xbox, i dont want to treat him like a child because hes not, if hubby dont tell steve he cant stay up all night then i will because its effecting our baby and our relationship
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A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Sure your hubby isnt gay at all? Even with close friends those of us who are decent realise there is limits.its not normal for a male friend to ring a buddy at early hours of the morning constantly specially when theres a child that needs sleep and assistance as well.Only times myself and my still married mates are up at that time is when we've organised a drink up night one night every couple of weeks to keep in touch sounds more like steve needs to grow up as well and realise his mate has responsibilities now.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Like I said -
Put your foot down. Make rules. You aren't single any more and you're right; it's not fair. Talk to him about what you expect an how your weekends should go. God knows you are both probably running on a sleep deficit already, putting your foot down and limiting how long they play on Fridays and how much he is allowed to spend on pizza is actually something that a normal couple would discuss. Why on earth is his friend not pitching in on the expense anyways? Sounds like most of the other wives have put THIER foot down already to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): OP if he's going to act like a child then perhaps it's time to put a time lock on your 360.
http://support.xbox.com/en-us/pages/xbox-live/how-to/parental-control.aspx
I warn you though that might create conflict between you but if you're at your wits end and he won't listen then I don't see any alternative.
Talk to him again, tell him you've had enough and ask him to respect your wishes. You're not being unreasonable. But I do stick by my original post OP.
If you're not getting any, then you too need some 'you' time, some time to go out and cut loose. I would be careful about talking to Steve specifically as you said you don't want to drive him away and you don't want him to feel unwelcome.
Perhaps next time he comes over you sit down and talk to both of them. If your hubby isn't taking you seriously on this then maybe steve will respect your wishes, just don't do it behind your hubby's back.
Don't tell them about the child lock until after you have it set and be careful not to limit the games they can play, you only want to set a timer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): hi im the op, me having no friends has nothing to do with this, how can you say that? like i said i dont mind them playing xbox, i play it with them aswell, but my hubby has responsibilities, he goes to bed at 7am, how is this acceptable? he ends up getting no sleep and takes it out on me! slams about, shouts at me, how is this fair?
for your information when i was 5months pregnant my so called best mate tried it on with my hubby, cus i quit college and they didnt see me everyday, they all took her side. his so called mate kept telling me my hubby was cheating on me and then kept flirting with me! iv learnt who my friends are, i have one friend who lives in another city cus of uni. this has nothing to do with the situation.
whats the difference between 3am and 7am? getting a few hours sleep, not being had ago at? being in a happier mood?
my hubby has a baby and steve needs to realise this, my hubby isnt single anymore, he cant stay up and play his xbox for 13hours!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): If this xbox thing is one night a week then I would try and put up with it. I mean they could be out drinking in bars and getting wasted until that time but instead they're at home and not spending much money.
The pizza thing is easily solved. Why don't you get finger food or make your own pizza for them instead. There are cheap alternatives to it.
What's the difference if it's 3 or 7?
You know I don't think this is about the things you state, I really don't think the xbox thing would bother you so much if you were actually happy with your own situation as regards your friends. I think the fact you've lost all your friends and have no way of cutting loose yourself is what the real issue is.
How did that happen by the way? How did you both only end up with one friend between you? I mean what have you done without girly nights out, without days out shopping, meeting for coffee and chats, without having the girls over for wine etc.? How do you cut loose and have fun or is your life completely devoted to your family and nothing else?
I think you might be getting cabin fever, I think you need to have your own friends and your own life outside of your family and home. You need to have at least one night a week where you can go out and have some fun, a hobby, something, anything just so that you too can have a break.
Please don't take that night away from him, you know how much strain it's putting on you, if he was to have nothing to do either your marriage would suffer for it.
Time for you to get your time, or organize a date night with your hubby, perhaps you could alternate fridays, he gets one with steve and you both get one together while your baby has a sitter. Maybe steve would babysit, I mean he could play xbox while you head out with your husband.
I honestly don't think the friday night xbox thing is the problem, so I really don't think them sticking to a curfew is going to solve the problem either. Maybe you could have friday nights to go out yourself, I mean steve and your hubby can look after the little one seeing as they're at home all night anyway and you can head out meet some new people, you could get in munchies and other goodies they can eat on the cheap, then head out yourself for the night and go to dnacing lessons or pick up an old hobby you gave up when you had the baby. There's lots you can do.
But I say again, restricting his freedom is only going to add to the strain not solve it. What you need to is to start gaining some more freedom yourself.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (18 January 2011):
Put your foot down and make some house rules. Your husband isn't going to do it; so it's up to you.
If he's as good a friend as he says; Steve will understand that a household with a baby needs some downtime from xBox - 3 a.m. is WAY more than most wives would allow; and that Steve should be paying for half the pizza when he DOES come over - your husband shouldn't be the one paying every single time.
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