A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years and just feel like she doesn't find me attractive or want to be with me anymore. We are both 23.We have lived together for the last 2 years, and spend most of our time together, other than when we are both at college.I can never seem to do anything right, she always snaps at me for everything. She doesn't trust me any more, and has told me this. She reads all my text messages,and openly checks my emails in front of me despite my protesting, which leads to her telling me I'm hiding something. I do have female friends who do text me but nothing untoward. She refuse point blank to meet them, instead she prefers to accuse me of cheating with them despite spending the vast majority of time with her. She also gets really angry and jealous if i see my friends any time outside of college, saying haven't you seen them enough in lectures? I really don't know what to do, for example one of my friends rang me crying at about 11pm and i talked to her, and my girlfriend just went crazy at me, but i couldnt just turn away one of my friends who is crying with nobody else to turn to. She feel she is so possessive of me, she hates me spending time with friends be them male of female, but especially female. In the past she has told me she thinks of me as an object she owns, and that's why she is so possessive. Im her first real relationship so i thought maybe this could be it? She doesnt have many friends, out of her own choosing as she often says she hates people and is always bitching about them, but maybe that's a female thing? sorry if that sounds sexist, i didn't mean it to be. I have never cheated on her or given her a reason to doubt me, i have even asked her why and she doesn't know.I honestly don't know what to do, the sex as well is also suffering, its roughly about once a month, and over the summer (3 months) we did it once. When we do have sex, it feels very restricted and forced. She has told me that she hates the 'idea' of sex, which to some extent might be true, she does always walks out of the room if sex is on tv or if her friends are talking about it she seems to be feel uncomfortably and will leave the conversation. She hates foreplay, me touching any of her private areas is out of the question, i somehow have to turn her on doing all this, and she wont touch my man parts, i always struggle to turn her on and have to use loads of lube and this just makes me feel unattractive and not a man. Oral sex is completely out of the question, the thought of it makes her feel sick. Having said she hates the idea of sex, im still not happy with it, ive even suggested sex therapist or something, and she just accuses me of calling her a freak. I just want to have a happy sex life with her, i don't want just sex with anybody, i love my girlfriend very much and want it to work. She is never in the mood, i always have to start initiate it, which is difficult when there is no foreplay and when she says no to me, i die a little inside. She only wanted to have sex in missionary position. I have tried suggesting new positions, places, toys anything to spice things up, but this seems to just freak my girlfriend out and push her further away. I do all the usual relationship things, going for meals, walks, going shopping with her, buying her flowers and presents. This doesnt help, now she instead of being happy when i get her things, she expects them and get annoyed when i dont get her any. I try and do the majority of cooking in the house, and do as many chores as i can. I'm at a loss, what to do.Thank you for reading this, it feels good to get it off my chest, as it's not like i can talk to my friends about this stuff.
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flowers, foreplay, in the mood, jealous, oral sex, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dizme  +, writes (5 November 2010):
I would advice counselling for her. It would appear from her actions that she has been sexually abused in all honesty. If you love her it is good to let her know and try to understand if there was abuse. The controlling things she does need to stop tho. Privacy is a difficult boundary and should be respected.
A
female
reader, Ms Me +, writes (16 October 2010):
Wow! This sounds to me as a woman, your girlfriend is not so much unhappy with you but she is unhappy with herself. To be so insecure about yourself that she thinks that she may lose you to another woman every time you go out with friends or get a text..poor girl! She must be so unhappy about her own body to deprive herself of an active and enjoyable sex life.
You do need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Be gentle and understanding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2010): Wow. Do you really think this situation will get better as the years go on? Once she has a ring on your finger? Most of us married guys look back longingly at the dating years with our spouses. How much fun they used to be, the sexual advertuiousness. I can't imagine what this woman will be like once she is married.
Run...
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