A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago.we'd been together 10 months and it had been quite a rocky relationship, very intense, moved very fast and although the good times were amazing, the bad times were too difficult.he suffered from retrograde jelousy and it took over our relationship, we'd have a great day together and then he'd bring up my past, my ex's, getting upset and angry that he wasnt my first love. he used to really hurt me intentionally to unload some of his hurt onto me.we were helping each other through it, he was about to get counselling and try hypnotherapy, we both wanted it to work as we love each other so much.however i found texts on his phone to his best guy friend, he'd said some pretty hurtful things about me and it just pushed me over the edge, i met him that night and broke up with him.he was heartbroken, ive never seen someone so hurt, it killed me to do it to him, however i felt a relief that he wouldnt be hurting anymore from all the jealousy he suffers.he did explain the texts to me, that he was drunk and angry as we'd just had an argument, no excuse i know, but he also said he was weak and didnt want to tell me how he felt to my face as he'd hurt me too much so he vented to his best friend. i do understand that although it still hurts.anyway, i felt so gulty for causing him so much pain we ended up meeting the next night and although at first he couldnt even look at me he ended up listening to all my reasons for ending it, basically for setting him free to be the old him again and by the end of the night we were laughing, joking, talking, having the best night we'd had in a long long time. he was back to being the man i fell in love with in those few hours and he admitted it was because we wernt together and that by just being friends a weight had been lifted from him, all the jealousy and anger and pressure of trying to be as good as my ex's had gone away. it was a great night.stupid or not we made love that night and both said it felt so right, we discussed that we still love each other and in the future do want to be together. he's still going to try the hypnotherapy even though we are apart at the moment which i think is amazing.however we still text each other saying how much we love each other, we still meet, we still make love, we still act like a couple just without the label.what i really need to know is this unhealthy?! should we have some space to figure out what we really want or if it works for now should we carry on like this?i just dont want to get hurt or for me to hurt him again, what if we carry on "seeing each other" and then one of us meets someone else as we arent committed? someone will be left heartbroken, but then what if we stop and it could have been the best thing that ever happened if we'd given it a go.My heart wants to stay with him, my head doesn't know.im so confused and would appreciate anyones views and opinions.thankyou
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 Not exactly healthy, but not exactly unhealthy either. You're in that grey area that's difficult to quantify. I don't see a problem for either of you as long as you don't let others into the mix.
You broke up for a good reason. You probably shouldn't have had sex again. Basically you're not broken up anymore despite your label. Actions are what's important and if you're acting like a couple, guess what, you're a couple.
He needs to get over his jealousy issues before you can ever have a good relationship together. All this "pressure" he feels is self imposed. It doesn't matter what you say or do, until he realizes that the past is the past and they are in the past for a reason, he'll never have a healthy relationship with anyone.
If what you two are doing is working, then why not? I'd suggest setting a couple of ground rules though. I would suggest that as long as you're having sex with eachother, you're both not out having sexual relations with anyone else. FWB's are fine, but you need to be honest with yourself about your feelings and intentions. You also need to be honest with eachother about those same things. Good luck.
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