A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Help! i'm feeling really ashamed about my bi sexuality and liking more women, than men. I would love to be out,but i know that will never be the case when i think about being the way that i am. I feel sick, horrible. Sick to my stomach kind, like i'm making sins that are unforgivable. I hate telling people too or admit that i have feelings for girls. I shame myself so much, i really don't want to live in this state of mind. It's so painful. I am catholic, and i feel like i'm constantly being judged and i won't ever be forgiven for who i am. But i hate the way i block myself out from the world, i wish i had enough courage to talk to the person i like without feeling ashamed of myself. I don't know what to do... I wish i had my parents support but i can't even deal with telling them this. I tried once but my father said, "they do it like pigs" i tried to change for them, but the more i go on with pretending who i am not, the more unhappy i am with my life. I just want to feel normal again... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): i'm personaly not religous. mainly because alot of relious groups shove things that are hurtful and untrue about certin groups down peoples throat. I'm not bashing on them just a fact really. but dont be down on yourself. i guess you could look at the whole "god doesnt make mistakes" thing as reassurance. I mean isn't he sposed to be like, perfect? just be yourself and shove all the negitive thoughts away from you! focus on all the positive energy! and if it helps you dont have to say you are bisexual you can just say that you keep your options open. also i can tell that it is really bothering you. you should see if there is a PFLAG group or a LGBTQ support group around your area. If there is try to get your parents to go with you sometime. hope this has helped a little. Best Wishes!
A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 Check the following post and you would get all of ur doubts being erased -
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-think-i-am-gay-but-i-dont567.html
just try put yourself in shoes of the poster and read the answers.
Hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for the supporting replies, i suppose after reading it i did realize something's that are true, no i have not been in a real relationship as of yet so i guess i don't really do have an answer yet. SO you guys are right, that did open up my eyes a lot. Thanks for letting me know about the religion that its not bad, i'm always off saying "i'm sorry" constantly. When i have not done anything wrong at all.
That puts me at peace.
Cupid boy, your right. Centering my head into so much confusion is really unhealthy i've realized that i never feel 100% okay. And i should be feeling great.
Thank you for understanding me all of you, and giving me such wonderful advice.i am completely thankful right now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Never ever force yourself into something that makes you unhappy. Do not force yourself to live a straight life (and by extension making yourself and your spouse unhappy when somethimg finally does happen)because of the bigotry and closemindedness of others, you do what makes you happy, and through that love, devote yourself to hod. God would not have made you this way unless he intended for you to be this way!! It is your job to be a decent, moral, and devout example to other believers that god loves us all. Best of luck my dear!!
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reader, Cupid Boy  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 Ok, if only to balance out what everyone else has said about being yourself, simply doing what you want, and that God will accept everything, I'll add this: while it's true you can't help who you're attracted to, you can still decide how you will act on those attractions. You have some measure of control over your behaviour. Being bi, you could go either way -- have a traditional straight relationship which will be blessed by your church and family, and naturally result in children OR opt for a gay relationship which goes against your religion and presumably your core beliefs. Since it's not possible to have both, which alternative will you choose? Which is most likely to bring you lasting happiness and inner peace?
I am not saying to disown a part of yourself or reject who you are. You will most likely always be bi inside. But that doesn't have to rule your actions if you don't want it to. The fact that society is not in chaos is due to a lot of people making hard sacrifices and not acting upon what they want. A man may be predisposed to mate with as many people as possible but he makes a conscious choice to commit to just one woman for life. A woman may often fall in love with married men but choose never to act on it. A gay person can love a straight person but choose to respect the other's boundaries. When people start to believe they are slaves to biology, with no control over their instincts, they sell themselves short. That is something that Catholicism and all other world religions are trying to prevent (even if they cause needless guilt by wrongly suggesting that being gay in and of itself is a choice).
That said, I think you are feeling way more guilt than is productive -- a form of self-loathing over what you are, not over anything you've done. No good can come from that. You never chose to be bi, that was out of your hands. You must acknowledge and accept all parts of yourself, even the ones you disapprove of, or risk becoming mentally unhealthy. Just realize you are in control of what you do. It's kind of like committing to one other person for life when monogamy is supposedly "unnatural". Someone doesn't achieve monogamy by magically losing interest in everyone else; they do it by continuing to be attracted to others and making the choice every day to be faithful. In the same way, you cannot "pray away" your attraction to girls. But being bi does not preclude having a traditional relationship with a guy if that's what you'd prefer.
Also, you are still young. There's actually a large number of young women who identify themselves as "bi" but then end up in heterosexual marriages later on. You've never been in an intimate relationship with a girl and for all you know it might not be anything like what you imagine. So don't feel you need to draw permanent conclusions and know everything about yourself right now. You don't have all the facts yet and much self-discovery still awaits.
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reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (16 June 2011):
 HI
Never be ashamed of who you are, no matter if your straight, gay,bi,white,black etc etc you are the person you are meant to be. Everything happens in life for a reason, maybe if you did try with a girl you might not like it, or if you did so what? life is far to short to be worrying about what other people may or may not think about you. And I agree with annalisa, God is about love, his is forgiving . And unless your hurting anyone he will except you with open arms. OK lots will say man was meant for woman, it's adam and eve not adam and steve, But that is because they are not in your shoes and find it hard to understand.Only you will know what to do next, and only you can be the one too deal with this. So you need to be strong, and find out for yourself who you truely are. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Just because you may feel like you like women over men, doesn't really make you gay (I agree with dorothy)
Its funny, b/c..when I was younger..maybe during my teenage years (and maybe a lil now...), i feel attracted to women than I do men. I have a fiance (which is a male), who i have been dating for 4 years, and every now and then I kinda crave that "womanly touch". We are women, we understand eachother, we feel the same feelings, we are gentle, we sympathize etc and that attracts us. You know how sometimes we think "UGHH! if I was ever a man, I could totally be the best boyfriend" or "I just wish men UNDERSTOOD!"
Not saying this is entirely true, b/c..maybe you are bi-sexual. But...you have to find that out. How are you suppose to know if you never tried it? It is very scary, i know. But...you are going to be unhappy either way (not finding out, or...believing your not)
As for religion...I don't know too much about your religion, but one thing I do know...is that god loves us no matter what. He forgives us and accepts us for who we are. If you are bi-sexual, but you love god, and can accept him into your heart...i can't imagine how god could not accept you and love you back. Take care hun, and goodluck!
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reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (16 June 2011):
Hi there. Although you seem to have feelings towards women more than towards men, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are gay. Merely that you are at least curious.
As you do not say this, I am assuming that you haven't actually had a sexual relationship with a woman as yet. So the truth at the moment, is that you are just curious.
Because of this, you won't really know for sure until you actually do experiment with a woman. If you do this, you are then going to know if it's for you or not for you. But to find out, you have to do it first to know.
There is nothing to be ashamed of if you do find that you are gay or bisexual. If it's who you are, it's who you are and you will then have to learn to accept it.
Once you do know your true sexuality, and you become comfortable with it, well then and only then, decide on how you are tell your family and friends.
It's your life. You can't pretend to be someone you are not.
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