A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've been wondering wether or not ask someone about this for a while, so I'll just go straight into it. I've had feeling a for a girl for many years now, after finally plucking up the courage to tell her how I felt, she unfortunately did not share my feelings. At the time we saw each other every day due to our work, this was extremely hard for me as she told me to not bring this up again, we still had to see each other and I didn't want to upset her by ending our many years of friendship. We now no longer work together but she still wants to see me, just as a friend, and I have been trying to find someone, unsuccessfully but she has. The problem is even though we see less of each other I feel my love for her coming back when I see her again but she is in a relationship. a part of me thinks we can be together, but when i'm not with her I think I'm more confident and that I can find some one for me. I don't want to upset her by saying I don't want to be friends anymore but I think I need to move on. This troubles me most every day, I appreciate your time .Many thanks,Mr Astaire
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2014): Your ego is finding it hard to accept she has rejected you. Deep inside, you wonder why she can't like you the way you want her to; because you've spent too much of your time idolizing and obsessing over her. Now being placed in the friend-zone is insulting to you. Your pride is hurt.
If it hurts you to be in her friend-zone, it is best to dissolve the friendship altogether. The are nicer and prettier girls.
You're only remaining friends to be close to her; then frustration overtakes you, because you want her differently from the way she'll accept you.
It's time to grow-up and stop placing her up on a pedestal. She doesn't have romantic feelings for you; but that doesn't mean you're not good enough. Her rejection is paralyzing you, and making it hard for you to like other women. When I say "grow-up," I mean stop letting the little boy inside insist on having what he wants; because he can't take no for an answer. Wanting the forbidden fruit more than ever, because you can't have it.
Obsessing over females isn't healthy, and it keeps your feelings on-hold. You're suspended in time and your emotions are frozen in place; constantly ruminating over the fact she will not change her feelings toward you. Your mind resists moving on; because she hurt your feelings. You've spent too much of your time worshiping her from afar. Your ego wants her to apologize and change her mind. That isn't going to happen.
Remove yourself completely from her presence. Go totally no contact, and find new distractions. Delete and block her from your phone, remove her from Facebook, and start moving forward to break her spell.
If you can't break-free, then it's time to get some therapy. You shouldn't be that infatuated with another person. There is a point when you need to practice some self-control and restraint.
If you absolutely can't get over her, counseling will help. I think you just haven't spent enough time away from her to give yourself a chance. Maybe it is time to shift from boy to man. Stop letting "the boy" have his way. Don't let her make a fool of you.
I also think she is playing on your feelings because that strokes her ego. It doesn't make sense to reject a guy then keep bothering him knowing how he feels. Stop letting her dangle you on a string!
It's up to you to free yourself. That's where you'll have to man-up and take charge of your own feelings, my friend.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 October 2014):
 She likes you as a friend, YOU like her as more - which means you don't have a regular friendship, but one of "worship". YOU "worship" her. And now that she is unattainable for you, you think the feelings you have is LOVE.
Even IF she didn't HAVE a BF, she still wouldn't date you. Because she doesn't LIKE you in a romantic way.
Don't worry about upsetting her, she will get over it. Tell her you know I can't be your friend any more because my feelings are stronger than that and being friends hurt. And then LET HER GO. Don't have contact. Delete her number, block her e-mail and FB/social website.
YOU WILL NOT find someone who LIKES you the same way you like them, UNLESS you let her got, because you are SO hung up on this girl you can not have.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2014):
 Oh that's a no brainer ( for someone who's not in love with the girl, of course. I know I know :).
Think of yourself first. If YOU do not decide what's best for you and how to make it happen, who do you think is going to do it for you ?! The girl? No sir. She is looking out for herself and HER wants and needs, and I do not mean it in a mean way, like she is a monster if selfishnes, just that, very naturally, she wants to do what works for her- i.e. keeping her bf, and keeping around a good platonic friend who is always ready for support and companionship etc. Why should she not want that.
Only, it collides with YOUR interests and wellbeing. Ar rhe state of the things, what's best for you it is to put as much emotional distance you can between you- and not be reminded of what you can't have blah blah , twisting the knife into the wound, and preventing yourself from moving on. I think you'll never really move on, if you keep going like this.
So, basically, who cares what SHE wants ? Her problem. You mind to do what heals YOU and benefits YOU in the long run.
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