A
male
age
30-35,
*er_zyniker
writes:I'm gay and I love one of my best friends and I told them a couple of months ago. They made it clear that they aren't, but they said that they respected the fact that I'm gay. I feel awkward when ever I pass him in the halls at school and I tryed to get together with him without anyone else being there so that we could get use to being around him again and my other friends wouldn't get suspicious that something was going on. Every time that I asked him about it on the phone he said that he would see about it and would give me a call that when he knew or would give some excuse for why that wouldn't work. Every time that he didn't call I started getting angry and thinking that he was avoiding me. Then later I would feel so guilty that I thought that of him. Then a couple of weeks ago I asked him about getting together and he gave a weird response so I asked him if he felt uncomfortable being around me without anyone else being there. He said yes, but we could get together if there were other people there. I don't blame him for being uncomfortable being around me without someone else there. What makes me so angry is that I could tell him something that I have never told anyone, but he couldn't tell me something that simple that I needed to know. Instead he thought the better route was to avoid me for two months. The more I think about it the angrier I become. I just want to be friends with him. I think he is still avoiding me even though I have tried to meet him while other friends of our are around. What should I do? Right now I need his help because I know that my family won't be accepting of me when I tell them that I'm gay.
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male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (25 March 2010):
der_zyniker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat makes me so made about this is that he was really the only person that I trusted and he did that. Anytime I rely on someone or trust them with something important I get betrayed on some level. Now I can't even get a hold of him. I think he is screening his calls. Should I even bother trying to continue a friendship? I don't think that i can trust him to tell me what I need to hear and not what he thinks that I want to hear. I can't trust my family with this because they have verbalized that they don't think the gays should qualify as people. They think that you should be able to walk up to gays on the street and punch their lights out or kill them. They put gays in the same catagory as pedophiles. I'm sick of not being able to trust anyone that I care about. I'm tired of knowing that I have to choose between my family and having a partner some day. I'm tired of knowing that I will never be able to have kids. I wouldn't want a kid now, but that is what I want more than anything. I wish I never told my friend. I'm starting to wish that I never meet them at all. But if I were to try to continue being friends, how can I try to make him see that I'm not going to try to make a sexual advance on him and that I never was trying to?
A
male
reader, anysecondnow  +, writes (19 March 2010):
You shouldn't be too angry cause it is kind of your fault that this situation happened. But you can be sad about it ;-)
It is not easy to love someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. You made yourself vulnerable to this person and he has run away from you. I know, it hurts.
But you have to realize that you always risk the friendship if you try to get together with a straight guy. He is not mature enough to handle it and is afraid....
There isn't a lot you can do now...
I wish you the best, man. Things will work out and you will find a gay boyfriend you are crazy about, I am sure. Good luck with the coming out too. You may be surprised that people are a lot more accepting than you think. I hope so.
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