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writes: I have been on here so many times with my marriage separation, here I am again needing your help, I have two gentlemen who have emailed me, to take me out somehow my ex got a hold of the emails and emailed them back telling them I was not interested....I still love my ex very much. I was a little flattered, but at the same time he doesnt approach me with anything...he's a middle aged man getting his motorbike back, he bought a BMW and has told me he doesnt want to live with me because he screwed up he had an affair 4 years ago ...I couldnt get over it, a year ago some woman popped up and he denies her too....I am crying all the time..I miss him he was a good man until he walked on the dark side....I cant stop this horrible feeling inside I feel pathetic...
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female
reader, B123  +, writes (8 June 2011):
 Dear Cegana,
May I give you a few harsh examples that has sadly happened to good friends of mine:
"I forsake all others" - the words spoken by one of my girlfriend's ex-husband at the altar a few years before he cheated on her. Thankfully she left him afterwards, but not before he'd broken her heart.
"I swear on the life of my children that I'd never cheat" - spoken by a man who cheated with his wife's best friend. She managed to leave too.
"I love you" - spoken by my old boss who cheated on his wife twice, and gave her an STD that left her infertile. She's still with him and believes every word he says. Imagine that? I don't even know why she took him back and stayed with him even if she loves him to the v core. Look what he did to her from screwing around.
The point is that ultimately, a man's words mean precisely NOTHING without the actions to back it up. Somehow I think these examples above might just stop the tears you have been experiencing. Why not move on now and save yourself anymore misery?? REMEMBER FOR YOUR FUTURE PARTNER: If he treats you well, spoils you here and there, shows you that he cares, is attentive, caring, understanding - then you're insane for thinking about leaving him and I'd say "see ya" to you if you said you were.
If he treats you badly, then leave him anyway. Guess what he treated you v v badly, broke your trust and left you all alone to deal with it after 24 yrs and now is finally realising what an idiot he has been to you. Let him lose you - you are worth so much more. Upto you of course..but read above and then you might see that maybe you are better off without him.
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male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (15 April 2011):
Honestly, Cegana, that's what I figured. Listen, what I am about to say, please don't take offense to it but I'm all about giving people the real deal when it comes to advice.
You are allowing this man to control you through your emotions. Most likely he is not going to change, and even if he said he did change, would you really be willing to take the risk of getting hurt like that again? You HAVE VALUE as a person and you probably have a lot to offer someone deserving of it. He does not deserve what you have to offer, plain and simple.
I am assuming you were married for a good stretch, yes? Well, if he bothered to throw that away on affair(S) (yes, it's plural) then he will most likely do it again. You really do not need someone in your life that treats you like this. Of course, you still love him. You have an extensive history with him and that cannot be turned off like a switch but, as we know, the right decisions for us are not always easy. Life is not supposed to be easy or fair; you know this because you have a little more time on Earth than me.
I think if you can find a way to accept this for what it is then you be more at peace with it after a time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPatheticallly...I do want him back...I still love him..and want know one else.
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male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (15 April 2011):
No, I don't think he wants you. But, if you truly don't want him back, why does it matter if he does want you back?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 April 2011):
 No, he does not want you back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo you all think he wants me back? Thats what i want to know...I am not ready to take him back it would be destructive, right now...but do you all think hes want me?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2011): I feel really sorry for you and the situation you are in. Sounds like your Ex doesn't want you to move on but he's allowed? Cheeky manHe's clearly going through his midlife crisis and you've paid a high price. This isn't the same man you married so don't think of him like that. You sound lovely and deserve some happiness and to be free to live how you choose to nowChange all your info on the PC, a totally new password especially - a new email address too. Try to block him out of your life till you feel strong enough emotionally to handle himLook after you and don't let him manipulate you a day longer. Dont rush back into dating either, it's never wise, give yourself time to mend, date yourself,spoil yourselfGood Luck
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 April 2011):
Change your email address and use a password that he's not familiar with. That kind of behavior is inexcusable but the only way he'd have access is that you were using something he is familiar with and knows about.
Maybe, you need to deal with your grief and pain of this breakup before you start dating. You're not going to find your answers in someone else.
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A
male
reader, macdubh712 +, writes (14 April 2011):
You sound like a very nice lady so forgive me if I am a little frank. Judging by the last few sentences of your posting, it sounds as if you might be living backwards. You miss what he was but he is not that man anymore. He is going through a midlife crisis and in doing so has really screwed up.
Also, he had absolutely NO right to go into your e-mail and send those other men e-mails. HE is the one who screwed up so HE is the one who needs to live with his mistakes.
I feel that you should distance yourself from him and seek counseling because after the ordeal you have been through, you probably need to work on you. Not that anything is wrong with you but sometimes counseling can help you work through these issues. Do you have female friends? If you don't have any in your area, make some. Go out and have girl time. I just think you need to decompress from this marriage; personally, when I have gotten out of serious relationships and have had time to decompress, this is the time that I learn something about myself. Perhaps you can do the same.
Girl, don't let this man get you down. Every day that you are depressed and bogged down by this issue is another day that he still controls you.
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