A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm so confused. I am 18 years old and about 2 months ago started a relationship with a guy. We met through university. Anyway, he is my first real bf, my first kiss etc. Hes had 2 girlfriends before me and I assume hes had sex with them, but I don't know for sure, I'm just guessing as he seems pretty experienced (we havent had sex though). Anyway a couple of weeks ago while we were at his house making out, he asked if he could take off my pants and I said no and removed his hand from my zipper. Although when I said it was kind of laughing at the same time, which probably led to him not taking me seriously as he continued to try and un do my pants. He told me I was a tease, turning him on like that and not leting him take off my pants, although he said it in a joking way. I got really frustrated and angry but didnt want to show my anger because I didnt want to cause any conflict so I reamined calm but wasnt firm with saying no.Eventualy he gave in and stoped harrasing me about it. The next night I went over his place he tried to undo my pants again, I said no once and he respected that.The next time I went over things were different. He kept harrasing me to take them off and when I said no he would pout like a little kid and joke around and say "aww you're no fun". Although he was only joking, I still think there was a hint of harrasment in it. Eventualy I gave in ebcause it was exstremly hot in his room and wearing my jeans and yeah I guess i kind of felt bad and in a way i wanted to take my pants off as well. We didnt have sex but I still feel sooo angry at him for doing what he did- pressuring me into something I said no to. After he pressured me to take my pants off, the next night he wanteed me to take off my panties too and I gave in to that as well, but we stil ldidnt have sex. And then later I wanted to put them back on but he hid them from me and thought it was sooo funny. After a bit of pestering he gave them back and made jokes again about how I wasnt fun and how I was spoiling everything. He then continued to pout and pretend to be 'not talk to me' by turning his body away from me. At that point I had had enough of that and just laid on his bed in silence and facing away from him. He then was like 'aww r u angry at me' and i said no...he could suss something was up with me but he couldnt guess that it was his pressuring making me feel like crap and accusing me of being no fun and being a tease. Despite all this, it may make my bf seem like a total loser, but in most other aspects of our relationship hes sooooo good. What do I do? Even if i do become more firm and say no and he listens, i still feel angry at him for doing what he did. its like he didnt care as to what i wanted.
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female
reader, LittleTwoLegs  +, writes (16 April 2007):
 Sounds like you guys are not at all on the same wavelength. Does he know about your sex history, or lack thereof? I suspect he doesn't realize just how big of a deal this is for you, so when you get the chance to be alone, but not exactly in a place to get frisky, talk to him about it. Tell him. Also--why do you not already know if he is or isn't a virgin? This information should have been conquered before you even decided to move into a relationship, so I wouldn't be surprised if the real root of this is just lack of trust and sense of safety with with your boyfriend since you're only making estimated guesses and don't feel comfortable enough with him to ask questions. Perhaps you're just not ready for that sort of commitment yet...nonetheless you should definitely discuss this stuff because it's obviously an issue that isn't going to go away unless you conquer it together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2007): I would not care how gooood he is outside of this. He is not interested in you for anything else but to have sex with. You are a challenge and he is getting what he wants by manipulating you to give in.
Unless all you are after here is losing your virginity to him just for the heck of it, I would tell him to get the heck outta here!
He doesn't care what you want and this is very disrespectful on his part.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (15 April 2007):
 Sounds like to me he is a bit immature when it comes to him getting his own way. He needs to learn that what he wants, is'nt exactly what you want. Your expectations are different.
You should'nt of given in to him as this has probably made things worse the next time you say no. he needs to learn that when you say no, you mean no. You also need to stand your ground as well. If he loves you he wont put you in that situation in the first place, and use emotional blackmail to make you feel like you have done something wrong when you have'nt.
You need to be strong about this, your ready when you are ready no sooner. That is your right, not his. If he dont like it and cant wait then he is'nt the bloke for you.
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