A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So I have been married a little over two years, he knew while we were dating that I did not like to cook and also lacked the gene for cooking. When I do try to cook for him, he is brutally honest and also criticizes me on what I could of done better. He expects to have a cooked meal when he gets home from work like his mom used to do for him. We have a beautiful daughter and if it wasn't for her we would if never gotten married. We both work full time and taking care of a two year old is quite tiring. He never apologizes when he complains about my meals that I try to prepare. When he sees that I start to cry he tells me that I am weak and how my family walks all over me. I always wanted to be married and I started late since I got pregnant at 42. I had so many friends go through marriage and divorce so I was just happy being able to have a family and be married. I tell myself that he will change and he always says that I need to change. I am feeling so insecure and who would want someone like me at my age? He won't try counseling because he did it with his first wife. I feel like he loves our daughter more than me. I am always trying to please him so he won't get upset
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 July 2017):
 You both work full time therefore you both should share the house chores. So if you cook he cleans ect. Am not sure what routine you both have at the moment but if you do not like cooking then you both should take week about. Its unfair for you to do it all the time. He needs to learn to look after himself. You are his wife, his equal, not a kitchen maid! You both need to talk about this before it eats away at you.
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (11 July 2017):
I'm sorry but I wholly disagree with the idea that you should learn to cook because he demands it! No chance!! If you both work full time then you should share the household duties, and since you hate cooking and he seems to be a wannabe masterchef, then he's the one that should take on the cooking in my view.
No offence to the other posters but I hate all this 'men are simple' or 'men are easily pleased' nonsense, when often what is meant is 'if you just give him what he wants he won't pout, nag or belittle you'. Well guess what? Women are simple too. All you are asking for is basic kindness and respect and for your husband to accept you as you are/to not try to change you. He knew who you were when you married, that should be more than enough for him and never let anyone try to convince you otherwise.
Honestly, I think you need to stand your ground here. I'd be outraged if my boyfriend treated anyone lthst way, least of all the person he's supposed to love most in the world. He's belittling you because you're letting him get away with it - it's high time you changed that and if he doesn't stop it I'd seriously consider leaving him. What sort of a life can you look forward to with a hyper-critical man who treats you like crap, makes you cry then blames you for being weak because his behaviour upsets you?
PS - my Mum isn't the best cook and my Dad has teased her about it for the full 34 years they have been together, but not once has he ever made her feel bad about it. He just does more of the cooking and she does other chores like the cleaning and ironing (which my Dad is useless at). They're a team which is how it should be.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (10 July 2017):
 No doubt you’ve heard of the saying; a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach? It’s one good trick in the book if you want to please and listen to your man? This issue is not divorce worthy! I can’t see how difficult a roast and veggies in the oven, or making a 10 minute stir-fry would be? Is he asking for home-made Pasta, Bread out of the oven, and Ice-cream from the churner?
Men are not that complicated, I think he may want his family at the table, too look forward to a lovingly prepared meal by his caring wife at the end of the day – simple? Food is caring, sharing, being a family and making time for each other in our household. Equally you need to get it across to him, stand up for yourself about what it is you want him to do and stop doing. Tis a pity more men don’t think to cook once in awhile to save their marriages or suggest a restaurant occasionally.
Now I don’t know what you expect Counselling is going to resolve... After they first listen to you both squabble, he said, she said. They’re going to suggest how you both can please and help each other achieve harmony.
If you go in saying you don't have the cooking gene, both work FT and have a 2yo; that won’t excuse you or anyone (including hubby) from learning to cook quick simple nutritious meals for the family! Yet you want to be the exception; I told you so when dating, and have a dig at his Mom, because she did it for him. SHE is like women across the world that has enough good sense to (learn in the beginning to) cook for their loved ones, without making a drama of it.
The Counselor would also tell him he needs to shut his big mouth on criticizing you and get in there too help you. If he has anything to say about the cooking, let it be polite recommendations to better your cooking skills. Goodness knows I've taken my share of criticism and offered my man a can-opener if he kept it up for no reason.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (10 July 2017):
 I think you should tell him to accept you for the person he married or you will seek a divorce. At the same time you could take a few cookery lessons. And there are cook books that are nearly infallible, Delia's for one.
There is no cookery gene. Anyone who care about food can do it.
I would say it is a bit old-fashioned of your husband to expect dinner on the table when he comes home. However if you are the home-maker and he is the sole breadwinner then it could be argued that it is part of your share of the duties to shop and provide a cooked meal at dinnertime.
If you are working too then you share the kitchen tasks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): I should hope he loves his daughter more!!! But às for no one else wanting you is ridiculous don't put yourself down....end it do you want to live like this forever. ..why carnt he cook for you ??? Your his wife not his slave
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