A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner just short of four years and I can confidently say he was the love of my life. I say was because now he is suffering with depression and will not seek help. He got diagnosed with this in 2013 and stopped taking tablets about a year and a half ago. The person I loved and adored is gone and not coming back any time soon. He has become secretive, selfish and so angry and it has affected us to the point where we don't really have a relationship anymore. We don't do normal couple things, he stays at work late to 'get space' and what makes it even better is that he has a child with an ex girlfriend who controls every move he makes by using her as a weapon.. He spends more time with his ex than me and likes to tease me about it as this new depressed person. It sounds horrible to say but I don't think I am in love with this person, I fell in love with a man who is no longer here. His uncontrollable anger is starting to make me feel uncomfortable.I look after him, take him and pick him up from work during unsociable hours, tidy the house, buy him gifts to cheer him up and nothing has worked. I have tried to get him to take natural remedies and change his diet and lifestyle to boost positivity but he is too far in to his depression. I cry every day, I am sad everyday as the arguements and the words he says in anger stick with me all day. I am struggling to stay and look after this man I once cherished and wanted to have babies and grow old with. Do I stay and ruin myself some more in the hope he will get better or do I leave him to deal with it on his own? I haven't got a bad bone in my body and the thought of leaving him makes me feel physically sick but I just cannot take this anymore. I need advice please??
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at work, depressed, ex girlfriend, fell in love, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 July 2017):
 Time to put yourself first. He needs help and its not from you, he needs professional help and if he won't seek it for himself then you have no choice but to protect yourself and leave. Why stay and be unhappy. Off course its a tough decision to make and off course you will be upset and heartbroken. But this is not your fault and you need to look after your own mental health.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 July 2017):
 You have tried for 4 years to help him, now it's time to put yourself first.
You are MISERABLE. What IS typical is people who are miserable (be they depressed or just unhappy) they tend to drag others down with them and THAT is what he is doing (though probably not intentional) The saying misery loves company? It rings true.
Time for you to ACCEPT that he isn't GOING to change anytime soon. Not for you, not for himself.
It's NOT your job to "fix" him. And it's NOT your job to be as miserable as him in order to stay.
Extract yourself from him. If you live together either move out or KICK him out. Then make sure ALL passwords are changed, his number blocked (or even better, get a new number) and WORK on finding YOU. What makes YOU happy. Take a GOOD while getting back to WHO you are and WHAT you want in life and make sure you are OVER this guy before dating again.
You can do it. And no, you don't DESERVE to be miserable so HE has someone to abuse.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): Sweetheart, you don't have to seek permission or ask for advice for the obvious. He's not taking care of himself and his life is disorganized. He spends more time with his ex, and refuses to manage his mental-health.
You've given too many valid reasons to leave. Why would you stay? Are you waiting until he destroys your health as well?
I guess you're waiting for the last straw; but that time has come and went, if you ask me.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (10 July 2017):
 He has absolutely no incentive to get help while you stick by him and run around after him. For the good of BOTH of you, you need to leave and stay away.
If he gets help and gets better, you may have a chance of making the relationship work. I would urge you not to pin your hopes on this though. It could take years. It may NEVER happen. Do not put your life on hold while you wait for him.
You met him when you were very young. You are still very young, with your whole life ahead of you. Don't let him ruin any more of it than he has done already. You do not owe him your happiness.
Good luck. Hugs.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 July 2017):
 Yes, leave immediately.
You can't help someone that won't help their self. You are not his carer, you are supposed to be his GF and you don't feel like that anymore.
You have tried your best but it is not up to you to sort his life out, that is for him to do on his own accord. DO NOT feel guilty about this, you need to think of your own wellbeing also and crying every day over this is not healthy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2017): Leave him .... if he was getting help I would say stay but he's not interested in helping himself so leave go be happy
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A
male
reader, froglegs  +, writes (10 July 2017):
Do I stay and ruin myself, I think you have awnsered this yourself, you only get one chance to live your life time start to live the rest of your life,
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