A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:OK, I don't know what I'm asking here, maybe hope from people in / or were in similar situations.Basically, long story short, I'm the gateway girl for guys to find true love/marriage/happily ever afters.I'v never had a relationship last longer than 3 years and I'm now 30.I'v either been cheated on numerous times, put down and constant arguments where I figured the guy just started arguments as a way to say they want out. Yet every single guy, has then moved on to "the one" within , I'd say, at least a year.Some I'm very happy for, some I felt didn't deserve it. But I am always, ALWAYS, the one left in tears at the very end. I became afraid to entertain new prospects for fear that it would keep happening.threw myself into work mode to block it out.But even then, not blowing smoke up my ass, but im not totally unfortunate looks wise and i have a great personality so I'm never without attention even though it's usually unwanted.more so now.I'm a firm believer in fate/destiny/soul mates etc and spirituality but even this can't help me.I get no clarity from any of this, it just hurts every time.And yet again I'm in a position no different.Lovely guy great connection, yes there's distance which poses an issue, and no hope of taking it further.We spoke and i accept it.Now I must sit back and watch him find the "one" and get his happily ever after.When am I going to catch a break? Sorry guys but I'm at my wits end.this really is never ending.Anyone else got this issue aswell? Any insight?Thanks in advance
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2017): Very simply put, guys realize what they want once they get a taste of what they don't want...
Translation: You're not being picky enough.
I like the first answer here... It's time to take a 6 month (or 1 year) break from dating and do some serious self-reflection. Make or enhance strong friendships. Decide what your must-haves are (counted on 1 hand). Learn what are your best qualities in a relationship. Being patient is an important trait to have, but learning to get out (of a stalled relationship) sooner will allow you to stay in the right one longer.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2017): I disagree with the answer suggesting you somehow change who you are to attract the men looking for wife-material types! You should feel comfortable being yourself around a guy and any potential long term partner should be someone you can be at ease with. Whether you decide to be dressed up or not, whatever you job and ambitions you should always be true to yourself. I just feel trying to change who you are to attract a partner only sets the relationship up for failure because you've attracted them by being someone else, and then have to always be this false version of yourself in the relationship. Much easier to just be yourself from the outset, and if someone doesn't like that then they're not right for you. Just like you shouldn't settle for someone who isn't right for you, whether it's their views or opinions or maybe just a lack of chemistry.
If a man has the mentality to see some women as the woman who is only good for a bit of fun, then he wouldn't be a man I'd want to spend any time around let alone entertain the idea to date and have a relationship.
Don't despair, it's better to be single than forcing a relationship with someone that's not right and there isn't a rush. The moment you're putting pressure on yourself to find Mr Right then you can end up wasting time on someone who is Mr Wrong.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 It's typical. Just look at the girls they end up with. Are they by chance chubby and short/less attractive than you? It's typical, you see. Guys want to date and have fun with the model-type woman, who he can show off and brag about to friends. But he wants to settle with a wifey/mommy-looking woman who he thinks will be a good mom for his kids or who will cater to his needs as a wife and who other guys wont try to steal away from him.
No offense to all married women, of course. I just know that out of all the people I know who got married, they are all short and chubby. The ones who work-out, look amazing, dress up and have great careers etc, they are still single or just dating.
So my "wild" guess is that the majority of men is threaten by this. They want a woman who they feel relaxed around, and not a woman who they feel is high maintenance, or who they feel like they have to compete with for attention or success.
The clue here is that the majority might be like this, but there is a good bunch of guys who will not be intimidated by a strong and sexy woman with a great personality.
I haven't run a study on it, but I somehow always found it easier to attract men who were interested in long term relationships, when I held down a less important job or worked part-time.
It's also 100% true that when I dress up and look my best, makeup, nice dress, high heels etc, I don't get a single guy to talk to me. But when I hang out without make-up, or just a t-shirt and jeans, I get way more attention.
So my wild guess here, is that you aren't a gateway-girl. You just simply do not look like, or act like, wife-material. So guys don't approach you if they are looking for a wife, they approach you when they are looking for someone to have fun with, temporarily.
I found dating sites to be very helpful. There I can say from the beginning what type of relationship Im looking for, and have an open conversation about thoughts of future marriage and kids, without it being awkward. You can even write it in your "about me" section, and it will weed out most of those just looking for fun. I also used only (or almost only) pictures of me with no make-up on or very little make-up, and in ordinary clothes and not dressed up.
And guess what, this was actually one of the reasons why my current boyfriend (who btw wants kids and marriage) contacted me. He said he saw that I was one of few women without so much make-up on, and that attracted him to me. He didn't want a Barbie-doll or someone who wanted a party, because he's ready to settle.
So, my tip to you is to look like a wife and a mother, and then you will find someone who wants to be a husband and a father. If you look like a super model or party girl, then you will attract players and party guys.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 Well, with some of these guys it sounds like you DID get your lucky break - by getting away from them! Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to stay. I believe we meet many people as lessons in what we should NOT settle for. These guys were never meant to be stayers. They were meant to be someone else's long term problem.
Sweetheart, you are only 30. Like many others, you have had long term relationships which have just not worked out. I hope you didn't waste too much time on the ones who abused you in some way. If you feel someone is starting arguments as a way of ending a relationship, then give them what they want - rapidly. Life is too short to waste on people who do not want to be with you.
I think you are doing the right thing in taking a bit of a break from dating and not rushing straight into another relationship. Maybe now is the time to properly assess where your previous relationships went wrong. Be brutally honest and admit where YOU were at fault for picking/staying with the wrong guys. Be equally honest where it was YOUR fault the relationship didn't work out. You need to decide what you want from a potential partner and also what you DON'T want.
Then be picky. You know you can afford to be choosy. If there is a deal-breaker in the relationship before it even starts (like distance), why put yourself through the heartache? Just walk away.
One day someone will come along and make you realize why the others did not work out. Hang in there. You don't know who is round the corner.
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