A
female
age
30-35,
*ubbadubchub
writes:Hi! I know this isn't spesific to relationships, but I need advice and I don't know where else to go.I'm 19, and I joined a mature learning college (over nineteens only), I'm the youngest person on the course, and it's made me really upset.All these people have had such amazing lives, they've went camping, done stupid things when drunk etc, stuff that I've never ever done. I've had no teenage life, I've not drunk underage, when people were drinking, I was studying and trying really hard. It seems as though people that have done nothing worthy in their lives are at the same stage as me, who has missed out on all the fun things, and worked hard.Even now. I'm studying, while the 40 year olds are having affairs with young people in the college, and engaged women are sleeping with anything that will look at them.It's like I'm the only mature person and I feel like I've never had proper fun in my life, and I'm nearly 20, my life is over. I can't do all the fun teenage things that I've missed out on anymore. Why have I ruined my life? It's like everyone else, no matter what age, is having fun, sleeping around, drinking, laughing, and I'm trying really hard to get somewhere, and it's not happening. :(It's just not in me to sleep around, be horrible to people etc, and it's ruining my life. I wish I could be normal.
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (23 December 2012):
As stated you are 20. The best times in life happen a little later as most people are broke when they're 20.
This is what you should do: When you have a chance, work your butt off (overtime, etc.) and go on an extended vacation. Take a few months off and go to Guatemala, Nicaragua, Spain, Morocco, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, wherever. Go to a country where you can afford to live well for awhile.
I've done it a few times and let me tell you, THAT is living. Getting drunk and screwing people is fun for a half an hour. Besides you can do that on vacation!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): I m sorry, but you don't sound very mature to me.
What are you jealous of? Drunken teens, who have casual sex with the same drunken teens. That's a lot of fun.
I ve done it believe me , drinking sleeping with guys, do you think I have one good memory about it, not at all. For a girl especially it can end in pregnancy.
This period is very short ussualy in person's life, noone leads a life like this, and if they do it has not very good consequences.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (21 December 2012):
First of all: you're just 20. You're just starting out in life. The decade in which you'll decide what to make of yourself and come into your own has just barely begun.
Secondly, think about what you're saying: if you honestly believed getting drunk on a regular basis and making stupid mistakes that hurt people in the process and being at constant risk of getting some icky STD is fun, you'd have done it already. Those people with their 'great' stories only tell the ones that don't leave a bad taste in their mouth. It's like considering Facebook an accurate and complete depiction of someone's life: people only put the good things on there.
Lastly, not following the herd doesn't make you boring or someone who wasted her life. If any, it means you choose your own path instead of letting someone else push you around. Being ambitious and disciplined are VERY good qualities to have, qualities that many of these 'rock stars' are lacking.
Also, seriously? " I'm studying, while the 40 year olds are having affairs with young people in the college, and engaged women are sleeping with anything that will look at them." Taking advantage of someone 20 years my junior or betraying the person I pledged love and loyalty to sounds really appealing. I'm sure my kids will look up to me when I do that. Hell, if that were my future I'd consider myself lucky the mirror doesn't shatter in my face in the morning.
Also, even though it's sexist, sleeping around a lot as a girl doesn't make you cool; it makes you a slut. Guys may be eager to bang a 20 y/o who'll give it away for free but they don't want to keep her and marry her when she's 28 and wrecked by basically every guy in the country.
I work parttime as a bartender in a pretty big club, and I see on a weekly basis what alcohol does to people. They puke, they fall asleep without knowing how they got there, they lash out to people for no good reason and go home with some guy or some chick they won't know the name of next morning. And to top it all off they are useless the next day. What fun that is...
Look, if you feel you're missing out, try to find out what exactly it is you seek. Trust me, this whole 'cool' lifestyle won't fill the void. It'll just make you feel even more miserable. If you seek company, just meet up with friends more often or seek out a new hobby. Try to calculate how much time you can spare without making your grades suffer and go out and do something that you like. This can be anything from visiting a city you've never been to, going to a play, reading new books, participating in a new sport, going paragliding while it scares you, etc. Fun and laughs don't require alcohol and foul behavior. If any, they require less of that.
If you want to take more risks, take the risks that may actually pay off, like striking up conversation with strangers, doing new things, visiting new places and doing something for others. Getting shitfaced in a no-name bar somewhere is just going to make you end up feeling like a truck ran you over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012): How is sleeping around and getting drunk having a life? You sound like a decent human being!I think I understand what you mean. I've never gotten drunk or slept around because it's just not in me to do that. It is harder to meet people and socialise when you don't drink because most people our age do.I know that sometimes it can feel like you're missing out on the "fun" but really what are you actually missing out on? Those people that are sleeping around probably aren't very happy people. More than likely they have low self esteem or boring lives so they feel like they have to sleep around and get drunk just to enjoy themselves. Don't you think that's a bit sad?"Even now. I'm studying, while the 40 year olds are having affairs with young people in the college, and engaged women are sleeping with anything that will look at them."Are those the type of people you want to associate with? People with no morals who cheat and sleep around and who probably have STDs or will end up pregnant?You're not ruining your life. The only people that are ruining their lives are the ones who are sleeping around and getting drunk all the time. Your life is NOT over. You're 20 years old not 90! You have your whole life to live. Instead of worrying so much about what other people are doing you need to be concentrating on what makes you happy.
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