A
female
age
30-35,
*ilish
writes:Hey. Thank you for all you people who are taking your time to help me, I really do need answers. I'm 17 in a couple of days and tbh I'm quite confused. I've been with my boyfriend for ages (8 months) but he's still not allowed in my bedroom. Even if he's nipping up to get dressed my parents flip?! I don't understand. My older sister wasn't allowed a boy in her room until she was 21 either. Whenever I ask my Mum and Dad why, they always reply 'because we don't have boys in the upstairs rooms.' Why is this?Also, my Mum always referrs to me and my twin sister as 'kids' still. I feel really embarrassed because were almost 17, starting driving soon, and were not 'kids'. I always say to her 'were not kids, were young ladies now' but she always responds with 'you are kids.' I don't understand? I get so embarrassed when she refferrs to me as that.I really do love them but I just wish they would give me independence and let go a little. I will always be their girl but I'm not a little kid anymore.Please help? Are they too over protective? Or am I just complaining about nothing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Eilish +, writes (1 March 2011):
Eilish is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ahhhh yes I understand now. Thats a good answer, thankyou :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): I'm just telling you why they're strict. I didn't meant to imply you'd be having full on sex every time.
But are you seriously telling me that you wouldn't fool around? Never? You wouldn't even kiss? Or fondle? or dry hump? If not then why the need for privacy? You can go to the dining room or study or even the kitchen if you just want to talk in private.
It's spring soon you can even go down to the park or just hang around your area in the sunshine and talk if that's all you want to do. You see the logic? To some people including your parents the bedroom is a place of intimacy when with your partner. They don't want you getting too intimate in their house, they have a problem with that.
You see I don't believe for one second that you'd only go to your bedroom and talk every single time, and never kiss or do anything else like that. Firstly where in your bedroom is there to sit but the floor and the bed? So even the thought of you lying there on your bed kissing him is not something they're comfortable with. The idea of him there holding you and feeling you up is not something they want in their house.
OP they're not being protective, you don't get this. If they were over protective they'd chaperone you all the time and never let you have a boyfriend. It's not about protection it's about comfort and they're not comfortable with the idea of their daughter upstairs being intimate with a guy. Now no matter what you say you only want privacy so you can be intimate and there's nothing wrong with that, they don't even have a problem with that. They just don't want you doing that in their house.
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A
female
reader, Eilish +, writes (1 March 2011):
Eilish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWho says I want to have sex with my boyfriend? I want him in my room to have privacy because when were in the downstairs room people always come and sit with us and we don't get time alone. I don't go round to my boyfriend's house because I don't get along with his mum. Sorry, should have included that really, but it's nothing to do with sex.
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A
male
reader, Problem.helper  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 They are doing this because they love you. My parents didn't give s*** about me so I could of done anything I wanted to. I would definitely chose your situation over mine.
They just want to protect you. Boy with girl alone in the room=trouble. It's their house their rules.
Why do you want boy in your room? Make out ? Have sex? Just be alone? Well then if you really want it do it in his house.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): I'm going to disagree with the other comments left on here. I personally think they are being too over protective. Cerberus' idea that you would definitely be having sex is rediculous and seems based on the stereotype of teenagers. I don't know about you, but the idea of having sex with family in the house is a bit wrong to me anyway.I'm 19, my two best friends are both girls, and the idea that they wouldn't be allowed in my room is unbelievable. I would find it very frustrating too, but also you need to consider where your parents are coming from. To them you and your sister are still their little girls and they want to protect you, and that's what you need to talk to them about. If you act like an adult, and talk properly to them about it, they are going to see that your being mature about the situation, and therefore more of an adult. You should try explaining that just because your both in your room, it doesn't mean anything's happening.I agree with caring guy that it is their house and their rules, but you need to explain that these rules are far too restrictive. Tell them that they still see you as a kid when in reality your a young adult. But don't let it end in an argument.Without being too judgemental I would say that the other two comments come from people older than us which gives a useful view point. But, out of all my friends etc etc I don't know anyone that isn't allowed a boy / girl in their bedroom, which I think proves that your parents are being quite strict.I hope that helps you :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011): You're complaining about nothing. If you want independence then move out because (I know you've heard this millions of times) but it's their house, therefore what they want goes.
How would you feel if you were downstairs watching tv and your parents turned around and said they're going upstairs to fool around and have sex. Which is basically what would happen if you went upstairs with your boyfriend, don't lie and say you wouldn't fool around of course you would. Not a nice thought is it? The smell of your parents sex as you pass the room, the awkwardness as you pass the room, really hoping that you don't hear any of the sounds, hoping you don't get the really strong smell of your parents sex juices as you pass the room. Not a nice thought is it? Well that's what you're asking of your parents, you're asking them to be okay with you and your boyfriend going upstairs and fooling around.
Eilish your parents feel the exact same way about the thought that you're upstairs fooling around as you would if you knew they were doing it right at this moment. They're not over protective, they know you have a boyfriend and fool around with him when you get the chance they just don't want you doing it while they're around, they don't want to know that or have to face that. You just have to do what we all do and find other places to go until you get your own place. Or find times when they're not at home to sneak in and mess around. They obviously don't mind you having your freedom or they wouldn't let you have a boyfriend they just don't want to have it thrown in their face by doing it in their house. Perfectly reasonable.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 February 2011):
Kid = child.
Child - someone under 18.
Sorry, but technical you are still a 'kid'. So you're really complaining about nothing there.
As for not having your boyfriend in your room, technically it is there house, and they are allowed to set the rules. They most likely don't want you having sex in the house until they feel more comfortable and can deal with it.
Sorry, but you're being a bit of a typical teenager and complaining about nothing. They do at least have your boyfriend in the house (better than some), and they are allowed to set the rules in their house. I don't think they're being overprotective at all. They're not even close to overprotective. You should give them a break, or if you feel that strongly, move out.
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