A
female
age
30-35,
*aniellea
writes:I am 21 years old and have been with my 38 year old boyfriend for over a year...we live together and get on sooooo well. He never upsets me, treats me like a princess and I love him to bits. The problem is, I would like to have children in the future, not now, but one day. He has told me that he has thought about us having kids but he doesn’t think he wants them. I don’t want to leave him, but I feel like what’s the point of staying together when we both know that in the end it won’t work because he doesn’t want a family. I’m so lost and upset. He means everything to me but what can I do???? Help xx Advice much needed. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, daniellea +, writes (1 March 2011):
daniellea is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx guys for you advice...i think that this bump has made us both realise that we cant be without eachother..and so we have decided to live for the 'now'...what will be will be but for now i am happily inlove with a beautiful man.....you never know whats going to happen in the future and you cant let that shaddow your present
peace and love
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Daniellea,
You love him to bits, you get on Soooo well, he means everything to you, BUT, you don't think it will work. It seems that you have been thinking this through pretty well.
At 21 you are probably thinking marriage at 25 children from 26 to 32. Now this is where he is having trouble. It has to do with the math. to him those ages work out to marriage at 42 children from 43 to 49. And, here is the sticky bit. children leaving the nest. You will be 44-50 but he will be 61-67. He doesn't want to be retired and have kids in high school.
I think that you should make him a better offer before you break up the relationship. You could shave 4 years off the equation by agreeing to get married this year. At least talk it all out before you decide to break up. You need to make sure that he understands that the one thing that is more important to you than him is having a family.
FA
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 February 2011):
If you want kids and he doesn't, then you're already fighting a losing battle. It'll only be a matter of time before you resent him for it, or get pregnant accidentally and find him walking out.
If he doesn't want kids, then you need to move on.
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A
female
reader, peace143 +, writes (28 February 2011):
its hard.... but dating is to find that one that will work for you. the age has a little gap, but wanting children is a big part of life.... i never wanted kids ( i have 3 under 5years)and it taught me a lot about what life is about. it is what lives about.... for you to feel this way means you came the end. there not much left for you except heartbreak. sooner the better. you are young, have lots of fun first, be safe.... then later kids... be true to yourself
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 February 2011):
 Sorry but, unless he changes his mind about having kids, this is a deal buster. If you stay in this relationship I'm afraid you'll grow to resent him for denying you children. This is a common problem with age gaps as large as yours. Have a nice sit-down discussion about family plans, and if he will not budge, then you'll have to make a big decision.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (28 February 2011):
 You have a lot of experiences still to be made and he's in the "been there done that" phase, this is why age differences over 10 years can be really tough. Seems like not agreeing on kids is a huge deal breaker for you! Honestly, you have to be true to yourself, because if you don't you may resent him in the future. It's unfair for you to sacrifice your needs and it's unfair to blame him if you do. Good luck with your decision, but you have to make the best one for your future. Guilt is not a good seed to plant in a relationship.
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