A
female
age
36-40,
*imi864
writes:I've read your answers they were useful for me thank you so much people but I'm still confused. I just feel like a small girl who needs some one to hold her hands in order to know her way. I've asked him what made you remeber me now after a year and half he answered me in an honest way he said that he won't deny that I was in his mind only not in his heart but when he woke up he realized that there was a girl doing him what he wants just to make him happy without asking for anything in return, he said that he was a peice of shit with me and he'll do anything just to come back again.By the way from 15/2 till now he kept sending sms and tries to call doing anything to see me, he also one day insisted to come and see me in my training hospital, I was astonished in all this caring, more than time he asked me to forgive him and I swear by GOD that since we left each other I forgave him. I'm not used to hating people or refusing to forgive them even if they hurt me this is not what my parents teach me but just I can't forget that my heart is broken and my pride is hurt. I don't know maybe I'm afraid to trust him or trust anyone at least in this period maybe I'm afraid to let any one come into my life. All I know now is that I'm afraid to lose this chance, maybe he really changed and could let me love him and maybe not. I've told him I don't want to hurt you but he insisted and chose to be beside me even if I told him I can't love you... I'm really confused I'm waiting for ur reply.(Note from Mod: personal email addresses are NOT allowed to be given out.)
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 People can change. I'm sure you've hear the opposite. It is true that most attempt are unsuccessful, but there is reason behind that. Their intentions are not strong enough to be a foundation of creating life long change. There is only one foundation that is, changing for thy self.
If he changed, all though you would benefit from it, isn't it still about him and improving his way of being.
Too often people say I'll change for you. But it doesn't work. The're lacking the need within themselves to be different. Now all though change is personal, it's not saying a desire to make things work in relaitonships can't be a motivational factor. If he lost you and found out how ignorant he was, that can motivate personal change that will then benefit the relationship as a whole.
You forgave him, but let me ask you this, have you forgiven yourself? Forgive yourself for allowing behaviors of another affect you in a way that you're trust is damaged, and your heart has hardened more than it was prior too. God says forgiveness is divine. I believe that is related to self forgiveness too. I've seen people completely forgive themselves and the pain others caused washes away.
Always remember when someone treats you bad, you always deserve to be treated well and with respect. if you do give him a chance let him know that any reason given for you to distrust him after doing this, will immediately end the relationship and without a possability of a third time.
Take care.
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