A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy in a meeting room during a business trip. We exchanged namecards as usual for contacts. he send an email about an enquiry i made, i did'nt reply as i know it before he emails me. Then, he send a text message regarding the same info. which i replied and then we agreed for dinner the next day.(Business Dinner) Had good time during dinner in a romantic restaurant by the beach. I was impressed. I invited him to my room for drinks afterwhich as all shops are closed. We ended having sex.(Can't deny that i was attracted to him)We continued our conversations through text and only see each other during business trips when either of us is around. We both want each other sexually most of the time. Naughty text and naughty sex. We are both attached with our own partners!!! Been 5 months now and we are still doing the same things. I began to fall for him strangely. I am worried that he has the idea of me doing this to other guy always during my other trips. (he did asked me once when he knew i was in town and refuse to make time to see him)I do want him sincerely but im afraid he wants me for SEX PURELY.He is 15 Yrs older than me. (I was attracted to older man apparently)How do i tell him that i want him for just being himself and not for anything else? I do apprecite sexy and naughty sex with him. I know he has a gf, so am i. But, i am happier with him than with my bf (My relationship is in a mess way before i met him).HELP!
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affair, older man, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 You are welcome!.When you have reached a certain stage in an affair,it becomes meaningless unless you accompanied it with love.
Only love can glue the relationship together.If there is no love,the water will run into the dead sea and disappear after a period of time.
All the best to you !
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi laura1318,
Yes i agree asians usually goes for just a strict affair. I do want this man here. And not only for affairs as i hate to deal with the situation. Thanks for your advise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont tolerate nonsense q1605. thanks.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 April 2010):
In Asian societies, if a pretty and professional woman is willing to have an affair with a man , it is a no string attached sex only .
Both are happy and enjoy spending time together and having sex of their life and after it is over, they go back to their own worlds.
Since he is not married,there is a strong possibility that both of you may ditched your b/f or g/f and pair up with each other.
You can test him by denying him sex and see how he reacts.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): Dump your BF because you clearly don't love him (maybe he feels the same if the relationship is a mess), and why waste your life or his?
Also, your title answered the question. An affair is only about sex, thats the point! If you want a relationship with the older man, you must tell him so. Cut off the affir until he leaves his GF so he knows you're serious. If he won't do it, than he never wanted anything more than sex from you. Understandably because that was the base of your affair.
Affairs are always a bad idea. All the sorrow stories in the world don't change that these are cheating, and anything centered around cheating is headed for disaster.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Forget about your current BF. This has nothing to do with this situation. TRUST YOUR GUT! If you think this older guy wants you for SEX PURELY than that's most likely the case. The question that begs to be asked here is this - Why are you allowing yourself to be used in this manner? Another question for you is this - why are you with your current BG if your "relationship is in a mess way before I met" current sex buddy? These are the questions you should be really asking - not - "How do I tell him that I want him for just being himself and not anything else? Who cares about him! This is about YOU.
You can private post to my mailbox on this site if you wish. Just click on my name to get to it. Let me know what's going on. Ok?
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A
female
reader, sannafae +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Dear,
It sounds as if you are falling for this man. Unfortunately, this affair started on the grounds of sex and from a man's point of view, it will be just that. Women and Men have different views with regards to sex and relationships. I suggest you review your intentions for being with him and also the consequence and consideration for your own feelings when this business trip is over and he returns to his partner.
You could also ask him out right at the right time in a neutral manner where he sees this affair heading and the both of you can come to a mutual agreement be it a fling or something more.
Best Wishes,
Sanna Fae
Certified Metaphysician/Spiritual & Relationship Counselor
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