A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I suffered a miscarriage in January (we hadn't been trying, but it was still devastating) and I was under the impression we would start trying again in February. Well, my husband told me he wasn't ready even though prior to actually stating that, he had been sending mixed signals. Of course, I was devastated by this since I thought we would start trying again right away. Anyway, on my birthday (in March) he asks me some deep questions about wanting to have a baby with him and based on my answers, he tells me he is ready. So from then until just last night, we've been actively trying...but the sex has been impersonal. I finally said something about it, and he says it's because I pressured him! I was shocked. He said somehow I got it into my head that he wanted to start trying now and I've been pressuring him. I was so hurt, angry and shocked that I went and slept in the other room. Then he tells me today that I shouldn't be angry with him bc I did pressure him and I can't deny it. But I am SO angry! I can't believe he would lead me to believe we are on the same page, and then not only back out, but imply that I invented his wanting to try! I told him this and he was like "Yeah, I did say I was ready" so now I am super confused and still majorly upset. I don't know what to do. This is not an issue to play around with, and I hate that I feel like something that should be beautiful and joyous is becoming a battle! Please help...I want a baby so badly and I know it would be dumb to try to have one with him if he isn't ready...what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): I imagine that your husband watched you suffer hugely when you had the first miscarriage. He is probably frightened of something like that happening again. I know I would be. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you, or want to have a child. Maybe it is best to slow down a little.
Good luck
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