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*ris
writes: I am in a relationship with a man who is very possessive and obsesssive over everything. This behavior is affecting my life, my mental stability, and my ability to be a good parent.I just e-mailed my ex to ask for help. If my boyfriend found this out he would kill me. I think I can trust my ex to either help me, or just forget the e-mail like I requested if he didn't want to help.I have no one to turn to, I chose my ex because of the kids and him knowing me the best out of anyone.My question is: Did I do the right thing, or am I asking for big trouble?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): Hi thereIt sounds like you are seeking re-assurance that there is nothing wrong with you, and want confirmation you were not any of things you have been accused of by your current partner! I think this is a good therapy for you- you need as many supporters as possible!Anyway, its none of your partner's business. When you get that reply from your ex you will know that your suspicions are right and please dont blame yourself!!xx
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reader, becky05 +, writes (8 July 2005):
I dont think your ex was the best choice to tell about problems in your new relationship and I think your boyfriend would be very cross if he found out youd told him.however, your boyfriend sounds like a very nasty man and if you had no-one else to turn to, then your ex is better than no-one. Make it clear to your current boyfriend that you are NOT going to stand for his behaviour any longer.if he doesnt get the message leave him. This doesnt sound like a good environment for you or your children to be living in.
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reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (8 July 2005):
Let's get your ex out of the picture for now.
Take a close look at your present relationship.
You say, "he is possessive & obsessive over EVERYTHING"
His behaviour is affecting your life, your mental stability and your ability to be a good parent.
Also, if he found out you talked to your ex he would kill you.
In my opinion...THOSE ISSUES ARE REAL LOUD WARNING BELLS !
Any relationship that threatens your mental well-being or your ability to be a parent...needs to be dealt with Pronto!
Number One...and always Number One...are your children.
You must protect them at all cost...be a Mother Bear !
Number Two...your psychological state must be guarded !
Your present partner is an abusive, control freak, hon !
I sense he probably lives with you...control freaks cannot maintain a separate residence for long...they want to keep tabs on you every hour of the day, so I bet he phones home alot to check up on you, too.
Do you really want to be with a man who constantly freaks out at everything in your life & explodes in anger when he doesn't get his own way?
Abusers follow a pattern...they work at putting you OFF BALANCE...fill you with confusion, doubt & guilt.
It becomes increasingly difficult for you to think straight & make rational decisions...then they step in & take over and you LOSE YOUR IDENTITY AND POWER !
It's time for you to get your power back !
I'll be blunt with what I'm about to tell you.
You need to be a Bitch & tell him to get the hell out of your life and your children's life.
Have a few friends present when you tell him to leave.
I would suggest some MUSCLE be by your side...strong males.
Plan ahead...when he's at work...ask your friends to come over & help you pack up his things & put them in boxes.
Ask someone to take your children for awhile...it is NOT WISE to have them present when you confront your partner.
When he comes in the door...stand up straight & assert yourself verbally...keep a safe distance...make direct eye contact & tell him that YOU DECIDED your relationship with him is over. If he lives there, tell him your friends will help carry his things to his vehicle.
If he does not live there...tell him his friends will ESCORT him to his vehicle.
Change your locks BEFORE the confrontation, but ask for your keys back anyway, so he does not know you changed the locks.
When he returns some evening...and believe me HE WILL...try to open the door with his key, it won't work.
He will yell & pound at the door to be let in...he may even cry & beg for you to open the door...DO NOT DO IT.
Call the police IMMEDIATELY & tell them their is an intruder at your door trying to break in.
They will come right away...in the meantime, phone friends and ask them to come over to your house right away.
I've had experience with these type of possessive, obsessive males and they are DANGEROUS.
The fact that you mentioned "he would Kill me" proves he has violent tendancies, so DO NOT feel sorry for him.
Don't accept any phonecalls or mail from him.
Refuse to let his twisted words into your head or heart.
You may even have to move to another location in the future.
I would also suggest you seek professional counselling & break the cycle you are locked into...learn to be attracted to a different personality type...not abusive.
There are plenty of free support groups for you to attend.
My prayers are with you.
((hugs))
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