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anonymous
writes: Subject: Long Distance RelationshipHi,James, my long term boyfriend, was offered a one year contract job on the other side of the world before we got together, and it would start this October. He accepted but is now unsure about taking it up because it would mean us being in a long distance relationship for a year.He said that after a year, he can transfer and join me again, and because it's a really good job, he needs to take it. But I am really reluctant about having a long distance relationsihp. I've had one before and it was awful. James said when he comes back to Europe (where we both now live) we will get married, and we can visit each other every 3-4 months during our year apart. I know he really loves me and that his dream is to come back, and for us to get married, etc. So that is a big comfort.There is the option of him applying for jobs here in Europe, but he has less chance of getting one he is happy in. Plus, the city where he got the job is his home-city, where his family and friends are, and he misses them. He would rather be with me, but not in a job he is unhappy in. I guess I'm wondering whether I should really push for him to stay here with me, and whether I should be worried if he does choose to accept this job.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (28 March 2005):
 I don't think you need to be concerned about James accepting the job in terms of your relationship as it sounds as if you are very happy together.He accepted the job before you got together and he wants to get married when he returns. I think one year isn't very much compared to the rest of your lives together.I know you had a long distance relationship before but you have to remember that this time you are with a different person and he seems devoted to you as you are to him.Could you possibly go with him? Stay with his family and friends or do you have committments at home?You could also keep in very good contact through phone calls, letters, email,etc.If you did push for him to stay with you, even though he would understand your reasons, he could end up resenting you.You still have until October to think about it. Also to enjoy your time with each other.Still discuss what to do but remember that you do have the rest of your lives together and if it is meant to be, then you will most certainly find a way.I hope this helps and good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2005): My Advise is try to hold on and support your man because if he loves you very much to make these plans then go with it and believe in him. Don't make the mistake in letting him go. Like others have in there relationship.
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reader, hlyberry3 +, writes (28 March 2005):
Hard one. But lets think realistic. What if he stayed and got a different job. You would always know he could have had the better one far away. And what if he is unhappy with the job he finds as the alternative? His unhappiness would be to have made you happy. Doesn't ones own happiness come before your own though? So should'nt you let him go, if you know that is what would make him happy. He has told you he loves you, that he wants to marry you.....so now you need to show him your love by letting him do what he wants and feels he needs. Why can't you move with him for the year? I don't think you should ask or expect him to stay...I hope that doesn't sound mean.
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