A
male
age
30-35,
*nickx
writes:For a 20 year old, I’m not very attached to my phone. Call me old fashioned, but I’d rather talk face to face, enjoy personal contact. And sure, I use email for work and school, and find time to text girlfriends, but as a single guy, I enjoy my freedom a lot. I know my best friends will be waiting for me when I go back to college, and summer is a time to enjoy the people around me at home; family and friends I haven’t seen in months.For conversation’s sake, texting just doesn’t do it for me. Wanna make plans, or relay some specific information? We can text. Wanna talk politics/philosophy/religion/relationships? Text me, and we’ll pick a time where we can meet and talk in person – over dinner, or something, just anything more personal than words on a screen or a voice in my ear.I don’t miss people often. Like I said, even in the case of my best friends, I don’t really miss them. Due to work/family schedules, I wasn’t able to go camping with the rest of the guys like I wanted, but no biggie. I’ll see them in like 7 weeks, and we’ll be back to doing everything we were doing before we broke for summer.But yet, here’s this girl, attractive, sweet, intellectual, and with an intriguing blend of inner confidence and social shyness… We’ve been friends since almost day 1 of college (about 2 years now). We clicked instantly, but I was with my high-school sweetheart at the time, so no dice for anything further. After the break up, oh maybe 8 months ago now, we started to hang out a little more, little by little. We share enough in common (same major; hold office together in a club; and come this fall will be working one of our jobs together), and it’s a small enough campus (Only like 3000 students) that I’m bound to see her almost every day during the school year. That, combined with the fact she has as much love for her phone as I do mine, texting was really rare for us. And now, as I find myself missing her a little, I’m inexplicably terrified of texting her for casual purposes.A few times in the last few days, I’ve had her name up and ready to write a text. Just a “Hey, I was talking to my buddy about my plans for the rest of the summer, and I realized I hadn’t heard from you in a while, and I wanted to see how you were doing!” But when it comes down to it, I can’t pull the trigger. It’s not like I’m afraid because I find her attractive. In real life social situations, my confidence is through the roof, and I’ve always had exactly what I needed to enjoy myself in the friends I made wherever I went. I’m just hardwired for personal contact. I pick up on the slightest vocal inflection, react to body language and use casual touch a lot. Furthermore, I am really elaborate and wordy. In social situations, I thrive off of environmental cues. In text, or in a forum such as this, ahem, I have no way to check myself against launching into a monologue of pages of text.About a month ago, we made plans for me to drive out and see her for a few days late in July with some of her close friends, which will be great. I’ll be back in my comfort zone with her. We’ll be able to delicately and personally work through our feelings and come to a mature, reasonable conclusion. I’m just concerned that in the meantime, my philosophical self will keep pushing my feelings of missing her to something far more serious, even when that’s not necessarily the case. Much as how if my words are left unchecked, they can cascade and turn into something monstrous, so can my feelings. Typically, I’m just honest with people, and let their reactions check my feelings. But if left unchecked, well, let’s just say my imagination can get carried away. I don’t want that to happen, and I don’t like these one-sided feelings. I want to talk about them, explore them with her, but we all know the dangers and miscommunications associated with conveying feelings through text and phone calls.So I’m stumped. I think, by the mere fact that I am contemplating and aware of my feelings now (even if I’m not sure how I feel about them), I can maintain my composure if I wait the month out. At the same time, I do miss her, and would like to just hear anything from her. At the same time, I’m afraid my impatience and my willingness to speak my mind, totally unabridged, will cause more harm than good. At the same time… I can go back and forth all day rationalizing reasons to do one thing over the other.I was just wondering if anyone had any good natured advice or opinions to share with me.Thanks!Nick.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2013): sounds to me that you just need to learn some coping mechanisms to be able to "sit" with unresolved issues and the feelings of discomfort that they cause, without going crazy and without needing a resolution. you could write a letter to her and pour your heart out and just not send it to her. Then you will get the feeling of catharsis that happens when you speak your mind, but without the damage it may cause to the other person or relationship. (although in your case I'm not sure what harm could come from you just texting her...?). You could also just take the leap and go ahead and text her and let the cards fall where they may. What's the worse that could happen? some people may point out that if you're really interested in someone and you think the feelings are reciprocated then you should let them know before they go and find someone else who DID progress a relationship with them faster than you did. since you'll be seeing her again soon (one month is a very short time), you can tell yourself that there's no reason to take any action one way or the other. Just wait until you resume face-to-face contact and in the meantime distract yourself by staying busy.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 June 2013):
 Why not CALL her instead of a text? Just make the conversation short and sweet ( nothing sexual or romantic) and that might give HER something to thing about till you see each other again, or.. she calls/text you back.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (28 June 2013):
 Nick,
Almost every dearcupid poster feels like they're writing epic questions yours is completely within normal range (as are most everyone's, people are just a little vulnerable when they type, plus I think courrier and the format make it seem like the typing goes on forever). WELL I'm excited for your July visit, but I understand the concern about the buildup, making there to be more than there is between the two of you, and also missing her. Are you able to 'read the signs' of when to cut off conversation over the phone or it really is just visual cues? Because I think that picking up the phone and dialing is going to seem more natural and feel less trying too hard for you, and plus then you can get into something deep/philosophical like you like to, should you choose to go there. And I think you'll be able to fake (or regain) your suaveness by hearing from her that way, versus receiving a "haha, cool" text back- like where ARE you two at that point? So much left to interpretation. Be 'aggressive' and make this more than a summer visit by giving her a call :)
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