A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm hoping someone can help me. Since I've never really been in a relationship before, I made an account on a website where you can meet and get to know new people in your area. It's like a dating site.Through out the last 5 months or so that I've had the site, I have met a few guys that I was really interested in. There seems to be a problem though that keeps happening with every guy I meet.It seems like every guy that has ever been interested in me stays interested in me only for a few weeks and then they start to become really distant and drift away.Basically we talk a lot and get to know each other, we hang out a couple of times and we click really well and everything goes really well, but this usually only lasts for 2-3 weeks and then the guy becomes distant and acts different and doesn't act like how he was when me and him first met. This situation has happened with about 4 guys. I don't do any sexual stuff with them or anything of that nature so it's not like they got what they wanted and then just left me. I also know that they were all looking for a relationship just like I was so it's not like me and them weren't on the same page.It's a dating site so I know they talk to a bunch of other girls and are probably trying to get with them and stuff, but I don't know why they act so interested and how everything goes so well for a couple of weeks and then its like they find someone else or they're just randomly not interested in me anymore. The thing is though is this doesn't just happen on dating sites with me, it has happened with guys just in general too. Does anyone know what could be the reason for this? Could I be doing something wrong? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 June 2013):
Hi there. I can tell you in all honesty, that this is a very common problem in romantic relationships for a lot of young women.
And it is extremely frustrating, when you don't know why it keeps on happening.
And it is nothing wrong that you have done, or that you have hurt them in any way.
No, not at all.
What often seems to happen in a new romantic relationship, is that once the girl realizes she really likes the guy, she can often start to give up a lot of her old life for him.
Meaning, that she might stop seeing her friends and stop going out with them.
And she might also stop doing any hobbies or interests that take her away from home for a few hours a week, at night.
Just so that she will be available for in case he calls her to ask her out somewhere.
It is like once you start seeing someone, that a girl believes she ought to make him the centre of her universe.
And this doesn't necessarily mean, that at this point she sees him as husband material, although at the back of her mind she could be thinking this, just the same.
And so it plays out directly in the relationship, each time she sees her new man.
And it can unfortunately, come across to him, as you getting too serious too soon.
And you don't even have to mention marriage or the future or anything like that at all, a man can just see it in your enthusiasm and in your eyes, that you are feeling that way.
And as you said here, everything seems to click really well, which makes it even more difficult to deal with.
And what happens, is that it can very often scare a lot of men right off.
And this is when you typically see a man going cold on you, or just simply stops calling you altogether.
And it can be very disappointing, as you start to lose some self esteem.
And men do like a bit of a challenge, when it comes to winning a young lady's heart, that's for sure.
They don't want it to be too easy, because it makes the end reward less valuable.
And I don't mean sex as the "reward."
I mean winning your heart and your love, as being the reward for a young man.
It is the very same thing when it comes to money.
For instance, you appreciate the money you have saved from working hard over several months, than if someone was to just give your a few thousand dollars for nothing.
Like winning a lottery.
Yes it is nice - the extra money - but it is much more appreciated, when you have to work hard for it.
I think you know what I mean here, anyway.
And so this is where the value is in relationships, where a man wants to have to work a bit harder and make some real effort to genuinely make you happy, and in time, to win your heart.
That is much more valuable for a man, to HAVE to put in the effort in the first place.
Most men, expect to have to make an honest and genuine effort to please a lady and take her out, and spend some money on her, and treat her with respect and dignity at all times.
And I think it is very wise of you to not have sex with guys too soon.
And I don't believe that is the reason, why this problem continues for you.
It is most likely more, that you get very keen on them early in the relationship, and it shows in your willingness to please them by doing things for them, or if not that, just being always available to go out with them.
And there is nothing wrong in saying yes to going out with them, because you do want them to know you are at least interested enough to go out with them.
And that is important also.
Perhaps the next time you meet someone, and they ask you out on a date, don't say "Yes" straight up, and instead, just say something like - "Can I let you know? I'm not sure if I have something on then, and so I'll have to check my diary."
And say this even if you DON'T have anything on at all - even a family function. Still say this regardless.
And don't worry, you are not being offhand with them, you are simply telling them that you do actually have a life, outside of the dating scene.
And of course, once you do go out on your first date, you won't always need to say this, just in the very beginning.
And after the first date and supposing it goes really well, well then just let them call you.
DO NOT call or text them.
You need to let a young man chase you - NOT the other way around.
And this is really important when dating.
And especially, until a relationship is formally started.
And every so often, when he calls - say after 3 or 4 dates - you could get someone in the house to take the call for you (even if you are home), just to say you are out somewhere, and could they take a message.
Obviously, you wouldn't be doing this too often, because you don't want someone to lose trust in you, but just every so often, to make it interesting, that's all.
Just so they know you do have a life of your own, and so it makes you independent and interesting, as well as slightly unpredictable.
And don't think for one minute, that a guy won't call you back, just because you are out when he calls you.
Believe me, if he likes you enough, he will keep on calling you UNTIL he finally gets you on the phone.
So don't let it worry you, it is not a problem.
Men really DO love a challenge.
They are not so interested, if something is won, way too easily.
It just kind of lessens the value of it.
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