A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I am a middle aged woman who loved this guy sometime ago we were in a relationship on and off for sometime but now our daughter is grown now he is in another state and so am I .Now that we are getting older there are no more babies he asked me to marry him now I am over joyed because I never thought he would take it to another level like this.So we have plans to get together and become one but it's this one thing that I really don't want go through its the fussing and fighting,cheating etc.I never been married before I only been in relationships with this one guy forever my first love I was with him for to long but it wasn't any love in it.But hopefully this guy is different .I know what Love is but really What is Love.I want to be the best wife he ever could have asked for and I want the same the best husband I could 've asked for I really care for him so why do I feel nervous? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 June 2013):
Hi there. You mention cheating.
And this could be what is making you feel nervous, the way you do.
And it seems that he has done this to you in the past, and so you are automatically wondering if he is still that same person, who cheated on you all those years ago.
And that's a normal reaction.
And the truth is, you really can't be sure that he isn't still that same person, can you?
Talk is cheap, and he could say he will never do it again, and on and on, but the truth is, he did it before, and he could do it again.
And I would say that this is weighing very heavily on your mind, and understandably so.
And so there is definitely a trust issue here, for you.
And he probably doesn't realize how serious an issue this is for you.
So for this reason, you really need to make it VERY clear to him about how you feel and the doubts going through your mind, about it.
Even though it was many years ago, it still happened and that's all that really matters, isn't it?
And no matter how many promises he makes to you that he won't do it ever again, or how many tears he sheds in trying to convince you he won't do it again, those doubts you have will still be there, regardless.
You will never forget what happened, and that is the reality.
I don't mean to discourage you, but just to clarify to you as to why you feel the nervousness that you currently do.
And so you can't pretend it never happened, and so it is a case of accepting it for what it is, and then deciding whether you could trust him now, if you did decide to spend the rest of your life with him.
Because the reality, is that if ever he did have to go out without you - and it will inevitably happen - you would always be wondering who he was with, and if he was where he said he was going to be, and if he was with who he said he would be with.
And so it would always be a case of trusting him, unless he ever gives you reason NOT to.
And unfortunately, once trust is lost, it can be extremely challenging to gain back that trust.
Because the minute anything can't be easily explained, or something out of the ordinary happens, there comes the inevitable doubt for you, once more.
And the awful way it makes you feel, and second guessing yourself, as you would have done back then, once you realized what was happening behind your back.
And this is what you DON'T want.
No-one does.
And so this is what I honestly believe, is behind all this uneasiness that you feel, right now.
You have some serious thinking to do now.
The final decision though, is entirely up to you.
Don't let him influence you in any way, because this decision is yours - and yours only.
You may love him very much, however the history of him cheating on you, could far outweigh the love you feel for him.
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