A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:dear DearCupid,I am 21 years old and have never been in a healthy relationship. my last relationship was with my ex boyfriend who only used me and lied to me about his wife who had left him and who he still lived. he also got someone else pregnant just before we met and kept all that a secret, and lied about his age. unfortulately I still have feelings for this selfish man even though I wish I was over him and happy. Im deeply unhappy and even more insecure than before due to the horrible things he used to say to me even after our relationship ended. I dont know how to improve my life, I tried taking up hobbies and meeting people and keeping busy, but I still feel this fear that I'll never be happy with anyone and have a nice relationship unlike some of my peers who are happy. can anyone advise me? I dont go around looking unhappy and I am not a horrible or nasty person, I just dont know where Im going wrong in attracting losers
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female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 I am so sorry you took that the wrong way. I did not mean to imply that you were mentally unwell. I just thought that a good talk with a therapist might help you to understand why you attract and tolerate losers. If you have a better understanding of why then you can change what it is about yourself that allows you to get into these types of relationship. Ok?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you xtina & yes my feelings were for the man he pretended to be, auntie e Im not mentally unwell and does this mean that all my friends who have been in similar situations should get therapy also? I dont hate myself only I seem to be a magnet for these people
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A
female
reader, Xtina356 +, writes (5 May 2010):
Your past relationships do not predict your future relationships. I wouldn't allow this guy to make you feel insecure about yourself. You have done nothing wrong. I know you say you still have feelings for this man, but are they for the man that he originally made himself out to be or for the man he turned out to be? You got burned bad on this one. But this doesn't mean all your relationships will be like this. Just keep your eyes open for red flags and take things slowly in the beginning.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (5 May 2010):
Please make an appointment at the mental health clinic. You need some therapy. You are attracting losers because you tolerate them. Why? Who knows! But you need to get to the bottom of this problem or it will self perpetuate. Ok?
You have to love and respect yourself before anyone else will. Please explore how to do this in therapy.
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