A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a fantastic relationship for a year now. He's absolutely wonderful and treats me so well. But I am quite insecure. He's never done anything to hurt me or make me think he'd leave me. He even called me the love of his life the other night. And yet, I am still scared that one day he's going to leave me for someone 'better.' Deep down I ask myself why does he love me, what'so good about me.A friend asked me the other day if he's the one. I said 'yeah, I think so.'I so badly want him to be the one but I am scared to even admit it in fear that it may not work out and I'll get hurt. I told him what I said to her and he was a little hurt that I said 'I think' instead of being sure and saying 'yes, he's the one.'What do I need to do to have more belief in myself. I can see that if I don't tell him how I really feel, he may think that I don't love him enough, and that might drive him away.It's just that I'm so scared to tell him...how do I overcome the fear???
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (27 September 2010):
Insecurity is the little voice that says "oh what if it doesn't work out" or "he'll probably cheat on me in the future" or "I don't think he thinks about me as much as I think about him", etc. And it's hard to turn off. And it pops up even when things are going well. But the problem is that if you spend so much time insecure about the future and unsure if things will work out, you'll be unhappy in the relationship while it is working.
Self-confidence is key. Do things that make you happy, that make you feel good about yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the more you can believe that he loves you and wants to be with you. Set some goals (run a marathon, volunteer, take a cooking class, etc etc) and work towards them. And when you hear those insecure thoughts, think a good thought instead. Think about a time he did something really sweet for you. Or a nice date you had. It'll remind you of the positive things. Nip the insecure thoughts in the bud and distract yourself. The more you think insecure thoughts the more they drive you crazy.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 September 2010):
 You need to go to councelling, this insecurity has stemmed from somewhere and if it keeps going the way its going you will eventually drive him away and plus its not fair on you as you cant be completely happy when you are this petrified. go and see your local doctor and tell him you want to be referred to a councellor. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Ven  +, writes (27 September 2010):
First off, if 'yeah, I think so' isn't a good enough answer for him, he sounds just as insecure as you so don't worry.
And now... Get over the fear. It's a risk, and it's hard work, but nothing worth having in this life is ever going to come easy. He loves you and you love him, there is nothing to be afraid of.
Tell him you love him, and tell him you are afraid of losing him. Tell him it would hurt you to ever lose him.
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A
female
reader, alien invasion +, writes (27 September 2010):
 I think ones insecurities subconsciously will make the other lover insecure about themselves in the relationship also. At least from what I've experienced anyway. You have to be sure of yourself, be confident. Be happy and make sure you've got everything set and stone. Just let him know how you feel about yourself in the situation, and then he can do the same, then you can eventually solve this issue.
Hope this helps..
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