A
male
age
,
*erokiya
writes:Did anyone, male or female, ever come across this type of partner? We are seperated now.She lies about an affair and when lies couldnt' work anymore, she went on the offensive and blamed me for 9 years of not loving her and meeting her needs. I took her back 9 yrs ago because I wanted my kids back home. She manipulates my feelings, and if she doesn't get what she wants from me, she will attack me by saying how loving the partner she cheated with is. She will go out of her way to say how much better sex is with him, how much he provides for her, yet she's always broke even tho she's working.She contacts our kids and gives them promises that she doesn't deliver on. She has proven already that she will rather pleas his needs, make herself available to him on weekends, then come to visit our kids.the only time she visited was for two days last week and even then she took off early. She borrowed my car, I then began to think that 'no' i am not going out of my way to accomodate her, so I asked her to bring my car back and i wanted to know whre she was at, she said it was none of my business!She keeps mentioning that its all my fault she left, i practically spread her legs for her lover I suppose. lol. what a joke.By reading books on codependency, I've learned that I was addicted to this woman. I kept trying to get blood out of stone. I sincerely believe that this woman is not capable of love, of empathy, of remorse, of anything that has to do with her taking responsibility. What you guys, and girls, think? I'm trying to remain sane.
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reader, lerokiya +, writes (17 April 2010):
lerokiya is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your replies. I am still struggling with this woman. I am starting to believe that she is a Sociopath: no remorse, no guilt,no empathy, no regrets for choosing this man over her own family. she continues to use me as an excuse to not visit our kids n grandkids even tho they tell her they would love for her to visit.she texts, but it always ends up in an argument. It's like she's transformed into a cold hearted bitch with no regard for anyone but herself and puts this man ahead of anyone. she has even started drinking hard and using drugs, which i had put a stop to when i agreed she move back in nine years ago. who knows how many affairs and one nite stands she has had that i never found out about. it's been a struggle but I'm learning to become assertive and not the dependable guy who used to take her back when she'd f''k up. thanks for your replies, keep them coming so i may reinforce what i need to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2010): Break away from this NOW! I realize that you have children with her, but soon, she's going to break down your emotional stability and your sanity. My boyfriend used to be in an on-and-off relationship with a girl who was similar to your ex-wife's type. Granted, this was in high school, but she was the same type of person. She would lie and cheat and manipulate her way out of things. She would cry and sob and threaten suicide whenever he tried to break up with her, and she cheated on him numerous times. She abused drugs and acohol and dropped out of school and didn't know how to support herself. She got pregnant at age seventeen by a guy she cheated on my boyfriend with. He kept going back to her, due to lonliness, insecurity, and for the feeling of familiarity. Now that he's free of her, he doesn't know how he put up with her for so long. Please, find a woman who will treat you right, and who will show you what true love is. Love is not based on fear or lonliness or manipulation. Love should make you feel free, not trapped. I know that you feel as though you're addicted, but believe me, nothing feels better than breaking free of an addictive poison.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (13 April 2010):
 I think you haven't gotten over her. I also think that you can't move forward with your life until you do. The fact that her stories about her new lover is getting to you is a tactic for her to keep maintaining the balance of power in your relationship, even if you two are no longer together.Kids are smart - they see the games their parents play. STOP doing anything for this woman. WHY on earth are you letting her use your car? You're letting her use YOU. There is no chance of a reconciliation.Be like stone with her. Don't tell her where you are, and don't care one bit about where she is. She is nothing to you except the mother of your kids. Show no emotion to her nor jealousy nor guilt nor care. Find someone new who will CHERISH you for who you are.Some people will use the "suspicion of affair" to gain emotional power in a relationship, or an excuse to break up. Don't let her get away with it.You shouldn't have to worry about your sanity. Extricate yourself from everything to do with her. Don't even listen to the same music!! Find a hobby that lights you up. Do some exercizing and get a hot bod. :) All you need to know is that YOU are capable of being a warm, good human being. She can pound sand with her lover for all you care.
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