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writes: I will apologize in advance for the length of this but I really appreciate any advice.Me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for a while now and we have decided to take our relationship to the next level, we have decided to sleep with each other. we have spoke about it and have both agreed that we are ready. however my problem is, I am a virgin and he is not, this is not a major problem to either of us, as we both love each other very much but i just want to be able to please him in bed so I was just wondering a few things;1) What do I do before hand? - Should it be planned or happen spontaneously? What about foreplay? Should I give him a handjob/blowjob and if I should, how do I do it?2) What do I do during sex? because i dont want to be just lying there completely useless so what do i do?Thank you for any advice you can give me :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): I think you should keep it natural. Let your love flow like electricity. Be spontaneous, research before hand (like you are doing now) but dont try and script it.
Starting point: kissing. let nature take its course from there. Works for me. Don't advance by time. For me, I and my gf who were both virgin at the time, just focused on kissing (like thats what we mostly been doing up until that point).
Firstly standard kiss then getting more passionate with tongues... no touching of any other part of the body, just focusing on the kiss. My gf is so gorgeous and knows how to kiss very well, so it wasnt long with me laying on top of her on the bed, for her to feel my erection which had developed. (there was no need for me to get naked and slap my dick across her face - good in sex - but not romantic)
We just kept taking it in turns for passionate kissing, not evenly, it was first come, and not entirely continuous like I would kiss her face all over and her neck sometimes and towards the end of that session she started to do the same, it was so hot (I glow red when im kissed for some reason) I took off my top, and shortly after she did the same, and although she was topless I kept kissing her (rather than the obvious advance, its good to tease sometimes, hehe) she told me how wet she was so i kissed her breasts.
Before I knew it she begged me to take her virginity and give me mine, so we did (will leave out details rather obvious). The 45-50 minutes of kissing non-stop was well worth it - it sure lasted all night.
All the above just to say that foreplay doesn't have to be the typical stuff like oral sex etc.
Back to the questions of yours... Should you give HJ/BJ? Its a must if he isn't rock hard. As your situation for your first time is different to mine I would suggest a lot of kissing to begin with but with oral sex too.
I respect you for not wanting to be someone who just sits/lays there.. many so-called "experienced" females do this, its not really good at all. It depends on the position but generally speaking I think you should allow him to do missionary to begin with, rub your clit if you want "more" and then go on top of him and ride him, that would be really nice, and he can also help you with that so it doesnt mean he just have to lay there neither. Hope this helps!
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male
reader, daletom  +, writes (16 May 2010):
"What do you do beforehand?" Well I hope the first thing you do is put this "next level" experience into plans for something like marriage, or "life partners", etc. The fact that you have waited until now means that sex is something significant to both of you, and not something to be done because "everybody else has done it" (trust me, they haven't - but it'll be several years before you learn that on your own), or because "we've been dating long enough", or "I'm curious about what it's like", or "just because".
The second thing you do is spend some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure he understands and agrees to this.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month. There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
I hope you can come back here and tell us how it went. You can be a REAL HELP to others in your situation by relating your experience, as best you feel comfortable with. Let them know what advice was most useful, what was way off-base, and what you wish somebody had told you.
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A
male
reader, riv +, writes (15 May 2010):
He is LUCKY ! He is the one who should be making the effort to put you at ease and give you a good first experience. I hope he realizes how much effort you are making to give him a great experience ?
So try and be as relaxed as possible - you are already giving him your virginity - he ought to be grateful !
You need as few distractions as possible for a first session - eg are you on the pill or are you sure it is a time of the month when you cannot get pregnant / he will wear a condom ? Exclude all worries of that kind.
is there any danger of anyone interrupting you or do you have somewhere totally private to do the deed ?
Prob a good idea for both of you to have a shower beforehand - I love the smell of a freshly showered, soapy ( NOT perfume ) smelling girl who is totally clean down there.... front and back....
In case you are nervous about not getting moist enough for his penis to slide easily back and forth have a fresh tube of KY or similar lube available. (Really this is his responsibility but just in case he doesn't have it with him. ditto the condoms if that is your mode of contraception.)
If you have not as yet seen an erect penis my suggestion would be - don't look down..... girls with no experience seeing a hard penis for the first time often think it is too big and will hurt..... which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy if they instinctively clamp the vagina tight....
Let him enter you and have full intercourse before you see his penis in its erect glory.....
Look at his face as he kisses your nipples and lips; enjoy the sensation of seeing him get more and more out of control as the animal nature takes over and he approaches orgasm - you may see a side of him you haven't imagined..... but that is how men are during sex.... the male animal is not far away.....
He will almost certainly enjoy you caressing your hand between his buttocks ( he should have showered also btw paying partic attention to his genitals and anal area !) while he is rhythmically pushing his penis up and down inside you..... He may enjoy also you putting the tip of one or two fingers inside his anus.... though you could ask him before you do that as not all men do enjoy it.....
But anyway, you don't have to do a great deal for him to enjoy sex with you.... don't lie to him but if you are enjoying the sensations let him know..... A man likes to feel the girl has had a good time of it, esp if it is her first time.....
Let us know how it went and if you have any tips for others....
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A
male
reader, Akir  +, writes (15 May 2010):
I hope what I say helps you out.
The first time can be a magnificent thing especially with someone you love. Just take it slow, do not rush this, start off by going out for lunch or late dinner, then go back somewhere private, definitely a bedroom where you both feel comfortable and aren't going to be stressed. The next thing I recommend is probably put on a film you both enjoy or some music, just to relax to, nothing that's going to get your heart pumping to the beat. Just lie on the bed together and hug/embrace each other and begin kissing, eventually it will all lead from there to you both having your clothes off.
What you want to do is kiss his neck softly. That should help.
Also it's entirely up to you what you do with him handjob blowjob wise. Do what you feel comfortable doing.
I will say though he shouldnt care about how good you are, it should only matter that you are sharing this moment together. Your first time shouldnt be about how good it can be. The way you talk about this makes me think you need to just enjoy sharing the moment with him, if he is not a virgin ask him to guide you if you really want to please him, sometimes theres nothing wrong with just lying there, just make sure he knows how much your enjoying it, whether you tell him or you moan excitedly. Just let him know you are enjoying it, and trust me, you wont just be lying there.
Hopefully this will be a special time for both of you that you will share and remember for the rest of your lives. I wish you a happy, healthy and good relationship and hope my advice has helped.
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