A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so im 13 and im soooo worried of being gay! I dont get attracted to girls only guys (i get crushes on girls but im sexually attracted to boys), and it doesnt help that i go to an all boys school, i really dont want to be gay (not that i have anything against gays (i just dont want to be one)I want to get married and have kids but me getting erections over men is getting in the way, i just dont get turned on by girls but i want to marry one? this is all so confusing!Please help, i dont want to be gay, hopefully its just a phase... i was reading some stuff and it said that cause im still going through puberty, my hormones are going crazy, and that when i am older then i will know. I DONT WANT TO BE GAY! i want to be straight and have kids. Please reply
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male
reader, MyDestiny +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Haha You sound just like me when i was younger. Listen, yes you're only 13, it could just be hormones. Everyone goes through a phase like this. But let time pass, you'll soon know exactly what you're interested in as you grow older. If you do turn out to be gay, then great. There's nothing wrong with that. But you can't hide from who you really are. You'll have to except it. If you're str8, great..in the middle..great? Putting labels on yourself don't even matter anyway. Just enjoy being a kid. And worry about this later.Good luck
-A.e
A
male
reader, 1290uk  +, writes (17 May 2010):
 First off, I would echo the question, why do you want to not be gay? Also, you could be bi, you could be gay, or you could be straight and just curious. Either way, you can still be happy, you can still have a healthy relationship, and you can still have kids (one way or another).
To be honest, I'd pursue whomever you want, if you find a guy you like, go for it, if you find a girl you like, go for it! You're young, so don't rush into anything you're not comfortable with.
As for marriage, I wouldn't recommend that you don't, if you want to, then get married to whomever feels right, whether their male or female (depending on whether your state is backwards enough not to allow gay marriage/civil partnerships). To be honest, I think that might be a little ahead of things, I'd focus on the here and now! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, there is nothing wrong with gay people i just get crushes on girls (this is a reply to janniepeg) i want to get a girlfriend and have kids, and i know that gay couples can have kids and live a happy life, i just dont feel comftable getting erections over men, i want to be straight, once again i have no problem with gays
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (16 May 2010):
 while you are indeed young, i myself at one stage wanted to get married but then i realised that as my feelings for men hadn't changed over a long time there was no point lying to myself. you need to wait a while before you can know what your preferences are, but if three years from now you are still sexually attracted to men then i would suggest you are gay. dont beat yourself up about it. the worst way to live life is in denial of reality, so look for the truth in yourself and make an effort to look positively at yourself as positive mental attitude is the central key to a happy life no matter who you fancy or what turns you on.
good luck- also marriage doesn't necessarily lead to happiness in modern times...
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A
male
reader, crazybeast +, writes (15 May 2010):
 just because someone is gay doesnt meen they cant get married and have children, i plan to get married and have kids... it is possible its a phase.. u say your sexually atracted and aroused to guys but not to girls this can be normal because of your hormone levels are raging out of control but this could very meen you are gay/bi it could also meen you are bi-curious which meens you are straight but want to try out guys... there are many things that could be happening but if you do turn out to be gay dont think you have no options there are options to have kids and marriage between gays is acceptable in most states of the Usa and Europe... i do hope you get sorted with your feelings and discover your sexuailty and just remeber being gay is nothing to be ashamed of or bad. From
(G)Callum x
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A
male
reader, Akir +, writes (15 May 2010):
To start, why do you feel you do not want to be gay?
If you feel this way then you probably aren't.
There is nothing wrong with being gay however and I'm not.
But it can happen to some guys and girls to feel attracted to members of the same sex even if it is just sexually. I suppose because you go to an all boys school probably doesn't help things much, if you can, and I'll warn you it may not be easy, try and hang out with guys and girls in a group, you say you get crushes on girls, well try and date one of these girls and see how it goes, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised one day. Just make sure you know the age of consent etc. in your state.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 May 2010):
 My first boyfriend was gay and he told me he was emotionally attracted to girls and sexually attracted to guys. I understand you wanting to get married. The majority is heterosexual and there are way more role models who are supposedly happily married and the ones living the alternate lifestyle do not get that much validation and approval. You should listen to your body and not deny yourself. I would strongly encourage you not to get married. It's not just about you, do you really want to do this to a girl, like coaxing her into a marriage and not give her sex, and then telling her the excuse is she's givng you too much pressure and therefore you are turned off? You want to get married because you were raised in a family and you can't imagine yourself not having one. Who says that gay people can't have families too? Go to Oberlin College and have your eyes opened.
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