A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Probably the most humiliating thread to post. So anon for obvious reasons. Well, basically I'm a virgin girl 21, and for the past year or so I have been teased by literally everyone who found out I was a virgin. It hasn't at all been for lack of opportunities. In fact, I have taken quite a bit of nastiness off a couple of guys who I didn't want to sleep with right away. Its not that Im at all religious or anything but I suppose I wanted to find someone special. But people go their whole lives without finding someone special so waiting for that is a bit stupid. I'm not sure I want to go out to a random club and sleep with someone (I hardly go clubbing for 1 and on first meeting people think Im younger than I am cos of my blonde hair and Im petite). I also don't want to compromise one of my friendships with a guy so do you think it would be safe to get a male prostitute. Would they even be easy to find/discreet? I am in quite a big city. How old do they tend to be and what would be the price? Its just, I think the sinking tornado to my past relationships is not wanting to have sex right away. If I can get past this first time hang up I seem to have then it should be easier. Obviously I wouldn't tell anyone and if a future boyfriend asked I'd just say I lost it with a ONS. Its just the first time nervousness I want to get rid of basically.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 December 2012):
Read what sageoldguy wrote. I believe the ribbing your getting is rooting in jealousy and by people who do not have your best interest in mind.
A
female
reader, Roxypuss +, writes (2 December 2012):
So ignore the conservative brigade. I'm a prostitute which should make us 'opposites' but I understand your nervousness. My first kiss wasn't till I was 16 and before that I had a chance to kiss someone but I was so scared I just couldn't do it. So here's a few points.1) There is nothing wrong with being a virgin, I have male virgins who come to me in hopes of a less stressful way of losing there virginity, MOST virgins are virgins because their ugly it's just because it's something you've never done. You have every right to remain a virgin until you find your perfect love and I won't discourage that however I think some of the comments that above that make out virginity is some untouchable pure special thing are rubbish. They're not living with it, virginity can be cumbersome it's so built up as something good I don't want you feeling guilty if you do decide to lose it. It doesn't matter how you lost it, it is simply your first time not a pathway to heaven, you may 'never forget it' but there will be other sexual experiences that you'll never forget either because they were great so don't worry about it staying in your head.2) I think you know this, it's unlikely to be great it probably won't feel how you thought, it won't make someone love you there's nothing magic about it, it's a basic act. You can make it magic but you can do that with any act and if your first time is rubbish you have plenty more times where it could be magical and romantic.3) You feel a bit vunerable, this isn't a reason to lose your virginity but at the moment maybe you feel you're on an unlevel playing field you're worried whoever you lose it to you might be attached too because they took something special and I'm sure that'd be heartbreaking if they didn't think the same back and that's the problem it could be a beautiful relationship with a guy and still end up with him not caring as much as you you have no way of protecting yourself here. This is the problem I don't want you to think of it as this huge concept that once you lose it you 'wasted it' it's nothing just a hymen I don't want you to feel ashamed if this doesn't go right.4) Not everyone is considerate during sex or particularly good at it, some of my clients are married and they're still terrible at being gentle or expect me to squirt everywhere after prodding my clit painfully, this isn't a concern for me I get paid, but this is your personal life and your first experience and you do need someone gentle even if they're not particularly good - you don't need to be scared off. One thing I will impress on you that takes some girls time to learn, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RIGHT TO SAY STOP. Even during, if you want to stop or something is hurting SAY SO because if you hurt him you'd expect him to say. 5) There are very very very few straight male escorts unfortunately, as much as I would recommend my cousins across the sea, since everyone has such a stigma about it and you're already might decide to lose your virginity I think it'd just add more uncalled for shame. I recommend that you do ask a friend actually, this might be an even better idea than it being your first partner because it will just be sex and you won't be worrying about it effecting your relationship and there won't be emotional connotations it'll be easier on your head.6) Finally if you do decide to do this and then want to sleep with another million people, just like being a virgin doesn't mean you have a halo or feel different sleeping with a lot of people doesn't make you a 'slut' either you won't feel different either way, so follow what makes you happy and don't hurt anyone else and you'll be fine navigating the minefield that is sex.7) Finally, you don't have to do it all in one go, maybe gradually experience each step over a few weeks. Week one maybe just kiss and snog and experiment with that and when you feel comfortable try a different thing a lot of people forget to take time with sex they rush it and then get annoyed when it bores them. Try tantric sex get used to the guys body before the act. The idea of someone going into the sexual world knowing all the stuff that took me so long to learn delights me, however it is up for you to decide your own path but remember it's about pleasing you not just guys, if you want to do the latter at least get paid for it ;)Good luck with your decision, whatever you decide to do neither options hold any guilt, and what your friends think of virgins or non virgins is their own opinion.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (2 December 2012):
 don't throwaway your virginity, you will look back with regret in a few years. save your virginity for someone special that comes into your life at the right time.You can lose it any time, but you cant get it back if a special guy walks into your life later wishing you did things different. You are young don't rush life by. Your friends may have thrown away their virginity and cant get it back. But you can save yours for the right time with the right guy. Your friends need to grow up, they may tease now but may have regrets later in life. You don't need to tell them, or guys, of being a virgin. They have wasted their virginity, and sleeping around with anyone they find. All they" your friends" are doing is taking away the specialness, the close intimacy they can have with someone and replacing it with mechanics of having sex with different people. The choice is yours. You are young you are being fed crap to push you into heartache . My advice don't rush life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): No, don't go with a male prostitute. If you're willing to consider that, then you might as well just sleep with someone from a club. Not only that, it's free to sleep with a random guy, whereas you'd be paying the prostitute.
That said, there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. If you think 21 is too old to be a virgin, you should try being me. I'm 24, and still a virgin. You know what? I don't care if anyone makes fun of me for it. They're probably just jealous, because they lost it to someone they regret losing it to. Not only that, they know I could be like them in an instant if I wanted...but never again can they be like me.
Besides, think of all the women who have slept around, and how their current boyfriends can't get over their pasts. Do you really wanna have to deal with that? A lot of guys get really bothered if they learn their girlfriends had a promiscuous past, even if they did as well. I know it's hypocritical, but that's just how they are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2012): Any guy who has been nasty to you because of your condition has done it out of spite b/c you have refused to sleep with them.So don't bother about them.For your information also that if we guys want to establish a serious relationship with a gal we certainly would be very pleased hundred times more if she is virgin.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (1 December 2012):
No its not safe, its not a good idea, and if you did it you would be back asking how you get over this dumb thing you did. The "problem" you have now is much easier to deal with: stop telling people about your private life. You will find the right person and sex will happen. You are lucky you dont have a string of mistakes that would devalue your first intimate experiences. Just relax and when you meet someone you like just take your time until you have full trust in him. And really guys arent that into relationships until they are a few years older than 21 so dont worry, you are not going to miss the boat!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 December 2012):
 You "sound" like a delightful girl who has been hoodwinked - by "media" - in to believing that there's some magic in being a tart....
Note: There isn't (any such magic)!!!!!
Hold on to your chastity.... and hold out for a guy.... that ONE, SPECIAL guy... who you would like to share your first loving and intimate experience with HIM..... and THEN, when you do have that experience it WILL BE special... as it SHOULD BE....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 December 2012):
 1. there is NOTHING wrong in being a virgin at 21 or heck at 41. It just means you haven't found someone you cared enough for to share your first time with.
2. Don't tell people you are virgin if you don't want to, UNLESS it's a guy you have dated a while and want to sleep with. It's NONE of their business.
3. Being a virgin doesn't mean GUYS don't want you or that you are a prude.
4. Don't pay a guy to do this. Just because the dude is a male escort/prostitute doesn't mean it will be a better solution, you will most likely regret it.
5. And this is the big thing. SOLICITING for sex is illegal. Selling sex and BUYING sex is a criminal offense. DO you really want to risk getting a criminal record for getting your cherry popped? (Unless you live in Nevada) Because prostitution is illegal in ALL states but Nevada.
Find a decent guy you WANT to be with long term and "get rid" of it WITH HIM.
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