A
male
age
41-50,
*rianbartlett
writes:I have worked with this woman for two years. We finally met in April and immediatly started to date. I am a very, very insecure man and I lied about some really stupid stuff. She found out one by one (there were three) and each time I told here there were no more lies. I know she was the one and I want her back more than anything. We were perfect together. Do I have a chance? Can I get her back ever?
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male
reader, Limits  +, writes (17 August 2008):
If it was me, I would book a table in a nice restaurant, do everything I can to convince her to come and before she says anything I would tell her everything honestly, why you did that and what was your final intention (to really make a hit on her)....after this, the ball would be in her court....and by the way, if you're tempted to add another innocent lie while doing this, I bet she will sniff it and ....goodbye last chance!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): I have also been in relationships where I too lied about absolute rubbish to make me look better. They were not malicious lies I just wanted to look great in his eyes. They were all found out and I was exposed as a liar. I tried countless times to tell him how sorry I was and even wrote a letter to him but he wouldn't forgive. In hindsight I appreciate lying is wrong but when you feel insecure you do do these things and I know that only too well. I would ring her or write to her if that is easier and explain that you lied because you were insecure and that you were just being silly. Tell her that you are really sorry about it and that she means a lot to you and that you will never do this again. Realistically after this there is very little else you can do. If she feels something for you she will forgive you and that is it in a nutshell. It took me years and years to accept that if someone wants to do something they will, if not nothing will make them and just because you like them it is not guaranteed they will like you as much back.
If you meet up with her for a coffee to explain or if you just bang into her re-iterate again that you are very sorry but do not overly dwell on it as you don't want to come across as desperate in any way as that can put people off, so admit you were wrong and won't do it again and then move on from it all.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (17 August 2008):
 You haven't said why you lied in the first place and what about. Was it because you was scared it would spoil things between you two? But the trouble with people that have an ability to lie is it has you thinking if their first instinct is to lie, thats a bit worrying.
Us women, and men too i expect, like people with no edges to them. Thats people that are down to earth and not secretive holding something back all the time. That sets me on edge with someone, thats the way i am. Upfront and honest is the only person i would be attracted to.
I found out someone lied to me when i was with them, and i never managed to get over that, even though they did try and make up for it, although their personality was a bit slippery, so i just wasn't ever going to trust them, rendering the relationship useless in the long run. Needless to say, i ended it wih him.
So who knows if you will get her over it. It depends why you lied and what about and what she's like i guess.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (17 August 2008):
 Oh, dear. First, it's important to slove the insecurity issue. It will destroy any relatonship you are in wether she is the one or not. It will always come between you and her. (And I don't speak for all ladies, but in my opinion, insecurities are a major turn off). If she is perfect, and life is pretty good, what on earth do you have to be insecure about? Fact is, in the minds of the people we lie to is a strong sence of logic that says "Once a liar, always a liar" and it can really make them decide to detatch them from you. It is a good idea to prove to her that you have nothing to hide, be very obvious about everything you do, provide proof of who you are without seeming too desperate to prove yourself to her. She most likely won't jump back into your arms instantly, but perhaps in time she will feel more comfertable with you. For now, an apolagy is needed from you, and an explaination as to why you felt the need to decieve her would be a good idea. Try to explain to her why you feel insecure with yourself, and that you are really sad that you have lost her as a result of it. I hope the best for you, and more so than the issue of losing her, I hope you gain some self confidence! I'm sure you are a wonderful person, it's time you saw that within you as well;)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2008): The only way you have a chance, and I'm not sure you do...But tell the Painful truth...ALL OF IT. NO MATTER WHAT!! Explain to her all the baggage you have with you, good, bad or indifferent. No matter what. If she accepts you back, great, but if not, that is OK too. you just need to accept your lumps as they come, because you deserve all that you get. Best of luck Sugar!!!
~~The GabberJack
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