A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so my boyfriend and i are fighting my point of view-i prefer to just talk and hangout with people when we are at peoples houses to hangout instead of always running around and playing games, i feel as if though that when i want him to sit by me he is miserable and all he wants to do is run off and hangout with the guys and not talk with me. whenever he wants me to be by him or sit next to him when he is playing a video game he will get mad at me if i dont want to. asking him to sit next to me and talk, i think is different than sitting next to him while he ignores me for a stupid video game. i really like going out and doing things, but i really hate being stuck at someones house, he always wants to go over to friends houses bc it is free and he can hangout with large group of people. saturday night we went to this coffee house to listen to this band that was playing but the band or like any1 else did not show up, so we just left and went over to my friends house. when we got there i went to use the rest room and when i can out everyone was outside in the back patio playing ping pong. i could not stay outside bc of my bad allergies and everything was covered with pollen, so for like 3 hrs i sat inside by myself and i wanted to go home, he would not let me go home. he came in visited me a few times and all but they were only for a few mins before he jumped up and ran to play ping pong or go jump on the trampoline. he thinks that i am lazy bc when i go outside i like to look at nature and all bc i am thinker and he is a doer. is it wrong of me to want to sometimes just be with him and talk?his point of view-he thinks i never want to and do anything but sit there and talk to people and i never want to play games when i am at someone's house. i always want to have him sit there and i get upset with him when he wont sit next to me and talk. he thinks that all i want to do is go out and listen to music and stuff. i ask him to go to the park and just walk around with me and he is not happy doing it unless there is a large group of people. and he thinks there was nothing wrong with me being left alone for those 3 hrs while they played ping pong and he went and jumped on the trampoline and so on... he thinks if i really wanted to be by them i could have just gone out there, but when i did for about 2 mins i was driven crazy by my allergies.what do u think we can do to find common grounds? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2010): Some people just aren't good together. I'm very introverted and just like talking and looking myself. My boyfriend is the same and I can tell you it's fabulous. My ex was the same way as well. I really could never be with an extrovert or someone who's always go!-go!-go!. I have friends like that and they drain me!
Maybe this could work out if your guy had more respect for your feelings, but he doesn't. It sounds to me like he's quite immature, really, ditching his girlfriend for a trampoline?! As your guy matures he might settle down a bit, but are you willing to wait? Making you just sit somewhere bored for three hours is really out of line in my opinion. He should agree to do what YOU want to do 50% of the time - if he can't do that then it's a deal breaker.
Neither one of you are wrong in what you like to do - just different. He likes to be very active and outgoing, you would rather just chill. Him calling you lazy is really unfair. Personally, I think you deserve someone who has more similiar interests.
A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (30 March 2010):
 I have been married for 30 years, my wife is a socialite, meaning she LOVES to converse and be with people. I on the other hand are a loner so to speak. When out at friends I'd rather look at the way buildings are constructed, how people have solved rain water problems, talk about physical things such as construction or how to do something, usally this is with men-HOWEVER when I feel I need comfortable conversation I find a woman I have commom ground with and talk about families, spouses (about how we are all so different and great in our own way-I NEVER speak baddly about my or others spouse). She an I are so opposite in this fashion, she wants to talks to everyone and have conversational fun. We used to argue over that UNTIL we read "Men are from Mars and women from Venus", this book helped my wife understand why I prefer this type of conversation and it helped me understand that the nurturing portion of a woaman needs to talk to others, not for advise but to feel closer to others. What we have done for the past 20 plus years is be suportive of each other. I walk with her for a few minutes until she comfortable in conversation and the I go do my thing. I NEVER ABANDON HER, I always go back to her in 10-15 minutes to see how she is and to let her know I'm thinking of her and let her know where I am now. We have gone out to bars and she will be so engaged in conversation with other men sometimes that she has no concept of time-do I get angry, not at all, as a woman she needs this type of time and I understand that (would I worry about her cheating--NEVER). She has also come and found me because if I'm at a home in the country I my be in a barn for two hours admiring the construction and getting new ideas for me. I married an opposite, why, because she fills all the gaps of the things I am no good at, It was the best thing I ever did. My sujustions is exsplain things. Honey you know about my alogies so I'll be inside if you need me, can I bring you something when I come out to check on you in a bit?-There alot of ways for you to make him feel like your there without you being there. I he becaomes so sellfish that he insit you live within arms lenght everywhere then thing can work, your a couple, but individual people, and no relationship should ever take that away. If you can't talk about your different needs when you go out and come to an understanding, then that relationship cannot blossom. PLEASE don't take any advise about just dumping him and moving on, always try to make things work so you never have regrets. We are idividuals and yet we become one in a relationship, that is not bad, but we have to keep our individuallity. LOVE has no chains attached and never let there be any!
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (30 March 2010):
 Opposites attract is the biggest load of s$%^ that was ever said.
You both drive each other nuts dont ya? He's right in living the way he wants and so are you. But your two paths just wont merge together.
So keep putting up with eachother if thats what you want..but you are going to break up sooner or later so why keep waisting time?
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A
male
reader, Brunel  +, writes (30 March 2010):
Opposites are common ground! Relationship is about compromise, commitment and mutual repect. You both start from that and share and talk. Communication is the life blood of life and in particular relationships?
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female
reader, chicaboom  +, writes (30 March 2010):
what do u think we can do to find common grounds?
ANSWER: No.
You don't sound very compatable.
Why waste your time trying to force something that's not working? Leave him to his buddies and his ping pong. Find someone with similar interests, someone who thinks about others and who listens when you tell him how you feel.
You should enjoy EVERY MINUTE of the time you spend with the person you love, not 2 minutes out of every hour.
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A
male
reader, OrangeJuice +, writes (30 March 2010):
 From what im gathering, you are both right in a way, maybe if you try to do what he wants more often, he will be much more willing do what you want too. If you stay positive doing what he wants to do he will likely take notice and try much harder to also do the things you want to do. If he does not take notice you may want to let him know that you have been trying hard to do what he wants to do more often and have been staying positive and not complaining when you guys do what he wants too, and you would like him to think about what you want to do sometimes and if he cares about you he will probably try to do some of the things you want too as well. People often have their best interests at heart and in mind though, so if it feels like 70% of the time you are doing what he wants to do and 30% what you want to... its probably about 50-50.
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